I know for some folks, having a "lose-by" date can be motivating and help keep them on track, focused.

But these dates can sometimes be a bigger obstacle than help. You may be asking the wrong questions here. Instead of asking, “How can I lose X pounds by this date?” Maybe the question should be, “How can I continue to make progress that I can maintain?"

Find out if your lose-by date is helping or hurting, and what you might focus on instead...

I know, know, know it's so natural to be in a hurry. I started out as one of the worst offenders! You have any idea how many calculations I did of my “done” date? I think I set up a spreadsheet for it. I had it down to the day, if I stayed on induction for X weeks, losing at X pounds a week, when would I be done? (Short answer: never. You go back to the old ways, you will go back to the old pants-size. But that idea wasn’t part of my thinking early on in my journey.)

The thing with the lose-by dates is that it is essentially setting yourself up to feel like you've failed. How many times anything in life go perfectly, with no sidetracks? Frankly, I’ve almost never seen a lose-by date that takes reality adequately into account.

Besides, why on Earth would it matter if you lose the next 20 pounds by August or December? If you set this goal in stone and then you are delayed—either by choices you've made or just how your body decides to do its own thing (and those bodies do)—then you're left feeling inadequate, unsuccessful, and discouraged. No matter how well you've done in reality, if you miss your arbitrary lose-by date, then in your mind you're screwing it up and your mind runs the show.

What ever happens in a straight line from point A to point B? I know my weight GAIN sure wasn't! (Somewhat surprising, since the way I used to eat could certainly have been expected to create steady gains.) However, it wasn’t in a straight line and my weight loss hasn't been, either. Part of my journey has been coming to terms with that. To me, the question is, “What purpose does the rush serve?” Is it helping or hindering you? What helps you most?

Often, fear is an issue as well. I was TERRIFIED once I started having some real success that suddenly and without warning, my "solution" would stop working. I had to hurry, lest my “magic bullet” lost its bite! It was all just a big anomaly, I tell you. Temporary and fleeting. That’s certainly how it felt.

I was afraid to start believing. If you believe, you can be disappointed. But the other side of that coin: if you believe, you can succeed, too. You have to have the belief first. If you don’t, the first little bump in the road, the first little stall or delay will serve to convince you that this won’t work for you, or you don’t have what it takes. And missing a lose-by goal can very well serve as the bump.

Eventually, however, I came to the conclusion that I needed to feel good about the success I’d already had, and even if I never lost another ounce, I’d done myself wonderful good losing the weight I had already lost. I realized there was part of me that was resisting the change on a subconscious level. Success can be scary in many ways! You know the status quo. You don't know what happens when you let go of that familiar place, though. I’ll tell you one thing: if you have a lot of weight to lose and you lose it, your life DOES change. That I can promise.

But mostly, I was left with the idea that I had to let go of tomorrow and the how-will-I-do-all-this-anyway ideas and when-is-it-gonna-be-done-already questions and all the plotting and planning and whatever completely, and just experience today. I quit setting lose-by goals and started making my goal to make good choices today, right now, right this minute. That was a goal I had 100% control over. I quickly discovered if I took care of NOW, the future has this amazing way of coming together all by itself.

I think being anxious and concerned about the pace of losses is very natural, but not always helpful. My advice is to accept the fact that you don't have 100% control of how your body functions and that does not define you as failing. Setting lots of arbitrary must-lose-X-pounds-by-Y-date doesn’t help at all.

Instead, just take care of now, and I promise you, the future becomes great without the any worry or special intervention on your part. Do your work and let go of the rest. Small steps taken at the pace that’s right for you will still get you where you’re going. Keep taking those steps, one foot after the other. The rest will come together for you.