I was chatting with a friend last night who recently accepted a new position at her employer. Her new job is a lot more demanding than her old position--which she was quite accomplished at, and could more or less do in her sleep. It's been a stretch for her, but in a good way, and she was expressing surprise at how it's impacted her...

"I don't have to be talking about work," she tells me. "It's just with everything I'm doing all the time, I feel so much more self-confident. I have more energy. I feel better about myself."

I told her, "That's EXACTLY like losing a lot of weight!" And it is!

Now, I sometimes forget how much of a difference it's made, and this helps remind me. Yeah, sure, I feel better physically and I don't feel depressed at the thought of going to buy a new outfit anymore. Even if said outfit isn't in the "final size" I would like (and it's not-so what?)-it's not a stressful, upsetting experience trying to find something that both fits and doesn't resemble an ugly tablecloth now...ha!

But the boost in self-confidence has spilled over into EVERY part of my life. Those who have only met the "LC Dixie" would have been shocked to know the "Sugar-Fueled Dixie."

For example, would it surprise you to know that I used to try to hide? Blend in to the walls? This loud-mouthed, pink-haired chick who wears Sock Monkey PJ bottoms to the store now and chats up all the clerks used to aim for "invisible." Hiding behind the fabric drapes of a 4X t-shirt, slinking along the walls, even wearing my hair down in my face.

I loved ATMs and automated checkout machines because it meant less human interaction. I didn't speak up. I was accustomed to being discounted and not listened to, and I knew when I did speak up, those around me would be surprised, both that I spoke, and that what I said was intelligent. (People don't expect overweight folks to be smart. I have NO idea why. But they are almost always surprised at first if you are.)

I sat in corners, and looked for pillows to hide behind, or throw blankets, or just a jacket. I still made wisecracks, but usually under my breath, where only whoever was sitting right next to me heard them. People tended to ignore me, and I did my best to facilitate it.

That's not my life anymore. I stand out now, knowing some people will like me, some won't, and it doesn't matter. I didn't just free myself of a hundred pounds, but I freed myself of the idea that I don't count.

I remember a conversation I once had with Andrea, who founded this site. She told me the real tragedy of obesity is not health related. It's that so many people hide their light, y'kno?

I don't hide my light anymore. If people take to it, that's fine. If they don't, that's okay, too. But I'm here to stay, baby!

I'm here to stay.

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

That was well said. I too was in hiding so this really spoke to me. I only left the house 2x a month and that was to go shopping for necessities. Now if the weather is I'm walking or outside playing with my kids because I have the energy. I go places I love and now anyone not worth seeing doesn't even recognize the new me anyway - lol. That light certainly has a right to shine for us and those we love.

__________________

I sure hear what you're saying goddess. Even though I have an "out there" personality I'm always very mindful that I'm fat and try not to draw attention to myself when around strangers. I've been insulted and yelled at by people on the street and from passing cars. And when I meet clients for the first time I can see the shock on their face at my size. One client even told me that I "didn't sound fat"! Huh?!

So I look forward to lightening the load and enjoying the freedom that weight loss can bring. Don't know if I'd walk around in my nifty pajama bottoms though!

SOUNDing fat?!
That's a new one!

and yes, i've had the rude comments from total strangers...it's been a long time, but you don't forget 'em quick.

i once heard someone i'd just met talking about their new coworker, and said, "she has a huge a**, but it turns out she was a really nice person anyway...." i laughed for a good week over that one.

what do these people think, anyway?

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

They don't think-that's the problem. And too often they act as if, by being fat, you've given up your right to be treated humanely. Thank God it's just a few idiotic people-but Geeze, why do I keep running into them? LOL.

Perhaps fat people are magnets for stupid people. But, as the population fattens, there will be more targets for the stupid people. Sad but true.

I was always an "in-the-background" person, even when I was thin. So, losing weight hasn't made me more outgoing. Having to deal with people on a regular basis has, though.

Now, if we could just get across to clothing manufacturers that not all fat people have big boobs, long arms and legs and skinny upper arms, perhaps we could find clothes to fit. Case in point - pantyhose. If they fit around the middle, and actually come up over my belly button, they are way too long in the legs and bag around the ankle. If they fit in the legs, there is no way they'll come up over my belly. If I bend over, they roll down. Thank goodness there aren't many occasions that I have to wear them. And we certainly don't need to look like we're wearing tents. Give us real clothes, made for our bodies, with some give & stretch, but made out of nice fabrics, cut to fit our curves, not to just hang and cover us up.


Now, how did this turn into a rant? Sorry!

__________________
Nita

Nita,
I got the big boobs but short/average arms and legs. Yikes-forget about finding a decent fitting sweater-if they fit my boobs they have sleeve lengths better suited to an orangutan. I buy a lot of sweaters that say 3/4 length for the sleeves-but they ain't 3/4 for me. And if the pants fit comfortably over my gut the material around my legs will be flapping in the wind. I kinda sound like a troll, huh?!

Don't the clothes/pantyhose manufacturer's size these things on real people? Maybe we should offer our services to them.

love this line of chat...
I too have never been quitely hiding behind my weight... learned a long time ago to love me no matter what, and didn't really let that stop me from saying or doing anything I wanted...

the clothes tho, that has always bothered me too... I used to make all my clothes, when I was in high school, college, and when I first moved to texas about 32 years ago.... I lost some weight when I first moved here and was able to wear regular clothes (I got down to 165), and somewhere along the way stopped sewing... I need to get that machine out and do that again, then I would have clothes that really fit properly...

Every place you go to buy clothes, is sized different... wether it is wallmart, catherines, romans, jc pennys, etc. al.. they all have a different "fat" model that they use...

anyway, here is to shining the light on everyone...
c

__________________
http://www.youravon.com/cnorulak
carolyn in texas
started 8/11/03 327/268/177
5/20/08/ - 348
onward thru the fog

Carolyn,
I never did learn to sew though my mother sewed everything from school uniforms to coats to formal wear. Always was a klutz-when I tried to learn knitting as a kid the needles were taken away from me for fear I'd injure myself or others.
Have you tried Land's End plus sizes? They have a catalogue just for bigger sizes and they're quite consistent in fit and moderate in price. OOOO-how I long to get out of the 2x and 3x clothes and "down" to the XL. That's one of my goals-along with marrying Johnnie Depp-no kidding.

that's cool, carolyn. i wish i'd been more like that. i missed a lot while i was hiding, i think...

Kat-I was SO EXCITED when I got my first set of XL sweats. I could remember avoiding 3X for a long time because it was just too tight for me to feel comfortable...i just keep saying over and over, "this is just an xl. and it's not tight! wow...xl..."

It feels really good to be able to look at a rack of clothes, and realize, "Those are too big for me." You'll love it, I'm telling ya.

I'll leave your other goal betwen you and Johhny Depp, though...

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

I'm sitting here trying to remember if I've EVER looked at a rack of clothes and thought "they're too big for me". Nope,never and ain't that a shame? When I get down there I'm gonna be so crazily happy. Hope I don't get arrested.

lol

__________________

it's the first time in my life i'd been there, after lc. so i hear ya...and in short, that is why i'm here.

i hope yo don't get arrested, either!

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

I've still hung onto some of my 3x things, not because of any fear of getting that size, it's just that I love those certain things. One in particular is a black quilted vest with a leopard print collar. I just don't want to part with it, so when it's really cold (which around here isn't often), I'll put it over a big, bulky sweater & jeans and just enjoy being cuddled in it. Wish I could find another one in an XL.

Most of my 2X & 3X clothes are long gone, though. Why clutter the closet with them?

__________________
Nita

Why, indeed, Nita?! Closet clutter is a PITA, anyway. Glad to use freecycle to pass on things that are no longer useful to me.

Katalina, you WILL find a time when it's ridiculous to hold on to clothing that you'll never really need. It took me a long time to decide that my Maggie Sweet suits (petite large) had to go. I gave them to a friend who found herself suddenly in the job market and who got great benefit from them.

I now wear the petite small and they have a lot of "ease" but I'm not trying to advertise at work. anyway.

__________________