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#1 01-24-2005, 12:26 PM

A male friend of mine sent this to me. I had my dh read it and he thought it was great, so I share it with you :great:

Quote:

Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Rob · #2 01-24-2005, 12:36 PM

Sharron

ROFL

That is too funny (and too true). Thanks for the laugh!

cheftrina · #3 01-24-2005, 12:54 PM

Quote:

If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

jackiep · #4 01-24-2005, 01:13 PM

ROTFL....SOOOOOOOO true, my DH says its NOT mauve it's f***ing PINK.

Tina B · #5 01-24-2005, 02:32 PM

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Love this one

Maggie · #6 01-24-2005, 11:37 PM

I think I'm very in touch with my masculine side.

hockeygirl · #7 01-24-2005, 11:58 PM

My hubby's hockey team got their jersey's done in the colour "Periwinkle" (like a like purply-blue)...when I told them that their jersey's were an awesome colour of Periwinkle blue the team captain asked me "what the heJJ kinda colour is THAT, I told the jersey guy to make them light blue!!!?" (he had the jersey's done) and promptly took them back to the store that weekend and spent another $300 on new red ones. He told me that his team would NEVER wear a "Periwinkle" jersey! To this day the Periwinkle jerseys were never mentioned again. To this day....they are the "red team"! Haa..

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Whoopsie...shoulda kept my mouth shut I guess eh?

-Krystyne

huskersfan869 · #8 01-25-2005, 12:34 AM

That is way too funny Sharron! I love it! Only one I disagree on is that the sports...I fight DH for the remote on weekends so I can watch football...once the season is over he can have it back all weekend until football starts again!

cynthia*lc4life · #9 01-25-2005, 01:34 AM

LOLOLOL!
Dh and I laughed like crazy, and he agreed with almost all of them!

Melissa · #10 01-25-2005, 01:54 AM

Sounds very neanderthal to me! LOL

For those men reading this, "neanderthal" isn't necessarily dergoatory. In fact, I am one of those women who is truly attracted to neanderthal men...you know they type...big guys that like to wear blue jeans and flannel shirts, they don't mind a little car grease under their fingernails, are extremely handy with a hammer and nails, and they think chili dogs and chili fries are a gourmet meal.

Now, if I could just find a sweet, sentitive, generous, caring neanderthal man I might (emphasis on MIGHT) be willing to give marriage a second try...but of course, he'd have to be willing to eat my low-carb meals. LOL

CrazeeKat · #11 01-25-2005, 01:54 AM

Quote:

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

That is so true w/my DH

edoggiee · #12 01-25-2005, 02:53 AM

Quote:

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Monster trucks? What was he thinking? Those two words need to be replace by one, and that word is SEX. That thought comes way before baseball and shotguns. Although, it does help to think about baseball or shotguns while having sex.

Melissa · #13 01-25-2005, 03:49 AM

"Although, it does help to think about baseball or shotguns while having sex."

Really? And to think, all these years I've been thinking about painting dusting the cobwebs, painting the ceiling and replacing the bulbs in the light fixture. Next time I'll try baseball and monster trucks. I'm sure that will liven things up! LOL

gregg · #14 01-25-2005, 06:31 PM

Lol very funny

Catlady · #15 01-25-2005, 07:15 PM

LOL! These are great! Weirdly enough, my DH is even more fanatic than I am about keeping the toilet seat and lid down when not used. Guess I really lucked out there!

On the other hand, "if it itches, it will be scratched" describes him perfectly.

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