One small wipe for man...

One giant leap for someone losing weight.
:s cared::sca red:
Yep, you got it, I am gonna blog about the unmentionable for the whole world to see.

In the beginning of the summer, when I was feeling desperate and hopeless, I actually considered gastric band surgery for a while. At least long enough to look at some websites. I was horrified by almost everything I saw, but the weird things hit me hardest as usual. In the section about insurance coverage, the company selling the band suggested that you write a letter to the insurance company detailing all the pain, trauma, stress, health issues, and personal humiliation caused by your obesity. Right at the top of the list were the words: Personal Hygiene. I almost threw up!

If you don't have a lot of weight to lose, you are probably mystified by this... what, do we fat people sweat more or something? (well, usually, yes). If like me, you have over a hundred pounds to lose, or have lost over a hundred --you know we are talking TP here, not just bending over to snip our toenails and scrub our tootsies!

My grandmother (dearest woman in the world to me) was obese and had arthritis and Parkinson's. Because we were so close nothing got in the way of our talking, ever. She was able to ask me for help in the bathroom where other people might not be able to. Still my heart bled for her because she had to.

Then, one day I was 40 something, with bad arthritis in all bones, fibro, and weighing over 200 pounds. Getting that wipe done right was getting harder and I was worried. Don't even ask how you do it in a stall so narrow you can't twist around!

At 278 and as pregnant as two pregnant water buffaloes, it got even harder! Every trip to the bathroom was getting to be an exercise in terror, humiliation, frustration, and physical pain. What?, did I suddenly develop Tyrannosaurus arms like in the old b movies? Short little arms and a big tail?
How would Tyranosaur- man do it?

Fortunately I could still get the job done, sort of, in most situations. Just in case though, I went around horrified that I might have missed something and SMELL bad. Believe me in my job that is worse than usual, because my students would not hesitate to tell me if I "smelled like poopy"!

I thought to myself, "I would rather die than not be able to wipe my own butt, unless I am wheelchair bound for some reason other than obesity." mm, I felt the same way about telling an insurance company that I was getting to be too fat to wipe my own posterior. Hmm,. felt the same way about the gastric band surgery too.

Thank the Lord!! I don't have to do any of that, because after the loss of only 25 -30 pounds I realized it wasn't even close to an issue anymore! Hey, Locarb diets must cause your arms to grow longer!!! Also, arthritis pain is minimized, so twisting is just as much fun as Chubby Checker said it was. Hmm, Chubby Checker didn't get that name for nothing-- do you suppose even he had this problem or did all that twisting and shouting keep him supple? Don't even go there!~!!
Ps, I can snip my toenails with out trouble too.