i'm sure this is old as time, but it made me chuckle.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A day in the life of cats and dogs.

The Dog's Diary

08:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
09:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

09:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
01:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
03:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
05:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
07:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
08:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

source: all ovr teh inturwebz

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

ahhhhh....haven't see that funny in ages, Dix!!! Still got a chuckle! And I'm pretty sure, that's just how a cat's brain works sometimes...hehe.

here's one from waaaaay back; I think Trina posted it orginally. Kassie fits this one to a tee...she loves to *help* when I wrap a present...LOL!


Gift wrapping hints for cat owners:

Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.

Open door and remove cat from closet.

Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc ...

Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.

Remove present from bag.

Remove cat from bag.

Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.

Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.

Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.

Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.

Place present on paper.

Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.

Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.

Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.

Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.

Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.

Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.

Put present in box, and tie down with string.

Remove sting, open box and remove cat.

Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.

Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.

Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.

Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside door)

Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)

Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.

Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.

Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.

Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.

Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.

Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

Go to store and buy a gift bag.

__________________
~~~~
Shelley
~~~~

Visit Kassie's Korner



Life deserves a treat now and again, but life also deserves being healthy[with required disipline] to make it worth living!

that's a good one, shell!

__________________


Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?