Do you remember hitting the 200's? Kinda long & rambling :P

[JustBelieve]

I have been sitting here trying to think back to when I became so heavy.. when I hit 300 a while back.. my God, I don't remember hitting 200. It seems it was just there one day.
When I was in my 20's, I was wearing a size 5. I borrowed my thin male friend's jeans and shirts alot (tomboyish me). I worked, I went to college, I raised my kids and lived my life.
The next thing I knew I was at the doctor in tears because I had kept gaining weight and not been able to lose it. That was the day he wrote the word "OBESE" on my folder in big black marker. I was shocked. I didn't FEEL that big. I knew who I was inside. I didn't even see myself THAT big in the mirror.
Shortly after that visit I had a year of surgeries and was pretty much immobile for the biggest part of it, the weight kept coming.

The kind of life I had, there weren't many family photos when I was in the size 5.. but when life settled down, I saw that now size 26wp in a photo and I wept. Surely the camera was broke!.. but it wasn't.

About a year ago, after going on and off eating plans, I weighed in at a diet program at 317.. I was shocked. I left defeated and depressed. When I began this Atkins WOE, I was at 284 by the doc's scale. Now I'm trying to focus on health and not the numbers, but some days I look in the mirror, and it seems so hopeless that I'll ever get fit again.

I can't give up, cause this is working for my other health issues. It just kills me some days to look at myself and know this isn't who I really am.

I think there is an epidemic especially among women, that we are so busy caring about everyone else around us, that we don't even think of ourselves until it's "too late". What's worse is that while we are tending to everyone else, no one's tending to us. This needs to change. We need to teach our children to take time for themselves and to always be aware of their health (without being obssessive).

Another odd thing I remember.. when I was small and fit, I looked in the mirror and saw myself as big as a house (as big as I am now).

Yet, now that I AM that big, I see myself smaller and more fit than I am when I look in the mirror.

Is this a trick of the mind, or something wrong?

Well.. there's my ramble for the day.. thanks for the ears

[jackiep]

It's a trick of the mirror!!When I was thin I looked HUGE in the mirror , and as big as I am now I don't know how I fit in the same mirror!!LOL, keep yer chin up girl better days are commin'

Jackie

[winterchillsco]

OMG Wakingup I thought I was the only one that looks in the mirror and think to myself that I don't look that big. In pictures I look absolutely horrible and when I am with my friends and I see our reflection in a window I see how much bigger I am compared to them. I remember when I was pregnant...many many moons ago...how I told myself I wouldn't allow the scales to hit 200 and it got to 198 when I had my son, I had gained 65 pounds. Needless to say I never lost much of that baby fat when I started gaining more and it wasn't long before the scales were over 200. It seemed like the weight just kept creeping on and before I knew it I was 260. Then I got divorced and I thought for sure the weight would come off, boy was I wrong!! After the initial shoke wore off I went back to my comfort foods of bread and cheese and it didn't take long before the scales tipped in at 312.

Like you I still look in the mirror and I don't think I look bad at all. Maybe that's a good thing in a way because I still dress nice and take care of myself and that keeps me healthier than if I saw myself as a big fat slob that didn't care.

Mary ~
"It's never to late to be what you might have been"

[HelpWhenICan]

I don't know if I am aloud to post here or not...hope you all don't mind.

When I was in 6th grade I went for my physical so I could play volleyball and weighed in at 166. I can still see my weight on that form. I didn't want anyone to know and I was so embarassed.
When I was in 8th grade I went for another physical and weighed 180. I swore I would not hit 200. And I don't remember when I did. I know before I joined the military I had a lot of weight to lose. But I mad it with a lot of well, starvation. It was only for a little while I told myself. I will go to boot camp, and gain some muscle. When time came to graduate I couldn't with my division, because I was over the weight limit of 166...(where have I heard this number before) I lost the 6lbs and was out of there 2 weeks later. (this was done by me not eating and a LOT of exercise) I'm surprised I didn't pass out or worse
The whole time I was in the Navy my weight went up and up and up. I was too embarassed to take advantage of the gym that was avaliable for us to use. And I didn't run.
By the time I started Atkins "diet" the first time I was pushing 225. This was coming from someone who VOWED to never hit 200. of course I lost 40lbs and with the support of my commanding officer at the time, was going to stay in. (He saw that I was really trying...he was awesome!!!) But as we all know "**** happens" (please don't take offense to this) and I got out. Over a year later I am back (or I was back) at 222. I shake my head now, because I really worked hard to lose the weight that I did. (3hrs/day at the gym 6 days a week and I swam 3 days a week as well) I had a ton of support from my shop. And now, I am here again, doing this again, but now I am looking at my new "way of eating" and loving it! (just a little about me..after all that tho, I can't remember what the point of the story was!)

Have no fear, we are here to support you 1lb at a time!

222/215/150
Started Atkins 8/19/2003

[April]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>... some days I look in the mirror, and it seems so hopeless that I'll ever get fit again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It's never hopeless. There's always hope.

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>...we are so busy caring about everyone else around us, that we don't even think of ourselves until it's "too late".<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It's never too late.

When I was 352 pounds and I started low carbing, I looked at the picture of myself that I kept on the fridge and thought: "Who do you think you're fooling, April? You've got a lot of nerve thinking that you'll ever get down to 200 pounds, let alone 180! It's too late. You've gone too far and gained too much."

Well...it's good thing I DID keep that picture on my fridge (I've also put it on my web site) because looking at it made me all the more determined to lose the weight.

And I did. And it wasn't hopeless. And it wasn't too late. It took me almost 2 years, but I did it and I'm still doing it.

I can relate to what you said about seeing yourself differently. I didn't think I was huge until I saw the pictures of myself. Funny thing is, now that I am not as huge, I still can't belive sometimes that the woman staring back at me fromthe mirror is actually me.

Thanks for your post. Let us know how you're doing.

April
352 / 202 / 180
5'10", large frame, size 13 shoe
www.geocities.com/aprilreinhardt

[motherto6]

I know what you mean about that mirror. We have a video of Christmas when I was at my largest. I'm not in very much of it, but you see this huge person on the floor. I can't get over how big I am in that video. I NEVER thought I was that large!

I wore a size 5 in high school. I always that I was fat and was never satisfied with the way I looked. I used to think the world would end if I ever had to buy a size 6. Oh, silly me

I don't truly remember passing the 200 mark either. I know it happened around my senior year in college. I was in a pretty bad depression, although I didn't know it at the time. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if someone had just stepped in and helped me then? Who knows, maybe I wasn't ready to face the facts of life.

Anyway, after years of marriage and 5 of my 6 children I weighed in at 287 pounds. I actually went over 300 pounds, but I was pregnant when it happened. Right after I gave birth the last time I weighed in at 304, but I've always counted 287 as my start weight because I didn't want to count any of the last pregnancy weight.

Anyway that's my pre-atkins story. We're in it together! It is a pretty long journey we on this board have to travel, but like many many people have said we didn't get here over night either.

Michelle
287/198, 6/2002 - 6/2003
231/229, 9/1/2003 - 9/2/2003

[Aderyn]

Interesting thread! I don't remember it, really. I can remember thinking, "Well, I need to go on a diet. What's it going to take? Am I going to have to hit 150 before I take action?" Ha ha! I guess I went into a sort of denial at that point. I have the same problem of thinking I don't look all that large, although when I see pictures I'm horrified. You'd think the problems I have shopping would be enough to convince me that I AM "all that large." But no, I just always seem to think, "Gee, if I can't find clothes, what do 'really big' people do?" HELLO!!

Aderyn

[Junieshops]

I too can not really remember when I hit the 200 mark....sometime during nursing school...then I crept up and up until I hit an all time high of 280, and I like everyone else did not see myself as all that large,[I made sure the biggest part of my body was never in the mirror] and I avoided cameras like the plague! Well one day I was caught by the camera and I was horrified to see this huge person...I knew it was a trick!
This is really a good subject, sure hit home with me!

To get to the rainbow you must first pass through the rain!

[Chargeit2him]

Whe my dad passed away in 69 I was 15. That summer my best friend and I played tennis (hitting the ball back and forth) everyday. I got DOWN to 150 then I met my future husband. We hit BK and Mc D's every weekend he was home on leave. By the time I got married I was 180 and from there it was all uphill. I remember telling myself I wouldn't go over 220 then 250.I tried Weight watchers, diet pills, I joined a club but something always came up. (my weight) I finally made up my mind to see about the gastric bypass when we went on vacation to Niagra Falls. I had so much trouble breathing when I walked I felt terrible. I did call for a consultation (In march and still waiting) and decided to try one last time to see if I could do this . I figured if this didn't work I could still make another call. So far this is going ok. With all the support of this group I feel more confident that I can succeed. I thank all of you for that.
Sandy

started 7/26/2003
one day at a time...one pound at a time
337/319/200

[JinniLynn33]

I have always been overweight. Or atleast big. In 5th grade I was 5'7 and 148. I remeber being so embarassed that I had to shop in adult stores at age 10. In 7th grade I was 5'10 and 198 according to the nurses scale. I really swore I would never gain any more weight. But I did. 220 all through Highschool, even playing sports all seasons. College 240 freshman year, 258 sophmore year. Dropped out at 21 I was 311 and became pregnant with my twins. Gained up to 379 with pregnancy, was so happy after I had the boys and was down to 353 in the hospital 4 days after giving birth. Depressed alone in a college town I went up to 403. Today I am 314. Long road back. I am making it. I have been doing a weird my own version of low carbs for the last 2 years, taking otc diet pills and on and off exercising. I hate the numbers. I am so glad I am not taking those whacky pills anymore either. I just want to be healthy. I really love it when I go to the health club and I am on a efx machine and I go longer than the person next to me. My friends appear to be motivated by me, but I really feel like they are just thinking if she can do it why can't I? I don't like that, but I have to remeber everything isn't about me. Probably another website for that. Anyway, that is my story, and I am so glad to be in the middle of my weight loss than at the beginning.

Thank you to everyone on this site,

Virginia

I can do this!!

[Doctor Insomnia]

Waking up... It's a funny thing. The more hopeless it seems, the more likely your diet will work. You take this seriously. There are so many people that don't. So have faith.

I don't remember 200. I remember being a kid and going to the endocrinologist with my mom, probably when I was about 10 or 11. She thought he would find something wrong with me glandularly that would explain my obesity. My mother had me convinced that they would give me a thyroid pill and I'd turn into a sleek Adonis overnight.

Instead, he told us that he couldn't find anything wrong with me and that I should just go on a diet. I said, what do you mean? My mother volunteered that I like tuna fish sandwiches. He said that's good, but, instead of eating one whole sandwich, I should just eat half a sandwich.

I was horrified!!!!!!!

And then, my brilliant little mind struggled for some possible explanation of my own about why I was so fat. I asked him, "Is it possible that some people have, uh, oversensitive taste buds? Like, maybe food tastes better to them than other people so they can't help eating more?" He thought that was hiliarous. It sounds cute now, but at the time I was mortified.

My hopes were dashed. I was just a worthless fat kid. No sleek adonish in a pill for me. And I sure as hell wasn't going to eat half a tuna sandwich. I think that idea lasted with my mother until dinner time.

The first time I remember being 200 is when I was 21, some twenty-five years ago, coming down from a morbidly obese 310, mostly with the help of the Atkins diet.

[JinniLynn33]

You know Dr Insomnia I am so there. My mother told me I have been fat since I was a baby even the doctor told her to take me off formula and put me on skim milk when I was 8 mo old. that was just the first of many visits to find out what was "wrong" with me. I don't care how, or who, or why I got fat at this point. I am the one taking responsibility and changing it. It has no power over me and it is not going to be my excuse or reason. I am focused and ready to move forward. You guys are really awesome!!!

V

I can do this!!

[horsemom]

I was a heavy child, (you all remember the school yard taunts... whether you were the receiver, the giver, or just a bystander). When I was 17 I went on a 'low fat' (just call it what it is, a starvation diet) aided by DIET PILLS (yes in caps, because it started at one a day, then two a day, then... and so on because it stops working after awhile) and lost over 100 pounds.

I met the man who would become my husband, and life was good, but I had to take the pills to keep the weight off. It got to where I was passing out from not eating. I exercised like a demon all the time, but I was not healthy. When we got married I threw away the pills because we wanted a family. My weight started going up, and with two back-to-back pregnancies, I was over 240 in no time. For several years it sort of wavered in that area, going up maybe 5, sometimes 10 pounds a year, but it wasn't fast, so it was easy to ignore. And like many of you, I didn't feel 'fat' or see myself as 'fat' even though I knew I was. There were all the usual excuses. I'd see someone bigger than myself and take comfort in the fact thatI wasn't that big... there's always someone bigger than you, sadly, it's not hard to find anymore. I could still do most of the things anyone else could do, or at least that's what I told myself. Oh, and how about, I love me just as I am. Luckily for me my husband did... and it's important to love yourself no matter what, but sometimes it's just an excuse.

I do remember way back 22 years ago when I'd lost all that weight that first time, that I didn't really see myself as thin. Certainly as not as fat as I had been, but I never looked in the mirror and didn't see fat. Now I look at pictures from that time and think what the heck were you thinking? You were skinny. I think that's something I really want to make sure I realize this time as the weight comes off. It's rather important.

Anyway, for the last five - ten years as I approached and then exceeded 300 pounds my energy level dropped to the non-existant zone, and I knew danged well I was fat, there wasn't any denying it anymore, but I just knew I couldn't do that low-fat, starvation diet thing. Then a friend of mine pointed out the Atkins web-site, (thank God for that) and I figured I'd look around... three weeks later I'm feeling much better, and I'm CONFIDENT that I can do this, and best of all it's totally drug free. Imagine that, loosing weight without diet pills, I NEVER thought that would be possible, and I'm never hungry! How cool is that?

315/299/150 (Started 8/17/03)

[JinniLynn33]

LOVE NOT BEING HUNGRY!!!!

I can do this!!

[Joyce]

I started out as the biggest baby(and only girl) my mom had at 10.5lbs. My 5 brothers were all smaller. She always told me that they fed me mashed bananas in the hospital right from the start because I was so hungry. Can you imagine that? They gave me my start to high carb eating, lol.

I don't even like to think of when I hit the 200 mark but I do remember when I was in my early 20s and my best friend hit that mark. I was mortified and said that'd never happen to me. I hit the 200 mark somewhere in my 40s, though I've struggled to hold my weight to 20-30lbs. overweight most of my adult life.

I'm totally in love with this new way of eating and I also love the self-regulating power of it.

Joyce