BRAIN CRAMPS



(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?


Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.


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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey




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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very
important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal antismoking campaign.




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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,
University of Kentucky basketball forward.




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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the
lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.


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"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.


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"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
--A congressional candidate in Texas.


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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President




&n! bsp;
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"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle




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"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca




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"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.




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"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--! Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.




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"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President






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"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP




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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery


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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina


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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack
in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their
heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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In the cookies of life, we are the chocolate chips.

that last one made me laugh out loud... then if you wake up dead.....lol

tks for the giggle today
c

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http://www.youravon.com/cnorulak
carolyn in texas
started 8/11/03 327/268/177
5/20/08/ - 348
onward thru the fog

These were so funny!!

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Started Atkins-1/2/04
174 lbs at heaviest



5'0 154/136.5/130

Lou, I've heard these before, but thanks for the reminder. Some days these funnies are just the ticket for getting out of a blue funk. Thanks again.

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Nita

Good one! Some I had heard before, but not all of them.

I really likely the one from the congressional candidate where he basically stated that he was a jackass.......

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Lou, you post the cutest stuff! Thanks for the day-brightener.

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Trina

Vice-President of the Intergalactic Order of Brussels Sprouts Haters

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