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Time to say goodbye to my best friend....
Posted 03-16-2008 at 10:58 PM by LifeInMotion
Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life even though you loved them a whole lot? You knew they were toxic for you but letting them go hurt too much that you would keep putting it off, simply to avoid the pain.
I have had to do this twice in the past with boyfriends I loved deeply, one of whom was my first love. It hurt a lot, and for a long time I avoided the inevitable break up. Yesterday, I had to go through another difficult break up – but this time I had to say goodbye to the best friend I have had all my life. The best friend that has boosted me up when I was stressed or angry, the best friend that held my hand when I was upset, the best friend that was there by my side to celebrate every important milestone I’ve ever experienced.
Unfortunately, the relationship has turned toxic and it is time to say goodbye to both friend and foe. A foe who controls the way I think, a foe that has influenced me to both starve and purge, a foe that has ruled every hour of my waking day.
My best friend.
Food.
Yesterday was the breaking point in our relationship and the realization that it was the end of a lifelong partnership. It was day 5 of my Atkins Induction. I felt weak, lethargic, irritated, restless and nauseas. By this point I was expecting the energy “zing” to kick in. Alas, I was stuck lolling on the couch with zero motivation, barely able to keep my eyes open. And then it hit me. Something I’d been putting off for 5 whole days. The bold faced truth that the most influential support system I’d ever had was gone. Now how would I cope with all the emotions I’d been repressing over the years…..?
Then came the tears. Heaving, heavy, body wracking sobs. I actually felt a severe sense of loss wash over me. I didn’t understand why, after almost a week of feeling fine, I was all of a sudden taken over by emotion. But then I realized, I was grieving. This was different to the last times, as I always knew that after a short period of the inner battle that is a low fat diet that my best friend would return. This time I know that my best friend is gone for good.
Its funny how you can be so mad at something that controls your life so much yet can be so drastically upset when it is no longer there. I am so used to that comfort zone of coming home from a stressful day at work to stuff myself with any junk food I could get my hands on. I guess I’m scared of how I will deal with my feelings now that I no longer have that crutch to lean on.
You know what though? I may be scared, I may be apprehensive, I may be COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone, but I am determine to be a success. I don’t want something as ridiculous as food to rule my life anymore. It’s time to turn my back on my old pal.
It’s time to say good bye – for good.
I have had to do this twice in the past with boyfriends I loved deeply, one of whom was my first love. It hurt a lot, and for a long time I avoided the inevitable break up. Yesterday, I had to go through another difficult break up – but this time I had to say goodbye to the best friend I have had all my life. The best friend that has boosted me up when I was stressed or angry, the best friend that held my hand when I was upset, the best friend that was there by my side to celebrate every important milestone I’ve ever experienced.
Unfortunately, the relationship has turned toxic and it is time to say goodbye to both friend and foe. A foe who controls the way I think, a foe that has influenced me to both starve and purge, a foe that has ruled every hour of my waking day.
My best friend.
Food.
Yesterday was the breaking point in our relationship and the realization that it was the end of a lifelong partnership. It was day 5 of my Atkins Induction. I felt weak, lethargic, irritated, restless and nauseas. By this point I was expecting the energy “zing” to kick in. Alas, I was stuck lolling on the couch with zero motivation, barely able to keep my eyes open. And then it hit me. Something I’d been putting off for 5 whole days. The bold faced truth that the most influential support system I’d ever had was gone. Now how would I cope with all the emotions I’d been repressing over the years…..?
Then came the tears. Heaving, heavy, body wracking sobs. I actually felt a severe sense of loss wash over me. I didn’t understand why, after almost a week of feeling fine, I was all of a sudden taken over by emotion. But then I realized, I was grieving. This was different to the last times, as I always knew that after a short period of the inner battle that is a low fat diet that my best friend would return. This time I know that my best friend is gone for good.
Its funny how you can be so mad at something that controls your life so much yet can be so drastically upset when it is no longer there. I am so used to that comfort zone of coming home from a stressful day at work to stuff myself with any junk food I could get my hands on. I guess I’m scared of how I will deal with my feelings now that I no longer have that crutch to lean on.
You know what though? I may be scared, I may be apprehensive, I may be COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone, but I am determine to be a success. I don’t want something as ridiculous as food to rule my life anymore. It’s time to turn my back on my old pal.
It’s time to say good bye – for good.
Total Comments 3
Comments
 |  hello amy. i know that emotional side of weight issues is at least as hard to master as the physical side. i assume your goodbye to food is metaphorical, of course, since you must have food to survive. i am a little concerned that you're not feeling better physically by this point, though. are you eating at least 20 grams of carbs a day? are you taking sups and getting in plenty of veggies? and are you exercising a bunch? 'cause you could need more carbs if you have a lot of activity, so it might be time to move on to OWL, if that's the case. another thing i often encourage people to look at is whatever emotional issues they may have going on at the time. fact is, we all have used food for a LOT of things that don't include nutritioous sustanenece. so if you lose your coping mechanism, you lose your pressure valve, you know? please DO get the emotional support you need, as it comes up, in addition to low carbing advice. it can be rough out there, and i felt a lot of pain in your post. so do take care of yourself, please!  |
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| |  Now's the time to invent new comfort foods. Yes, there's nothing wrong with looking to food for comfort, if you choose the right foods that won't hurt your body. Of course, everyone's idea of comfort food is different. For some, it's ice cream and chips. For me, it's a wonderful hot meal, like a luscious pork roast with caulimash, or fresh bacon with scrambled eggs. Don't cry over the junk food. It's like a bad boyfriend, it's not worth sobbing over. You deserve better. You deserve good health! |
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| | Thank you for your wonderful support ladies. I am proud to announce that as of yesterday my energy "zing" has kicked in and I feel much better. I really think that getting all my feelings out was the best thing that could have happened. I feel so releaved now that weight is off my shoulders. I am lucky enough to have unlimited amounts of support from my partner, who has been by my side through all my crazy weight loss schemes in the past. I am also going to start reading a book that I bought a few years ago but only ever got part way through, all the times I attempted to finish it! It should help me somewhat with the emotional side of why I overeat, which I think is the most important issue to deal with now that I am ready to change my life. As for food, I know I can still enjoy the things I love (just in a low carb version of course!). The thing I am determind to do though is not have it RULE me anymore. That kind of weakness where one square of chocolate can lead to scoffing the whole block. It is this fact that I came to realise the other day. I think part of my tears was the realisation that I have actually some what trumped my food addiction. And that feels really, really good..... |
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Recent Blog Entries by LifeInMotion
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