I have derailed!

[cookielover]

I was doing GREAT with my diet, and then I hit a bump in the road. No big deal I thought, I will level out tomorrow. I'm still waiting on tomorrow to get here. My best friend went on the diet with me, and I'm jealous that she is doing so much better than me. She skips meals, but as I have said before sometimes rubs it in that she is losing more than me. I just got upset and basically gave up.

I had lost almost 20 pounds, but have gained about eight of those back. I'm starting over, but it is going to be a struggle. The only support I have is this board, so I'm asking for help with this.

Thanks.

[MissScruffy]

Gosh, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. But, you have already shown yourself that you can lose so just brush the crumbs off and get back to doing what you already knows works! And, don't measure your successes against another person's because every one is so different! It only causes heartache! Best of luck and I am rooting for you!

[Maxibee]

I was having a good weekend, until we went out to lunch and the choices were limited. Then I overdid it tonight with all the lovely fresh fruit I bought. But, ya know what? I'm gonna get up in the morning and start over....you're never a loser until you quit trying.

Someone wise once said "You're never more than one meal away from being on plan." She was right!

[Goddess]

hello.

ummm....do you have some name i can use to address you other than "cookielover"? i realize it's probably intended to be humorous, but i am personally not comfortable with it. do you have any other, more "carb-friendly" names i could use?

but on to your post. a word of advice: as long as you're "dieting", then yeah, you'll have a tough time. because diets can be broken, cheated on, abandoned. and you expect diets to end. this doesn't, changing your weight for life. you either change how you're eating, period, or you WILL gain all the weight back, period. there is no starting over, ruining anything, or finishing anything. if you want it to work, it has to become "just the way i eat."

and when you do end up for whatever reason eating offplan, well..get back on plan and that's that. it means whatever you decide it means. why do you say you are "starting over?" there is no starting over. you don't "undo" anything by making a choice here or there that doesn't support your goals. you just delay reaching those goals. there is just conitinuing, every day, to try and make as many choices as possible that support your long-term goals. this is a way of eating, it's just how you eat. if you expect to "do low-carb" for x number of weeks and then go back to your old habits, you're wasting your time. if you find yourself "derailed" as you put it, why not look at what happened, try and figure out what made you suceptible, and then move on, huh? then you can use it as a HELP instead of an excuse for eating offplan for days at a time.

you've also talked before about this friend, and i'm not really sure why you continue with the situation as it is. it's clear that your "friendly weight-loss rivalry" is neither helpful or friendly. you've said that she eats in a way that you don't consider healthy, skipping meals and such. you've said you've told her what she says upsets you and she refuses to stop talking about it, and now you've decided this banter has made you decide to give up for a while as well?

so excuse me if i'm being presumptious, but why on earth do you continue to be "diet buddies" with her? why not be friends still if you want, but stay off of the dieting subject, since it clearly does NOT help you? if it's supposed to be a support and it's not, why do it?

it's true, everyone feels down sometimes. i'm sorry you've had a rough time and feel discouraged. but if you keep doing the stuff that's leaving you discouraged, if you keep making the same decisions, you'll keep having the same outcome.

to be honest, i really think the biggest help you can get is from yourself, changing the way you are thinking about things.

the secret to success isn't in exactly following your plan, although sure, you're plan is important. but the real secret is in how you think about it and approach it. you decide what you get by what you focus on.

so start focusing on what you want.

good luck to you.

[GeeGee]

Cookielover--

Just get back on track as soon as you can.

Perhaps there is a lesson of sorts to be learned from this "friendship."
http://www.cyberparent.com/friendshi...friendship.htm
Are there other people in your life (childhood) that behave(d) this way? Did you overeat in response? If yes, are you willing to continue overeating instead of limiting the source? http://www.cyberparent.com/friendship/limits.htm

My friendships changed as my weight decreased. My best friend was accustomed to being the cute skinny one with the fat sidekick...It was hard for her when we would go shopping and I fit into the smaller dress. It was hard for her when we went out and I got more attention. It was *so* hard for her that when people complimented me for losing the weight she would respond with, "She's smaller cause she did Atkins, so sad that she risked heart disease to look like this..."

I must admit she was always that way. I accepted her behavior because I was afraid I'd lose her friendship. I think she acted that way because she was afraid she'd lose my friendship just like I lost the extra weight. We're still friends; i simply limit her toxicity in the same way that we limit carbs.

Good luck and hang in there.
GeeGee

[TuscanSun]

Great ideas to think about everyone...thanks I really needed this today even if I'm not the original poster

[LCLoser]

Goddess definitely hit the ole nail on the head. I've started and stopped thisway of eating many times,because I looked at it as a temporary diet. I've found this time somuch easier, because it is now (finally) my way of eating. I think once you can get your mind around that- the pressure of losing the weight faster than someone else goes out the window!

Drink your water, and DON'T give up on yourself! You are worth it.

[CushieButterfield]

Originally Posted by GeeGee

It was *so* hard for her that when people complimented me for losing the weight she would respond with, "She's smaller cause she did Atkins, so sad that she risked heart disease to look like this..." GeeGee

That is about the worst thing I have heard. You can't be happy that someone lost weight so you have to make up things about their health. It's sad. I have a friend like that that I had to cut out when I had my son because I didn't want him around that negative energy.

Originally Posted by cookielover

I'm still waiting on tomorrow to get here.

cookielover, I understand your frustration. But don't give up or wait too long. I waited for tomorrow for three months when it finally came and then I didn't do really well for another month. It was harder to restart than start at all. I knew this was the best but lost my motivation even being so very close to 299 which was my first big goal. I hope you've found your motivation. What I found now is that if I do have something off plan, don't blow the whoel day...now I just came to this realisation recently but last night as I was reading DANDR (again for inspriation) Atkins says that right in there. of course I didn't take that to heart the first of even third time I read it.

When it comes to your friend try not to judge your weight loss by hers. The girl I know that is getting weight loss surgery is starting out at my weight and I know that I cannot judge myself by her but use it as motivation to stick to the plan and see what a healthy diet and exercise can do versus WLS. Of course she'll lose much, much faster but I know I am trying my best. Your friend won't lose that much faster but everyone's body is different. I think you should try to distance yourself if she is going to keep making comments to derail you.

Don't let the mean people win! You can do it.

[cookielover]

Thanks for the words of wisdom everyone. The truth is I was having a pity party and wanted to have lots of guests!

[Junieshops]

Misery always loves company Hope you are feeling more in control now

[BertaDott]

Thanks, Goddess, wow did I need that. I quit paying attention to what I ate a few months ago.... about once a month I would start paying more attention..well, tomorrow, again. I've always said it was a way of eating, just quit thinking..seems to be a downfall somedays, the thinking.

I may just have to post your response on the refrigerator, started to say my forehead, but I would never see it there.

Haven't gained but about 5 lbs...but the inches gained were certainly more than 5 lbs worth.

Thanks again, and I'm back to monitoring this web site.. great inspiration

[Rhalvahn]

Hi BertaDott!
I just got back from vacation, and the choices I made on vacation were definitely not healthy. Stepping on the scale - 223. YUCK YUCK YUCK. I was on vacation for 10 day and gained 7 pounds. Sheesh. But no worries - I'm back in the saddle again this morning. Coffee, sausage, eggs & bacon for breakfast. I drank down a bunch of water this morning as well. I am on induction for a couple weeks, and will start back my running after Wed. I have a big web project due, and have to spend all my free time (when I'm not working) taking care of that.

Hope your week is going well!