byon 09-04-2009 at 05:46 PM (574 Views)
I am sitting at my computer in my classroom at 4:31 pm on Friday of Labor Day Weekend. Something is wrong with this picture. I still have to score tests, rescore tests someone else did wrong, and clean up for open house. I am so tired I am crying, but I had to do something else for a minute or go crazy. I hurt all over too.
I tested 56 kindergarteners today in both their first and second languages. Thursday I had to give them a "fill in the bubble test" in English, Hey, they can't read, but they have complex listening tasks and reading tasks in their second language they need to do, right? I don't agree.
I have given 20 years of my life-- heart, body, soul and mind to this profession. I am not sure how in the world I didn't get divorced-- there was a long time there when DH would have to call me at 10-11 at night to remind me to come home. I always said if I was single, I would probably be skinny because i would have a cot, a cat, and a couple of can's of tuna in the house (no time to shop). Thank God I got my priorities straight when my son was born.
Every day I see myself doing things I don't think are appropriate for young children-- things like really testing them to death, forgetting all about play because someone higher up is pushing a curriculum that USED to be 1-2nd grade, etc. I see myself getting grouchy because they come to me with little oral lanuguage in any language, no idea how to behave with others, etc. etc. This is in an atmosphere of extreme pressure and negativity from administration, lawmakers, and the press.
Arrrgh. I used to love this job. Even though the stress has probably accounted for the 10 pounds a year I have gained since I started teaching.
Now I still love children and teaching, but when the next nine years are done, I'm DONE!!!!
Well, we can't live on retirement pay and since it doesn't seem like I am ever going back to being a writer or an artist, or any of the other hundred or so jobs I've had, I need something to do to provide for my family and help me survive the nest that will be empty a year or two after I retire.
Lately I have been dreaming about how to combine some of my talents and my interests to come up with something new. I got excited when I saw Jonny Bowden's website ad for a weight loss coach: I can imagine myself opening up some kind of business that combines weight loss (LOCARB) coaching, maybe exercise where nobody cares if you are fat (I don't plan to be when I hit goal, but I still remember how people stared at me last time I had a gym membership) so exercise or dance, and some kind of spa/cafe or even B&B where you could eat really good locarb food and just RELAX, REJOICE, RENEW, etc. Music and art fit in here somewhere, as well as massage therapy, and prayer. Nope, can't do all this myself, even though i still think I can. I know burning the candle at both ends is part of how I got in such lousy shape in the first place.
But how i would LOVE to go to such a place, and how I would love to be able to afford it. I wouldn't want an EXCLUSIVE anything, just a place where ordinary women (and men, I guess) of any class could go and find acceptance, peace, great motivation, and help.
Maybe I just crave peace right now. Is this a totally crazy idea or do you think it might work???
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