Dance of the Dinosaurs

Ina Hughs, Knight-Ridder Newspapers
Appeared in "The Christian Family Movement ACT

"Are you married?" asked the young woman cutting my hair. "Yes," I
Said,".... It'll be 22 years."
She stopped snipping and looked at me as if I were a dinosaur. "Aw,
come on," she said wide-eyed."To the same person!"
I guess we are kind of like dinosaurs, he and I. If statistics keep heading
in the direction they are going, we're apt to be extinct.
When Love blooms these days, people treat it more like a nasturtium
than a rose. Marriage has become an annual, not a perennial. When the
flower fades, the thing to do is dig it up and toss it out and look for a
replacement.
"Til death do us part" means "til we grow bored or restless or mad or get
hurt." Till our marriage gets spots on it or holes in it or grows a little
mildew during the hot rainy season of life.
Or til something better or younger or richer or more exciting comes along.
Love is becoming as disposable as light bulbs and coffee filters.
Twenty two years is a lifetime. It means there has been a lot of patching
and fumigating and bleaching. It means not just "love," but "like" and
"trust" and "respect" and "stick-up for" and " put up with" and "forgive"
and try to forget.
It goes deeper then heavy breathing and enchanted looks. It means
listening to the same jokes at dinner parties. Standing together at a parent's-
or a childs- grave. Spending the night in a steamed up bathroom with a three-
year old who has croup. Arguing over money, vacations, who never puts the
cap on the toothpaste, who is and isn't responsible for taking the dog to the
vet. It means days, weeks, maybe years of frustration when job
pressure or worry over aging parents or a private mid-life crisis builds
invisible walls. It means giving each other things like a set of radials or
roof repairs for Christmas.
It means waking up each morning with no cover. Tripping over shoes
in the middle of the night. It means walking into a room of strangers or
moving to a different city or starting a new job-and not feeling alone.
Hearing a certain song and going weak. Figuring what he'd order off the
menu, even if he isn't there. It means sometimes being a part of the solution-
but always being a part of the compromise.
ITS ANYTHING but boring.
She changes dress sizes and hair color and politics. He grows scalp instead
hair, develops an allergy to casseroles and loses an average of two pairs
of fingernail clippers a month.
He learns what a borderline hypochondriac she is at heart. She's
flabbergasted at his reaction when she borrows his toothbrush, or blotches
a telephone message.
He finds out how the woman of his dreams sounds when she sleeps on her
back. She learns what happens to her knight in shinning armor when he goes
deep sea fishing.
They stand by a crib and guibble over who looks like whom.. They hold
hands at graduations. They see each other in the same bathrobe,
Christmas after Christmas.
She discovers he loves gardening, taking long walks by himself and
doesn't like anyone to make a fuss over him when he's tired, but expects it
when he's sick. He finds out she's scared of moths, dentists, gas grills and
missing out on anything.
He wonders what kind of craziness it is that makes a woman cringe every
time a truck passes under a bridge on the highway. "That one almost
didn't make it, " she says. "Two more inches taller , and we'd all be sardines."
She wishes he'd come right out and say,"Get me the butter," instead of
"Do we have any butter?"
He sees her with her hair down and up. He tries not to laugh when she gives herself a home permanent and comes out looking like an SOS soap pad.
She doesn't say a word when he tries a little spray hair color on his
sideburns.
It takes a lot of living together to know what it means to love someone.
Like anything, its a matter of experience. Practice makes perfect.

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In the cookies of life, we are the chocolate chips.

Lou, that was absolutely lovely. And true. My dh and I will celebrate 37 years this April, and I can't imagine living my life with anyone else. Thanks for the thoughts.

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Nita

I've known my dh since I was 13, got engaged when I was a Sophmore and married out of highschool. I plan on being a dinasaur with him .

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I've been married for 46 years, and I love this. I got it years ago from a DJ at a columbus, Ohio radio station.

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In the cookies of life, we are the chocolate chips.

Dear God! I cannot imagine being married to this jerk for many more years....much less 20 or more. Bless you all for finding the right person. I did not. Must be nice......

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Our anniversary next month will make it 29 years. Great article!

Hope things get better for you Maxibee!

We've only been married seven years, but death is the *only* thing that could ever part us. I guess we're just lucky, because we've found all we'll ever need in each other.

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Michelle
209 / 187 / 150




DH's R&R Goal:
209 / 187 / 165
(2 months to go!)

You are all lucky. I've never found anyone that I could be married to for like 5 minutes......

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