Thread: Wonderful World of Cushie

Actually my birthday was August 26. We just celebrated late.


And celebrate we did. I really threw my rules out the window. Suffice it to say I was extremely sleepy yesterday afternoon and really felt like poo. And that cookie I'd been eyeing well it made me sick. Last night I didn't feel like eating anything I was so blah. But that was probably a good thing. I also didn't get in half as much water as I usually do when I'm at work so it was an all around bad day. So when I came home I did manage to drink about a half gallon before bed.

But today is a new day and I have learned that the old eating habits are what made me feel poopy to begin with and there's no sense in obsessing over it, just to better today and tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that.

I did weigh myself today. I'm down another 2.5 from last weekend, putting me at 376.5. Which is insentive enough to keep on track. Today is going to be a ebautiful day so I am looking forward to getting out to the park. Maybe I'll even drive to Wash Park and walk around the lake for a change. Seems odd to drive to the park when I have so many near me but it's so beautiful there. Whatever I do, DS needs to nap first or he'll be a nightmare.

Hey, Noel! I'm gald you joined the Halloween challenge with me! I love having my buddies with me in the challenges. I was reading about your celebration yesterday. Hey, we all have done that: gone off plan during a birthday or wedding party. They key is to do what you did: get back on track ASAP.

I finally got Java installed on my computer, so I can see pictures and chat now! So happy! Anyway, I was checking out all the photo albums last night and saw you and your son....how sweet is that boy!? If I were you, I'd have alot of trouble telling that cute little boy "No" to anything!

Don't let your ex affect your weight loss and getting healthier. You know his true self, and I suspect after you lose some more weight, he will be around more, maybe trying to "sweet talk" you. (I know how some of these guys work.) Only YOU can make these decisions, but I'll tell you the same thing I told my sister when she had that gastric bypass and lost weight: if they wouldn't date you when you were big, they don't need to date you now. If you weren't good enough for them then, they aren't good enough for you now. Keep your focus on you and your son. Just my 2 or 3 cents, my friend.

I hit 376 today. I still can't believe I gained all this weight after I had the baby. I could have had a much lower starting point. Oh well, nothing I can do about the past, just look ahead to the future.


I've gotten lazy in the last few days. I haven't gone for a walk since Saturday. Thinking back it seems like so long ago. And if I don't get my butt in gear I won't make my walking three times a week.

The eating has been going really good though. I am not hungry like I use to be so sticking to the WOE is a lot easier than any other I have tried. I sure hope the losses continue.

Of course if I don't get out and exercise ...

I've just got to recommit to the walking. I can't go two days in a row without or then it becomes three and then four and then I just sit in front of the TV doing nothing every night.

Got to motivate. I CAN do this! :jumpgreen

And looking at this guy reminds me I need to get back into drinking more at work and not waiting until the evening adn trying to get 80 oz in.

I've lost my motivation.


I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP!

That bad day last week must have done more damage than I thought. I ate candy last night, chocolate, and now I am kicking myself all over today. First I thought maybe TOM was coming, I had cramps, but now I know that wasn't it.

I'm having a very hard time motivating to do anything. Today I'm going back to formula. Cutting carbs out to go back through a couple days of, phase one or induction or whatever you call it for whatever programs you are on. I need to clean out the bad stuff again so I don't have the cravings. I was doing so well.

I really thought I'd easily stick to this plan. I guess nothing is that easy in life, in my life at least.

The worst part is I have been losing weight each week. I think I'm sabatoging myself. Maybe it's too early to say that. But let me do a little psychology on me. If I don't stick to my diet then I won't lose weight, right? What's the use of sticking to it if I'm not losing weight. So it would become and endless circle of failure.

I know what I have to do. It's just sticking to it that is getting me. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. After eating the chocolate I did look in the freezer and saw the white bread (22 carbs per slice) that I have for the baby's grilled cheese. If I really wanted to top everything off I could have made myself a big old grilled cheese sandwich. But I knew that all wasn't lost because of the chocolate. So I refrained from going on a true binge.

You see, I'm working though it as I am writing.

Fatty, fatty, two by four...that was stuck in my head today. Another self-loathing thing I guess.

I need to not beat myself up but learn what triggers the cheats and control that as best as I can. I was so positive in ealrier posts. I will read them and keep reminding myself of the reason for this WOE. Good health. (And of course riding the rides at Six Flags in the future with my son!)

An epiphany: You know what I also just realized as I was about to click submit? Yesterday was the dreaded ex's birthday so he was on my mind more than usual. Bad man. I can't let him get to me.

Noel, I've ridden that rollercoaster, too....until I joined this site while studying one of Dr.Phil's books: The Ultimate Weight Solution...7Keys to Weight Loss Freedom. The book my group is studying NOW is called: Self Matters. We all agree that we should've done that book first, before we started studying the weight loss book.

I know everyone is not a fan of Dr.Phil, but I also know this: he tells it like it is and pulls no punches. Most of Dr.Phil's books can be purchased on E-bay, and certainly on Amazon.com. There is a HalfPrice Books store here, and I like to buy books from them. Or you could check one out of the library.

No matter how you do it, I strongly urge you to get either Self Matters, and/or The Ultimate Weight Solution. Dr.Phil knows that some of us have genetic or metabolic issues, but he is mostly concerned with what's "eating us" rather than what we're eating. Bottom line: When you believe you're worth the effort, you will take the time and energy it takes to get healthy.

I'm not 100% perfect by any means, but I did learn alot from reading The Ultimate Weight Solution, and watching the Dr.Phil Weight Loss Challenge shows that were on every Monday last season.

Whatever you do, don't give up. You did not gain that weight overnight, and you will not lose it overnight, either. That's why this way of eating has to become a way of LIVING! So, we can lose the excess weight and maintain it for the rest of our lives. Just keep talking (and typing) it out!

Noel,

I know if feels lousy - going from feeling so gung-ho and invincible, to falling flat on the floor. I've pulled myself up off the floor so many times I've lost count. Here's what I do: 1) reflect on exactly what happened to trip me up (it sounds like you have some good insights there), 2) remember exactly why I am doing this in the first place, 3) kindly and lovingly, but firmly, I tell myself that it's time to start over again. It's basic, but if you can learn from the fall, and quiet the self-loathing voices, you can help guide yourself around it next time.

I have a theory that if we don't give up on ourselves, if we keep starting over, that eventually that part of our minds that undermines us will pipe down. By proving that we love ourselves and that we deserve to be healthy and fit, the demons will learn that their work is futile.

The only way you can fail is to stop getting up when you fall. I would suggest stashing the scale for now (that is my BIGGEST downfall). This cannot be a diet, this has to be your new, lifelong, way of eating - scale be damned!

Celebrate each day you get through cleanly (I'm on day 6 this time...), reflect on what got you through it, and try for a repeat the next day. If you can't yet love your body, at least learn to respect it (after all, look at that beautiful baby boy that YOUR body carried and nurtured!!!). I've seen your pictures and you are BEAUTIFUL, darlin'.

We are ALWAYS here for you! (((hugs)))

Thanks to everyone for the support. That's what I love about this site.


I'm not really a Dr. Phil watcher but I have nothing against him and I'm sure he's helping people so I'll go to the library to get those books. Of course tonight the library I like is closed but I think I'll go downtown this weekend. That way I can take the train in and get some walking done as well. Maybe I'll swing by the Art Museum, Saturdays are free so it's a nice time to take a stroll through.

I did great yesterday and have resigned myself not to fret about weight this week. I probably won't lose, but if I could stay the same I'll be happy.

I took DS for a walk as soon as I picked him up from daycare yesterday. It was nice to see new scenery and I got to a different park. I had planned on going a little bit farther but couldn't make it, but at least I got out there. I am going to start saving this week for a treadmill. I used to love the treadmill at the gym. I could walk for 45 minutes. Of course I had to work up to that. There are some great used sports equipment places here. And I'm sure I could find a good one. It'll take me a while to save but right now it's so gorgeous out I don't need it. I am thinking ahead to the winter. (Though really in Denver it can be 40 in December one day and 70 the next.)

I still haven't gotten the tape measure. As soon as I do I'll write down my measrements here so I can keep track of them. I know that'll be a better way for me to keep tabs on things. I just hate shopping, for anything.

Today I am all alone at work for most of the day. And there's not much to do. Boring. I guess I'll catch up on my reading.

Today I am wearing a shirt that I haven't worn comfortably in quite some time. In fact the last time I wore it I had to sew the buttons shut after I put it on it was pulling so tightly. Today I haven't had to rebutton it at all. Now the skirt on the other hand is one I look at myself and think, gosh your huge. Not a good combination. It fits fine, I just don't like it that much. I wore it because I wanted to be comfortable while doing a lot of walking and filing today.


I am especially motivated now to get a tape measure when I go to Target. The scale has been the same lately. Well, that's not true, after my two extremely high carb cheats it jumped up four pounds. But now it's back to were it was. Now I just have to stay the course and see how long it takes to lose a little more. I'm not anxious today like I thought I would be. I just know what I need to stay away from now and not having the loss for the week seems like punishment enough. No more kicking myself, I've moved past it.

Today is payday. :jumpgreen WOO-HOO! Now if you're living paycheck to paycheck like I am you know how I feel. I am headed out to Costco this weekend. They have some really great Terriaki chicken in bulk that I love but it's too high in carbs. Seven grams a piece and I like to eat two. But they do also have Mesquite chicken with only 1 gram so that's much better. They're precooked so very easy for a fast meal or to take to the office.

My life seems so boring reading about it. But I am glad. It was far too hectic and out of control a couple years ago. I have begun dreaming about the "bad" friends I use to have. I am put in the worst situations. I hate the dreams because I wake up thinking they happened. It's scary for just a moment then I realize everything is OK.

I use to live with a guy (platoniclly) that told me that I was the reason he was getting fat. I was cooking so much and I made so much food that of course he felt like he HAD to eat it all. Now this rationale went on even after I was pregnant and stopped my out of control eating and he was the only one doing it. (I lost my appetite the first few months and actually lost weight because I was eating healthy for the first time in a long time.) Sometimes I still think of him. I can't believe he blamed his obesity on me! Argh. He's the one person I would like to run into after having lost a few pounds. I wouldn't even have to be skinny just slightly less, enough for him to tell, so I could say, see I changed my eating habits on my own, why couldn't you? Who knows maybe it'll happen, maybe not. I don't really want to talk to him otherwise so I actually am not going to go out of my way to try to see him.

Well, I'm off like a herd of turtles. Still nothing to do at the office. I just finish too quickly.

Ugh, not enough fiber in the last few days. Salad only doesn't cut it. I was trying go very low carb to get rid of the cravings, which I did but the side effect is binding. (Ask Gramma what binding is if you don't know.) Anyhow today I went back on full veggies, so I should be much better soon.


Today was a productive day. I got a lot of running around done and had enough energy when I got home to do some laundry and clean up the study. It needed it, it has been a mess since mom left. There's a bed in here that started collecting things. Normally I get about half done of what I did. This WOE has really upped my energy. I played with the baby for a long time too. I did my baby curls that he loves and I think they are working out my arm muscles. It feels that way anyhow, like I've worked out with a 22lb barbell.

Well, I'm too sleepy to finish my thoughts. Looks like it's going to be a very early night. I earned it.

Noel-I've not had too many problems w/"binding" since I've had some digestive problems which usually make everything "go south" in a very short amount of time. I've gotten THAT taken care of by eating clean (no sugar alcohols, either) and taking digestive supplements. I know that sometimes I don't eat enough fiber, either, so I add powder Metamucil type physillium (sp) fiber to some of my foods. Like that baked apple/walnut crisp, which is crunchy, so you don't notice the slight grittiness of the fiber. My favorite way to get extra fiber is in lowcarb protein shakes. (I don't want my system to get dependent on any of this, so I don't do it regularly....no pun intended!)

I'm also lactose intolerant. Milk to me is like Kryptonite to Superman. I do okay with cheeses and yogurts, which have more enzymes in them. I also take a lactase supplement when I have dairy. Lactase breaks down milk sugar, which is lactose.

Anyway, I use Silk Unsweetened Organic Soymilk, which I LOVE! I wouldn't go back to regular milk if I could. I could drink the whole carton straight! I use Carb Solutions Chocolate powder and some powdered unsweetened cocoa when I remember it.

Put your milk (Carb Countdown is an option) in the blender and get it going. This keeps the protein powder from clumping up. I use 2 cups soymilk. That means 4 scoops of the powder. And a teaspoon of the cocoa for extra chocolate taste. And a Splenda pack to counteract the cocoa's slight bitterness. When that's mixed pretty good, I add 2 teaspoons of the fiber powder to the mix. That's one teaspoon for each cup of milk. Then I add ten ice cubes and mix it all on high. The fiber adds bulk and thickness to the shake, and since it's slightly slushy from the ice, you probably won't notice the fiber. It ends up being 5 cups, from originally 2 cups of milk! I usually drink half of it and leave the rest in the fridge for the next day. I've also been known to freeze it and eat it like ice cream. (Although the texture is not the same!)

I hope this helps. I've only had your problem maybe 3 times in my life (that I can remember) and it was very unpleasant.

It looks like you got alot accomplished today. And quite a workout w/Cutie, too! Take care and keep us posted.

Then, let's just say, the process of elimination is "enhanced" the following day. Nothing urgent or unpleasant, just thorough.

Thanks for the advice Maxi. That sounds delish! I will have to try and find the powder at my grocers. They just started carrying Carb Solutions items.


I was going to go to Vitamin Cottage yesterday but didn't make it. I was looking for flax meal, which I didn't find at the grocers. I miss my cereal in the mornings and wanted to try it. Of course they are closed today. I work literally right behind one so I'll have to go tomorrow.

I read on another post of someone's that Krogers was now carrying liquid stevia. That's great, now maybe I can buy it easily (we have kings soopers which is anoter krogers store). I don't have a credit card but have a debit one that I sometimes put cash on for internet purchases but I don't use it often. Though I did budget some money for book purchases including Sharron's cookbook and the Atkins book. I had to take my copy back to the library.

I just found a swimsuit I let my mohter borrow last year. It's a size 18. But I bought it when I was a size 24/26, somewhere around there. I was in Vail without a suit and went to a sports store and found this, which was really tight but worked (OK I didn't know at the time there was a Walmart down the road.) My goal is to get back into this suit by next summer. It was really expensive and gorgeous. I use to wear it like a workout outfit sometimes. Anyhow I want to be out of the suit I wore this year and into that one by sometime next summer. I won't be an 18 but if even I was a 22 it would work. I won't say it will happen by the end of May when the pool opens but maybe by August for DS birthday pool party. That'll be alomst one year exactly from when I started.

Is 90 pounds in a year too much? It just may be. I am sure I'll hit some stalls along the way. I didn't lose as much as I thought I would this first month but you know I haven't been hungry like on every other diet I have ever been on. And I am not depriving myself of good food, which is more important. I mean bacon on a diet? Wow. Who'd have thunk it! I mean I don't eat it every day (though I've thought about it) but it's nice to have.

I am excited to start making different desserts for Thanksgiving. I was thinking about that today. Wherever we go for the holiday I want to bring some LC things. Of course I won't tell anyone they are and see the reaction. I wasn't going to say anthing to the family anyhow except my mom but I think she has been telling people I'm on a new diet. I just wanted to let the results speak for themselves.

Well, today I "officially" weighed myself. Down just a pound this week. But yuo know I am thrilled. After the chocolate and Chinese and pie and cookie last week any loss is a good one. Especially after the four pounds of bloat crept up on me. The cravings are gone time to get on with this week.

Hey, girl! Sounds like you got your eyes on the prize. I think it's entirely possible to lose 90 pounds in a year....with alot of focus and dedication to this WOE, including enough water to fill a swimming pool and lots of exercise. Post that question in the 100 forum and see what they say.

I spent 3 hours in the kitchen today, preparing for the week ahead. I made breakfast on l/c tortillas for work. I made shrimp dip to eat with celery so I can get some more veggies in, I made s/f Jello and put some cut up pears in it, AND I made this l/c cheesecake. There are hundreds of variations of this, but I thought any of them may be a good one to take to Thanksgiving. Especially since you will be very noticably thinner then and everyone will be wondering what you're doing, bringing a CHEESECAKE to dinner....isn't Noel on a diet?

I use 1 brick of cream cheese, you could use 2 for a fuller pie. I use Splenda to sweeten it, but you could use Stevia. I put in about 1-2 tablespoons of lemon juice and a few drops of soymilk and blend it all until smooth. For crust, today I used 1/2 cup almond flour, chopped walnuts, butter, and a dash each of Splenda, salt, and cinnamon. I pressed that into a pie plate, dumped the cream cheese mixture onto the crust, and spooned on cut up fruit: apple, peach, pear, and strawberries. I can hardly wait to eat it....but it's so pretty, I hate to cut into it! LOL!

I think using some whipping cream to make "whipped topping" to add to it would be good. They'll love it and have a hard time believing it's lowcarb.

Cushie, I gotta run....I gotta post stats for the Halloween challenge today. Later!

I keep starting a post and then getting distracted so it's been a few days.

I've been doing good and bad. Good in the eating, bad in the activity. Since my couple days of re-induction last week I have been doing much better. Cravings are under control. Which is great since halloween candy is everywhere. It's funny because I feel like I'm eating so much. Which I'm not but for some reason I feel that way. Maybe because when you say "diet" you are usually starving all the time. Of course even with this not being a traditional diet but a WOL I still tend to think of it that way sometimes. I haven't been walking like I should. The last couple nights have been chilly. I hate the cold. Which is funny because I grew up in ND 35 miles south of Canada and was quite use to it at one time. Though before I had the baby I had to walk all winter long for groceries. Boy, have I got soft. Of course this year I'm not taking DS out for long periods of time when it's very cold, but we can always walk at one of the many malls. I vowed to get the exercise video out but I still haven't. I have been doing my crunches every night. I just increased from 40 to 45. Not a big deal for some but very big to me. I got out this weekend but that was it. Tonight it suppose to be warmer so I have no excuse.

I was wearing some jeans Tuesday that made me think, "gee I can really see a difference" and when I got to work the nosey lady said "I can really tell you've lost". That made me feel really good. Not only could I tell but so could she. I usually wear such shapeless things.

I was trying to stay off the scale until Sinday but today failed. ILike I said I felt like I was eating a lot and wanted to check to see if I was getting too many carbs. So I got it out and I weighed 372.5. So down 2.5 already this week. I think eating right and a good amount is what my body needs so it doesn't think it's starving. I've been keeping around 30-40 carbs a day. I'm not going to claim it until Sunday when I weigh again just to be sure.

I think I will make that cheescake for Thanksgiving. It sounds yummy. I haven't made it to vitamin cottage yet but will to get some almond flour. I'll probably bring a big salad also with lots of yummies so I don't have to worry about the sides (ie. yams, potatoes, gravy, biscuits).

My energy is still way up there. I put away and cleaned my room last ngiht and organized baby stuff. Things that should have been done months ago. I love feeling this way!

I think I may be in the middle of a WHOOSH this week. I keep losing at an astounding rate. Yesterday I was 372.5 and today it hovered around 371, this is down from 375 on Sunday. (I was going to stay off the scale but this is just too exciting.) I always measure at the same time every morning when I get up. I'm still not claiming it until Sunday. My energy has still been great. I'm keeping my water way up. Maybe all this is contributing to me me losing a little extra this week. Which is really good because TOM is just around the corner and I don't even want to look at the scale then.

Raeann (nosey work lady) said yesterday she thought my face was thinner. You know it's funny becaue I try not to judge people on their appearance or weight I don't usually notice when someone gains or loses weight unless it's drastic.

I am almost at the 20 lb loss mark. Last week I thought it would be a while so I trimmed my own toenails. Now I can't go to the pedicurist with my nails already cut. I want her to do them right. So I am trying to think of a new reward for myself at this 20 lb mark. I could wait and get a pedi and a manicure at the same time the next time. That should be around Christmas or New Years so my mom would be in town to watch the baby. Otherwise I would have to take him with which could be a problem. I guess we'll see. I could splurge on a sitter so I could have a night out to a movie. That might be nice.

I've been thinking about my box of too small clothes today. I am leaving them where they are until I reach 350. Even though I know some would fit but with effort. I want them to fit well. Then at 335-340 I should be able to fit into a couple of really nice piars of pants I bought when I was pg before I found out when I had actually lost 10 pounds because of not being hungry. Those are what I am really looking for ward too. They are 28 talls and are the only pants I have ever bought that are just slightly too long. Everything is always too short. You know maybe I'll try those on at 350 also. Really they should fit then. Wouldn't it be nice to wear them to Thanksgiving Dinner! Realisticly I should be thinking more like Christmas even though I said I wanted to lose 40lbs by Thanksgiving. I'll keep trying my best.