Small Victories....

[kimjmj]

Hey all!!

Just had to share my experiances at the ol' family bar-b-que yesturday.

I keep books for my dad and had some work to catch up on, so I was alone in the office working while everyone else was out playing. I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself, that no one cared if I was there or not, yada-yada. Then gonna-be SIL came in and asked if I wanted to be a bridesmaid. I was so touched!! Two major reasons -- First, the ex-SIL was a stuck up, 90lb soaking wet, spoilt rich (word that rhymes) that always treated me like her "poor white trash relations", so it is very nice that this SIL actually is a real, kind, considerate, and just plain down to earth person that doesn't get caught up in how much money you spend on things and how trendy you dress...(ten years I lived with that..ugh!!). But the other reason I was so touched is that I feel it's a vote of confidance that I will continue to loose weight and will not stick out like a sore bloated thumb in the wedding party. I figure if I can get another 40lbs off by then (5lbs a month, not too much to ask) I'll look better than I have in about 8 years. Granted, it is their day, but I've not mentioned to any of the extended family I've changed my woe and don't plan on seeing them until the wedding. What a great surprise if there's 80lbs (aprox) less of me when I next see them!! It's that moment that's going to keep me focused!!

On a similar note, my offering for the bar-b-que was my favorite chicken cabbage salad, modified to a low carb version. My gonna be SIL loved it and we were talking about the recipe. I mentioned that I was glad i brought it since everything else (except my steak) was definately not LC. She apologized for bringing her potato dish saying she didn't even think about me. I said that was fine, I don't expect anyone to take care of me but me. My brother chimed in saying how impressed he was with my attitude. Now you have to realize my bro has always been a star athlete and most popular guy around, where I've always been the fat nerd, so we're not exceptionally close. In fact, until his divorce his attitude was pretty much the same as his ex's.

I know it's mostly in my head, but I really feel like I've always been the family embarassment. It's nice to finally feel that changing. And yes, I'm realizing that has more to do with my self image than the way I percieve I've been treated....

Just though I'd share...

Call me Bob....

"Can't Means Won't"
"No matter where you go, there you are..."

[April]

Man, oh, man...I can relate to this topic IN SPADES!

I've ALWAYS felt like the embarrassment of my family because of my weight! When I was growing up, my brothers and sister and Mom and Dad could eat anything they wanted (and did!) and wouldn't gain an ounce. Dad admonished Mom to "do something about April's weight" when I was 8 years old, and thus the story of me going to Weight Watcher's meetings. (I won't go into that just now...very ugly).

Anyway...it wasn't because I was made to feel ugly or anything, it's just that I could sense that my siblings were more "accepted" and I wasn't. I equated that with "they are loved more" and yadda, yadda, yadda...bottom line...I'm not loveable because they wanna change me because I'm FAT.

That carried over big time into adulthood and I tried very, very hard to NOT be the black sheep of the family. I even put off divorcing my abusive husband after one year of marriage because if I had, I would have been the only divorcee amongst my siblings. I stayed with him 15 years.

Well, I found the low carb way of life and discovered a whole ****load of self esteem in the process and lost a ton of weight and divorced the maniac and didn't give a fart what anyone else thought and, guess what? I found out that my family absolutely did NOT think me an embarrassment and that, basically, it was all in my head.

Jeeze...the mind games we go through with ourselves, eh?

I'll shut up now. I'm babbling. I just wanted to say how I relate to your post and your feelings. Good luck with your endeavors and your weight loss and the wedding. I'll look forward to more posts from you.

April
352 / 205 / 180
5'10", large frame, size 13 shoe
www.geocities.com/aprilreinhardt

[granny]

Wonder why we always tend to think that others are thinking the worst of us? But I now realise that much of what has been said to me over the years wasn't 'meant' the way I took it!! My Mom was always 'on me', but I know now after talking with her about it, that she was truly trying to encourage me and be helpful?!?!

I work very hard to not allow my weight to become a topic of conversation..so I am learning to treat myself as well as I treat others. I just try to see the best in others and treat them kindly and allow them to be who they are.

Anyway, I surely can relate to feeling like the embarassment of the family.

[chippykd]

Maybe for some it's in their heads, but for others it's a reality. I grew up battling anorexia and my mom STILL saying, "You'd look so much better if you'd only lose a few pounds." For my mother: worth = weight! Needless to say, she is not in my life and I have found that I AM worth a hell of a lot more than she led me to believe. And I give my wonderful DH the credit for loving me and accepting me the way I am -- fat or not!

It's so sad the way we suffer over things like this. So much pain -- and time wasted!

At any rate, Kimjmj, you mean something here!!!

Kellie, F38
Started Atkins 8/1/03 (off and on for the last few years but sticking to it this time!)
206/194/160 -- 9.5 inches GONE! (as of 9/3)

[mary20nh]

Chippykd- I too have been on atkins off and on for the last year and this time im going to stay on it. No more games,made my mind up to stick with it. My daughter is going to have the operation to fix her problem but I told her thats not for me. I have done it before and im going to do it again.Im going to keep coming in the rooms as I do find it very supporting. Congrats to all for doing so well,keep up the good work.

[Doctor Insomnia]

My family was ashamed of me. Actually, just my father and my step-mother. I was the fat child. I have four brothers and one sister who didn't have the weight problems I had.

My sister-in-law made a startling discovery one day. She said she could find very few pictures of me in the family photo album. She did a real hunt for them, too. There were about four, almost all Christmas group pictures. This in an album collection of several hundred photos.

I knew I was a disappointment to them. They were loud-mouthed alcoholics and didn't have any trouble about letting people know exactly what they thought.

Now, along came 1979. I had lost my weight. I showed up on their doorstep sleeker and thinner than they had ever seen me. They were all hugs and congratulations and you have so much will-power and I bet you've got lots of cute girlfriends now. And so on. They went really far out with all this blathering praise. All I could think was, "So NOW they're satisfied. Well, f*** them."

***********************
"Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door."

[heres2hope]

I know that the weight that I carry is all about an inner feeling. My mom was tiny 4'8" and 90lbs. Cute and small. Me and my sisters take after my dads side of the family and were never small. I look back at pictures as a kid and think I was cute and I wasn't that big but as a child I felt so fat. I remember as an adult seeing a picture of an attractive teenager laying on my moms bed and holding a baby over her head. I remember thinking who is that pretty girl on my moms bed. I asked my mom and you guessed it, it was me. I never saw myself as attractive and always felt really big. Pretty to my mom was small and petit. I can remember loosing 5lbs and telling my stepdad and him saying 'turn around I think I found it.' My poor sister April was fat (I can remeber my stepdad holding her feet for her and her doing 50 sit-ups in 1st grade}and I can't even go into all the hell that she had to live through. She ended up running away and became a prostitute and was killed by a mass murderer. Her body was discovered 20 years after her death. My other sister had surgery to loose weight. She was a size 3 for years but now is a size 10 and concerned and trying to loose weight.

So now I am the mom. I see my little boy starting to get a little tummy and I don't want him to feel about himself the way I did/do. It is time to break the cycle. I will eat healthier and so will he. We won't talk about it I will just do something about it.

Wow this has made me sad. As I sit here and let my emotions run free I am hit by the fact that I don't want to eat. That is not normal, that is the effect of low carb. I feel that I am on the right path.

[Oonagh]

I can so relate to all of youl.... My family comes in two flavors: 1: Fat, fat, and fatter, and trying to lose wt. or 2. Skinny, Skinny, and Skinnier, and STILL trying to lose wt. I actually managed to be anorexic in high school by eating about 500 calories a day, fasting for long periods of time, and running till my feet bled. I would faint while I was running. At that time I weighted about 100 lbs, but my mom (same ht.) was trying for 89 or so. You could see her backbone from the front. I vacilated between thinking she was perfect and too thin. Both of us thought I was WAAAAy too fat. I couldn't keep up the running, weight room, and sports on those calories so I climbed to about 125 (5ft 4 3/4). That year the Tennis coach was glad I quit fainting, but the regular PE teacher pulled me and my best friend (5'6'' 135) and put us in the "Fattie" class. Everyone else played sports and we fat girls did calesthentics the whole time. Boy was that a lot of fun! It was the long green mile walking out to class every day. When I hit size 9 ( the old size nine) the saleslady at the bikini shop down the street said "Im sorry, we don't carry fat sizes here". Needless to say I spent a lot of time hoping no one would ask me to be a bridesmaid! Both the fat family side and the skinny family side were always asking my mom what she was doing to help poor me with my weight problem. My self portraits at the time look like I weight about 450 pounds. When I looked at the family pictures I saw the same thing: This gross fat girl in the middle of a normal (lol) family. My dad passed away recently and when we looked through his photos, slides, and albums I couldn't identify the child, teenager, etc. in the pictures. My stepmom, who didn't know me then, finally said "Why that's you!! You told me you were always fat? This girl is strong, athletic, and really great looking! That came as a big shock, i can tell you.