?Sabotage?

[Sandys Time]

I'm doing fine with 29lbs gone, probably bouncing and smiling around the house more than normal. I have more self confidence this time than any other time I've tried to lose the weight. Now I'm noticing a few things about my DH and the comments he's making. In some way I believe he's trying to sabotage me. Don't get me wrong my family knows I'm lcing, they don't say much about it and haven't complained that most of their goodies are gone. Anyway, several times this weekend DH has offered me food, ice cream (from the icecream truck) and various colas. I have taken each offer in stride and said no thank you. He makes this awwww thats right you can't have that. Then smiles and goes on with what he's doing. Now in all honesty I don't have cravings for anything he's offered and I'm quiet content, but I'm disappointed in him for the fakeness in his voice. I'm not about to start eating hc foods again. This time is my final hour and I love seeing that scale move down. I know my goal is within reach as long as I follow my head.

So with all that said I was wondering if anyone else has had this experience with anyone close to them. Advice? Opinion?.....both are welcomed.

Thanks for the support here

[Maxibee]

Hmmmmm, maybe he is feeling a little insecure with the new you. Is HE overweight? My dh either forgets or pretends to forget about certain things having carbs in them. "Want some of this popcorn, honey?" Maybe you should just ask him. Or, tell him that you read an article online about how losing a certain percentage of body weight makes the libido go into overdrive. I bet he'd be all about the lowcarb stuff after that! I don't think my hubby is trying to sabotoge me...I just think he's a dunce sometimes!

[April]

I don't think my hubby is trying to sabotoge me...I just think he's a dunce sometimes!

LOL!

[clw56]

I have one of those dunces, too!! LOL. You know, so much of our humor is sarcastic, that sometimes we make a joke that falls flat. If he's used this line a few times now, I'd look him right in the eye and say in my most serious, deadpan voice, "I'm not laughing" or "Not funny" And then just leave it there.

[LisaC]

It does sound like he's feeling very insecure right now. A lot of hubby's do when the wife looses a great deal of weight.


That's a good idea to mention the "article" if hubby is interested at all in the bedroom. You might also request that since you're feeling overly sensual, that he help you choose a cute little "nothing" at the store or in a catalog? Just a thought. Sometimes getting them in on the positive side of things really wins them over.

[Goddess]

well, i'm a believer in family systems theories of psych. and the basic idea there is if one member of a system changes, the whole system changes, and other members will often try to get the system back to the old way, even if the new way is better. human nature.

i ended up having a heart-2-heart on this subject with my teen daughters. they were showing up with brownies and poptarts at home...all my old favorite food. and when we got into it, essentially i got that #1. i am no longer the fattest person in the house, which is the role nobody else wants to take over, and #2. as long as i was eating whatever i wanted, then they didn't have to face up to their own food choices. 'cause you know, mom's ok, and i'm not a big as mom, so...

seriously. we're very direct here.

i think husbands are also often threatened at least a tiny bit by the confidence and changes you make. again, you're rocking that boat. or maybe he's just a goof and thinks he's being funny.

you may want to consider telling him that these little "offers" hurt your feelings. you would hope he would wants what's best for you and support you every way you can in improving your life, right? whaddya wanna bet he's not thinking of it that way at all?

[beansmom]

I think I speak for us all when I say we will look the other way while you smack him! LOL

[CherylwithaC]

Dear Sandy

My husband acted the same way. He would bring home Dr. Pepper and goodies for me, when in the past he never did. Plus, he never mentioned my weight loss or that I looked better. I had lost 49 pounds once and he never said a word. So I know how you feel. This time around, he'd talk about how he heard how bad Atkins was. I became pro-active this time and responded with how bad he eats (he is thin and eats awful and never gains weight). I started quoting things from the paper about his foods, and compared to it my protein and vegetables. It worked! He stopped. Plus, I flat out told him to not bring home anything. When he did, I'd ask point blank if he was trying to keep me from losing weight. He would apologize and now doesn't try to get me to try food or go off the diet. I also told him I was hurt that he hadn't said a thing about me losing weight and he acted surprised because he didn't realize it. Now he will make comments about how nice I look, etc. Sometimes they are backwards compliments like "Cheryl, you've lost a lot of weight in your neck - lots of loose skin." But he meant it in a good way - LOL. I think for years the subject of my weight was off limits - I didn't discuss it and he knew I didn't want him to bring it up. But I talk about it alot now which helps him to talk. I involve him - compliment when he cooks (barbeques), and ask him to help me do well. I let him know if he says something that is hurtful. And, I'll talk about us growing old together and the fun things we can do when I lose weight so he knows I'm not going anywhere. Hope this helps.

[MaryKay]

My DH has been very supportive in this. He knows I have waited so long to find something that works. Mother, however, is another story. We went there this weekend and I think I was in the door 30 seconds when she says 'You don't look like you've lost any more weight". Sheesh. Hubby was nice enough to say she was nuts cause I definitely look like I have.

[Goddess]

geez marykay! i don't even know the woman and i have a strong urge to slap her now! lol

[jestey]

Cheryl - I think you hit a major nail on the head. For years, ladies, we trained our spouses that they were never, ever to comment on our weight or eating habits. So, the poor guys are rudderless in bumpy seas now - not sure what to do (who ever heard of a husband who LIKES change?). Anyhow, that does not mean that we can't retrain them - no crappy food and no Mr. Fix It behavior - the difference here is that we have all taken responsibility for a new WOE. It takes direct discussion about how their decisions to bring scuh foods into the homeis detrimental. I really like how Cheryl stresses all the benefits to come from this WOE.

[Goddess]

jen, your comments about conditioning our husbands to "not talk" about weight is interesting. it was a month or so ago i actually told my husband my weight: the first time in the 15 years we've been married! i didn't realize it until he pointed it out, but before then, i'd never given the man an actual number, ever. lol now i'm happy, because for the first time in YEARS, i weigh less than my 6-ft-tall hubby. yay!

i don't know that i completely buy the "rudderless" idea, though i do like the "dunce sometimes" theory. LOL! i think sometimes they're trying to be funny.

my husband flinched for a proverbial minute when i started, noting that i didn't "feel" the same when he huged me, but he quickly recovered, saying he wanted me to do whatever i needed to do to be healthy and happy and be around a very long time.

he also noted that now he had to take stock of his own eating habits--a pretty common theme, i think, from the people close to use, and has started eating lc with me now.

interesting topic!

[heykim]

marykay... my sister and your MOTHER must be related..*L* older sister always tells me i look too fat.. or too thin.. NEVER just right...*L*.. it used to bug me... but now i keep remembering how she was jealous of the little blonde baby I was... and how she was always the older big sister with the blah brown hair ..ect.. OLD childhood hurts die hard..*L*... now myself.. i remember my EX husband saying to someone ( i overheard it) how my "SISTER is the pretty one.. but that KIM is .. is.."?? aw hell.. i dont even REMEMBER what he said I was...:-( it broke my heart and obviously I HAVENT gotten over THAT remark..*L*... so i guess when I can get OVER that.. then i will expect HER to get over me being the "cute blonde baby" 'grin'

[Sandys Time]

Kim your post made me giggle, thank you!

As for the rest of you......believe me I brushed off the "mistakes" of DH. I have my beliefs in this WOE and I'm not going to change now. This is working and I'm giddie with each day....whether it be the scale, a new recipe, a post that catches my eye or how my clothes fit. "Choices" <--- that is a word I live by on this journey. No one is perfect least of all me, but we all need the support of someone and thats why we're here posting to our content. You all give great advice and I see myself in so many of you! BIG GROUP HUGGGGGGGGGGG

[jestey]

So glad, Sandy! And YOU hit the nail on the head. It's all about choices.