words of encouragement for folks starting

[Deb]

I wanted to share my thoughts with everyone when it comes to the daily struggle of trying to stay on a diet especially when you are just starting and have so far to go... What kept me going all along was simply telling myself one thing over and over. You see I started at 345! the largest I've ever been, I was at the point of not being able to walk from the street to my front door without being out of breath. Everything was an effort, I had no interest in anything and even my buddy food was failing to give me comfort. I was very depressed to say the least. I hated my life and was embarrased to even go out. I knew I didn't want to live like this the rest of my life, nothing to look forward to and feeling very very ugly. What I kept telling myself was "your life is not going to be any different unless you stay on this diet! Is this what you want to look forward to ( being misserable?) for the rest of your life? I knew that each day I was doing something to change my life and each day "I was in a better place than yesterday!". Now here I am 112 lbs down and feeling great (and sexy I might add :O ). I'm not stopping until I've reached my goal, I like this new me! You can do it too... it works. Don't you want a happier life, a happier day?? It gets much better each day!!!!

[babybluejay1]

Today I've been reflecting a bit on my old self. Thinking back I feel real sorry for my old fat me. She was so sad and lonely. People treat you different when you are overweight especially guys. I remember a guy joking with a pretty girl at my blood donation place and a bunch of people laughed including me but he gave me a disgusted look and asked me what I was looking at. I just went back to reading my book. The first time I lost a lot of weight I remember this guy who was nice to everyone at work but I felt invisible. I figured it was because I was just shy and kept to myself. I make sure I say hi to everyone when I see them to not be rude but he was just weird. Then I went to work in new skinny jeans and he wouldn't leave me alone even though I'm unavailable. He kept hitting on me and it was making me so angry that he kept commenting on my old weight and then my new weight and how he thought I was so pretty. It was time for me to ignore him because I was floored that people can just look at someone's outside instead of who they might be inside. I'm happier with my new me and don't plan on going back but in a way I'm glad I was once overweight. I learned a lot about people and will not be afraid to speak up if someone is treated unfairly.

[Deb]

I couldn't agree with you more. I lost all my weight years ago and remember how differently I was treated in the office and in my personal life. I too couldn't wait to give someone who treated me poorly the brush off! I also stick up for people that are in the place I was 112 lbs ago because the world seems to think that obese people aren't real people with feelings, this infuriates me. (did I spell that right?)

[eddie150]

You all are definitely speaking to me tonight! Having just started, with about 150 pounds to lose, it seems so daunting. I look forward to when I can look back at the old me, as you all are doing now, and feel the same way.

As far as being treated differently, about 10 years and 50 pounds ago (which would have put me at 300 pounds!), I dated two people in a year. I thought I was lucky because 300 pound people rarely get dates, as we all have probably experienced. However, both of them broke up with me. The first person broke up with me because they said they were in love with me, the "inside" me, but looking at me made them nauseated because I was too fat and they couldn't be physically attracted to me. A few months later the next person I dated broke up with me because they were in love with me, but couldn't be physically attracted to me because I WASN'T FAT ENOUGH!!! I can laugh about this now and say that for a while, I didn't know whether I should binge or purge!

Luckily now I have a significant other who loves me for me, no matter what my size, but is supportive of my decision to change my way of eating because he wants me around for the long term

[Maxibee]

Welcome, Eddie....if I haven't said so before.

My sister had gastric bypass surgery 4 years ago and lost over 200 pounds in less than 2 years. (LOOONG story I won't bore you with.)Anwyay, she was telling me one day how the UPS guy had asked her out. "He used to be our driver, then we had a different one for a while, now he's back on this route."
It boiled down to this: when she was 389 lbs. he just asked her to sign on the dotted line. When she got down to half her size....suddenly he was interested.

I understand that alot of people are not ATTRACTED to very obese people in a physical way. I get that. As I lose weight, I tend to attract more "attention" than I did when I was heavier. Understood.

BUT: this guy never said ANYTHING TO HER other than: "Got a package for ya." and "Sign here, please."

NOW, he's hanging around and asking her out. I agree with Deb about giving those folks the "brush off". If they were always nice to you and genuinely friendly, then you lost alot of weight and they became physically attracted to you as well as being your friend, that's fine.

DON'T ignore me or treat me like crap until my butt is more the size of your liking, then I'm "all that". That's all I'm saying.

When DH and I first go married, he was around 270-275 and I was about 240. So, 30-35 pounds difference. He went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and was weighed at over 300 lbs. (The scale couldn't weigh any more weight than that.) Now, I am around 212-214 and he is struggling to drop some pounds. So, we're like 85-90 pounds apart.

We don't focus on each other's weight much. Thankfully.

[Goddess]

one thing i've also noticed: not only do other people percieve me differently now, i percieve myself differently. part of the issue with getting more attention (which i do now, unsurprisingly--although i gotta blame some on the pink hair!) is that i am more self-confident, more outgoing. i feel more attractive, so i act more attractive.

I'm reading this way after you guys talked about it but there is a lot about this subject that hits home. For one thing...ALL my life, I always thought I was too fat and that noone would be interested in me. Everytime I had a boyfriend I figured there was something wrong with them for liking me. As much as I agree that people should be friendly to ALL people regardless of appearance I wonder somewhere on a very deep level if I piled on a lot of this weight so men wouldn't look at me. I was always so uncomfortable with attention and always figured they had some angle. I did not trust men at all. And at least now, I know the men that I am around like "ME". I also was compairing myself all the time to other woman...this one was taller, she was thinner, had a nicer butt or whatever. I don't know where I'm going with all of this but I guess I just needed to express my thoughts and views on the subject.

[eddie150]

Isn't it funny how when you start a true way of eating, a new way of life, you start examining your life and what got you here in the first place? I was just reading Amber's post and it sounds like some conversations I've had with my therapist! Food issues can cover up so many things, or mean so many things . . . so many times, the actual food isn't what's wrong, it's what's driving you to eat it, and driving you to fail at a diet. I personally think that if less attention was paid to the mechanics of weight loss (i.e. "count your calories" "watch your fat" "exercise" "have some willpower") and more attention to treating the whole person, including the emotional aspects, so many of us would have so much better success with weight loss. Problem is, too many people, including health care professionals, think we're just lazy slobs with no willpower. They don't stop to think that we may be hurting inside, and that hurt may be the true cause of the problem. Just my two cents.

Amen Eddie! I couldn't have said it better.

[beachfox]

Its been my experience - (and I've been around long enough to experience quite a lot!!!) that anything I've ever done to excess is simply a manifestation of an underlying personal issue that I've needed to address. My weight was no different - so sounds to me like everyone is well on track here!!

[Maxibee]

I am in no way affiliated with the good Dr.Phil.....but my women's group took almost a year to cover word for word, page by page: "The Ultimate Weight Solution: 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom" by Dr.Phil McGraw.

This book EXACTLY addresses what Eddie and Sarah are talking about here. Dixie will warn you all to skip the nutrition chapter! LOL! But seriously....the other 7 Keys are about getting your thoughts straight, healing old wounds, keeping your environment clear of unhealthy foods, resisting impulses, exercise, (I need to go back and read that Key again!), and support. It's good, practical information you can use to HELP you on your weight loss journey.

With this book, Dr.Phil addresses not only what you are eating.....but more importantly: what's eating you.

Ok - I'm going to buy the book. Even though I KNOW I'm smarter than Dr. Phil!

[Goddess]

laughing at sarabear!

and as maxibee says, i do always tell folks to ignore that nutrition chapter. it's actually not that far from low-carb as i recall, but not close enough for my liking.

i am not personally a dr. phil fan (i don't watch daytime tv, so i've never acutally see a whole episode of his show), but i can say that the info and insights in this book about how overweight people think rang very true for me. i found it very helpful and that it reaffirmed some things i knew deep down, but didn't always think about or addressing beliefs that you have but don't usually examine. i think it's a wise investment.