Here's a funny story that I got today in my email. Thought all of the women would get a chuckle out of it.....

The mammogram appointment

>>>I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with,
>>>?Hi, I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear
>>>to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned,
>>>?All I need you to do is step into this room here, strip to the
>>>waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clearrr?"
>>>
>>> I?m thinking, "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science."
>>>
>>> Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.
>>> Call me crazy, but I suspect a man invented this machine.
>>> It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG
>>>in less than 60 seconds.
>>>Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything
>>>nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a
>>>cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape.
>>>
>>>With the right side finished, Bel inda flipped me (literally) to
>>>the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and
>>>lean in a tad so we can get everything?"
>>>
>>>"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so
>>>why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me
>>off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my
>>>other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when
>>>we heard, and then felt, a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!
>>>
>>>"What?" I yelled.
>>>"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda
>>headed for the door.
>>>
>>>?Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?" I
>>>shouted.
>>>
>>> Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's
>>wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right
>>>back."
>>>Before I could shout, NOOOO!" she disappeared.
>>>
>>> And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men
>>>extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from
>>>the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!
>>>
>>>After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings,
>>>Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the
>>>power was off.
>>>
>>>Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness as
>>>possible. "Uh, yes...yes I did thanks."
>>>
>>>?You bet, take care," Bubba rep lied and waved good-bye as though
>>>I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
>>>
>>> Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and
>>>making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I
>>>went to lunch. Are we upset?"
>>>
>>> And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
>>>clamps

I just had a mammogram.. how about this one????

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to
worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and
doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And
you can do this right in your own home!

Exercise 1:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the
main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on
the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds (while you
hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective
enough.

Exercise 2:
Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just
perfect. Take off your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one
breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back
the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn
over and repeat for the other breast.

Exercise 3:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger
into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the
bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger
to meet next week and do it again!!

CONGRATULATIONS!

Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your Mammogram!

And just a thought for all you women out there:
MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with men?

__________________
In the cookies of life, we are the chocolate chips.

OUCH!!!