byon 01-21-2009 at 11:03 PM (507 Views)
I have to admit that I've followed those bread crumbs a couple of times but found my way and left again. I didn't really even start, just kinda did a meal or two and quit.
I think for me it's kinda like quitting any other addiction. I wasn't ready. I emotionally wasn't ready to come back. I would read and think about it, then move away from it like I was scared or something. Not consciously really, but now that I think about it, that's what it was.
Maybe I was remember the emotional baggage that I had to go through before I could shed it, and I just wasn't ready to open up those bags. I didn't feel safe enough to do that. When I mentioned a nervous breakdown, it wasn't a euphamism, it was literal.
I am in a new safe secure place. I am strong and solid right now. But I have found that I am always a little careful about making step forward, like a kid inching his foot out on the ice to see if it would break. I've done it with my relationship, I've done it with my career, and apparently I've done it with this too...
Now, I have my wonderful man that has been shopping three times in the last two weeks to stock me up on what I need. (Even if he gets the wrong stuff sometimes and I have to try and remind him that it is LC not Low Fat) He is watching me and keeping me real and extremely supportive. He's already told me how proud he is of me and that I need to do this for me not him, cause I am perfect in his eyes. He loves my body just the way it is, even if I don't.
Sooo...Now I am ready...completely and totally without fear!!
I know that I need you guys too. I wouldn't have done so well last time without you, and I know this time will be no different. Thank you in advance to helping me peal away the layers of coverup to find the real me underneath all that!
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