I have been sitting here trying to think back to when I became so heavy.. when I hit 300 a while back.. my God, I don't remember hitting 200. It seems it was just there one day.
When I was in my 20's, I was wearing a size 5. I borrowed my thin male friend's jeans and shirts alot (tomboyish me). I worked, I went to college, I raised my kids and lived my life.
The next thing I knew I was at the doctor in tears because I had kept gaining weight and not been able to lose it. That was the day he wrote the word "OBESE" on my folder in big black marker. I was shocked. I didn't FEEL that big. I knew who I was inside. I didn't even see myself THAT big in the mirror.
Shortly after that visit I had a year of surgeries and was pretty much immobile for the biggest part of it, the weight kept coming.
The kind of life I had, there weren't many family photos when I was in the size 5.. but when life settled down, I saw that now size 26wp in a photo and I wept. Surely the camera was broke!.. but it wasn't.
About a year ago, after going on and off eating plans, I weighed in at a diet program at 317.. I was shocked. I left defeated and depressed. When I began this Atkins WOE, I was at 284 by the doc's scale. Now I'm trying to focus on health and not the numbers, but some days I look in the mirror, and it seems so hopeless that I'll ever get fit again.
I can't give up, cause this is working for my other health issues. It just kills me some days to look at myself and know this isn't who I really am.
I think there is an epidemic especially among women, that we are so busy caring about everyone else around us, that we don't even think of ourselves until it's "too late". What's worse is that while we are tending to everyone else, no one's tending to us. This needs to change. We need to teach our children to take time for themselves and to always be aware of their health (without being obssessive).
Another odd thing I remember.. when I was small and fit, I looked in the mirror and saw myself as big as a house (as big as I am now).
Yet, now that I AM that big, I see myself smaller and more fit than I am when I look in the mirror.
Is this a trick of the mind, or something wrong?
Well.. there's my ramble for the day.. thanks for the ears![]()


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