cushie..
what a terrific idea to make individual sized packages for yourself!
i was looking for cheese today .. and they had individual 1 oz snack sized pkgs...*L*.. it always amazes me when i see something that i would have 'EYEBALLed" at a MUCH bigger size..
on the hood milk.. i had bought chocolate quite a while back.*L* what was I thinking? i dont even LIKE chocolate milk1 *L*... i more recently bought the white kind... and while i dont like it as well as cream in my coffee... i figured it was okay.. sure doesnt have the FLAVOR of cream .. nor the LOOK of cream in my coffee...

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kims SECOND journal is HERE
kims new blog
KIMS BLOG !!
SUGARFREE BLOG

For those of you who suffer through depression, you know what I mean when I say, it really never goes away. I have been so very happy these past months. Things have been good. I may not have the multitude of friends I once did but they were not the friends that I needed anyhow. So just when I think I have licked it, it comes creeping back in.


How many of you are the crazy ones in your family? Me too. I have had a bad day at work. It was good until a woman freaked out and swore at me on the phone. That upset me but didn't start my spiral. What then happened is I wanted to talk to someone. I tried my friends but no one was answering so I tried my sister. Just to talk about Thanksgiving. Well, that was a mistake. Apparently I am the big problem when it comes to Thankgiving becuae I no longer like a crowd of strangers. When I was 15 OK not at 34 NO. I feel that Thankgiving is a time for family. It has always been my favorite holiday. Anyhow apperently my sister is torn between inviting me and doing what she really wants and inviting my aunt and all the "strays" as she calls them. I told her to do what she wants. Then we got in an argument over what she said. I take everything far too much to heart. And far too literally. She was talking about our aunt and says that's just the way our family is, and I said no that is the way she is. And she said well Kim is part of our family. I said well yes but you are generalizing that everyone is like her, I'm not like her, mom is not like her. Boy am I a pain. Anyhow now I feel bad becuase yes I do think that they are choosing these people that are not a part of the family over me. I am just asking for one day out of 365 to be a family day. Otherwise I have been to Kim's house and dealt with the people and my uncomfortability. I just wanted Thanksgiving to be nice. Oh well, see it doesn't pay to be the crazy one. When my sister got married and I had to be around a lot of people including my estranged father I took Xanax, but I can't do that now. I wouldn't want to be on anything taking care of the baby. I'm not so crazy I can't be a good mom but I do suffer through depression sometimes. And I don't like a lot of people I don't know. I think that is less crazy and more insecurity. Of course it doesn't help that I have carried my aunt calling me her "TWO TON NIECE" to a friend when she thought I was asleep. Can you believe she said that!!! Can you believe she said that 18 years ago and I still think about it!!!!!

I'm starting to feel better already. Not about Thanksgiving. I have other invitations I can accept. But I am feeling better about speaking my mind. And I am glad I vented before picking up the baby. Now I can go enjoy him.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

Hi Noel,

First off, congrats on hitting a new decade! You are doing so well!

Secondly, I understand the whole depression thing. I've suffered with it for years - since my teens, maybe earlier. I've tried medications off and on, but really don't like the side effects. So... that leaves me to struggle along as best I can. I'm really sorry to read about your Thanksgiving plans not working out as you'd hoped. It's too bad they are not sensitive to how you feel, but people who don't deal with depression often have no clue. I guess I'm lucky (if you can call it that...) that there are people crazier than me in my family - they usually think of me as the normal one!

I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and standing up for your needs. Like they say... there is the family your born with, and there is the family you choose. Sometimes - in order to really enjoy yourself and preserve your sanity - you have to go with the latter.

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Staci

Hey, Noel! Just a quick chime in here....I was nodding my head as you were talking about Family/Thanksgiving/strays. We started doing Christmas only at my Aunt's when she got older, and Thankksgiving at my cousin's (her daughter). Never once did they fail to have some stray over there. Some guy from work with no family, a friend of their daughter's who's family had gone skiing, one of their son's college buddies, her best friend and her husband, both of whom I can't stand, etc. ALWAYS someone who had to be the center of attention, so we always had a "Guest". Not exactly an intimate FAMILY atmosphere. AAAARRRGH! Then, there is no real family conversation, because like you said, you are uncomfortable around these strays.

One year, when my Aunt had bypass surgery and was still in the hospital on Thanksgiving, we just cancelled the holiday and everyone either went to the hospital to stay with her or went their sepaerate ways. Me and 2 friends of mine from the store I worked at bought steaks and sides and grilled out (we are in Texas, ya know!) for Thanksgiving. BECAUSE WE DID NOT WANT TO HORN IN ON OTHER PEOPLE'S FAMILY HOLIDAY DINNERS JUST BECAUSE WE HAD NOWHERE ELSE TO GO THAT YEAR. Like all the little misfit toys on the island together.

I sooooo understand! Keep your chin up, you beautiful woman. You're on your way to greatness, I know. And shame on your aunt for saying that about you. She'll be eating those words soon.

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My third post today.

I am doing much better after coming home and playing with the baby. I am going to call my sister and tell her to do what she wants. I will be spending time with the most important part of my family either way. I have been invited to a home of a friend that lives here and has no other family other than her husband. Who just happens to be someone I grew up with as a preteen. So they feel like family. So if I am not comfortable with all the people then I won't subject myself to them.

And if my mom is here then I'll go get her for a late dinner or spend the next day with her. Thanksgiving isn't the only time I can see the family.

Thanks for your support, Maxi & Staci. I feel like I'm writing a novel here. This journal really helps me out.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

Well, I have figured out Thanksgiving. I called my sister and told her not to worry about me that whatever happens I do have someplace to go. I said that Thanksgiving for me wasn't going to be what it use to anyhow because this year I am not going to pig out on all those high carb foods. I was telling her I hoped to be down 40 pounds by Thanksgiving, that was my goal but if not at least 30. She said that's a lot to hope for (about the 30). And I said "I've already lost 22 pounds!" Well, she was quite impressed and wants me to tell her about LC when I see her this weekend. So things are looking up.

You know that "two ton niece" comment really made me start to think. How many times have I heard people talking about me thinking I couldn't hear or not caring if I did. Why is my weight problem their concern! Once I went dancing adn a guy was making fun of me behind my back. The girl I was dancing with saw and reamed him out. (I think I've told that one before.) When I was in high school I came into band class late one day and when I sat down the whole back row jumped like they were jolted from the seizmic activity caused by my sitting. And the teacher said nothing. Being fat really is the last thing is this world that it is acceptable to poke fun. These idiots with their small minds think that belittling me is ok. I mean OK if I see someone that I think doesn't look quite right I may think. Oh dear, don't wear that. But I would never say anything. It's their right to wear what they want. But God forbid I should try and go out in public. And I carry myself rather well for someone of my extreme size. New friends are amazed at how much energy I really have. I use to go dumpster diving with a roommate. He couldn't believe I could keep up with him. Of course I could be in much better shape but I can walk a distance and up a flight of steps. Admittedly now better than two months ago.

Anyhow, I know we aren't suppose to be losong weight to spite other people, but I really relish the thought of going back to a class reunion and having people not recognize me. OK that would never happen being the only black person at one school and one of two at the other. But I want jaws to drop. the funny thing is that I was so large at graduation that I wouldn't even have to be "average" to have that happen. I weighed over 300 then so I would only have to get to 200 to cause a stir. But how great would it be to show up in a size 12. I've got four years. Plenty of time to take it slow and easy.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

Hey... I thought I would stop in on your journal and say hi and thanks for logging into mine! I totally know what you mean about people... they are so rude! I actually had someone say something when I went on a roadtrip with a few friends.... we went up to canada for the weekend and we were at this bar. I ran across the street to an ATM, and these three guys(who were all significantly overweight) actually had the audacity to call ME fat... they said something about how fat girls shouldn't be allowed in the bar. But what's ironic is I probably weighed 150 less than the one guy and he was my height. And the others weren't Abercrombie model looking either! Apparently people are only interested in judging others and not themselves. That's one thing that really bothers me about society.... they think the ideal woman is anorexic looking, but it's okay for a man to be "beefy". Definately not right!

Congrats on the 22 pound loss! You are doing so good! ANd congrats on getting your sister interested. Was she an LC nay-sayer before you lost weight on it?

I'm with you on the Thanksgiving thing.... I'm avoiding the bread, the potatoes, stuffing and the desserts. So that pretty much leaves me with turkey and corn, but I'm thinking I"ll make some individual things of LC sides for myself. I'll just have to plan it out. Atleast it's at my parent's house, so I have the option to do all of this. I'd be scared if I had to go to Steven's house for dinner. We are just going over for dessert there..... so I'll just duck out on pie and have some decaf coffee with splenda, maybe some yogurt.

Well I just wanted to stop in and wish you the best on your goal and thank you for stopping to chat. Have a great day, and feel free to stop in on my journal anytime!

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Megan Rose
"The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed?"
259(HW)/233.6(Restart)/224.0(CW)/205(GW1)/175(GW2)/150(FGW)

NEXT GOAL WEIGHT

Today is a good day. I am all alone at work and have finished everything and now I have time for my thoughts.


I finally measured my waist. Just my waist so far. It's 51". I know at one point I had grown to about a 54" waist, so with this I am pleased. I would of course be more pleased if it was a lot smaller but hey, I'm working on it. Later I'll measure everything.

I have been psyching myself up to do the exercise tape. I know the only way I'll get results I want is to work for them. And though my results are good now doing more would of course produce greater results. I was just figuring out my finances and with the extra hours I am putting in I think I will be able to go get my treadmill. I need to start shopping around for one so I know what I am doing when I buy one. Of course then I'll have to arrange to bring it home when one of the landscapers is there. I don't think I could (or should) be carrying it up the stairs by myself. Of course whats to keep me from not using the treadmill after I have spent the money on it? I have been telling myself that I'll do it while I watch TV but what if I don't. Well, I guess that's up to me. I know the last time I got serious about losing weight the treadmill and weights were all I could stand after a while, but I did start out with the tape. That same tape that is now sitting on top of the TV.
Maybe the treadmill should be a reward to myself after successfully completing a month with the tape four times a week. HMMMMM. That may be a better idea.

The baby has begun to say Mama. He's a little late with everything but he was a little early coming so I am not worried about it. I just love it when he says it. This morning he was saying something like bye-bye, but it sounded more like die-die. He thinks we (daycare lady and I) are silly when we wave bye-bye. It's been months and he still looks at us like we are crazy and then bursts into laughter. He's SO sweet.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...
saying mama.. isnt that the BEST??!!??
AND as for being a little late with everything... MY thoughts on this (words i have spoken to my children when THEY had children: NOBODY but NOBODY cares when they are grown.... whoa! i was walking at (fill in the blank) !!
i was potty trained at (fill in the blank..) no WONDER why i didnt get my degree in rocket science..*L*
your baby will do it all in his good time.. if he was SEVERELY having problems .. then see a doc.. if not.. ENJOY each moment that your child learns new things..
my daughter #1 used to WHINE that she wanted her last baby to talk .. walk... ect.. i used to tell her.. YOU WILL REALLY really miss the sweetness of when they didnt do these things... (she does now.. jabberboxing terrible two year old runnin her ragged..*L*)
NOW she worrys that he isnt POTTY trained yet.. *AGGGGGGGHHH if it aint one thing its another with her..*L*) i told her.. ya know.. it aint pretty when they are potty trained and asking you to take em to GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO every time you are in the car or shopping ect.. is EASY changing a babys diaper compared to THAT..*L*
enjoy the moment.. DONT try to COMPARE your baby with others.. and if OTHERS want to do that.. smile sweetly because YOU know what THEY dont..YOUR BABY IS THE BEST MOST WONDERFUL BABY IN THE WORLD..*grin*.. because.. isnt THAT the truth? :-)

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kims SECOND journal is HERE
kims new blog
KIMS BLOG !!
SUGARFREE BLOG

That is the BEST feeling--mine talked very early--but she was late! LOL She did most things early, also meant that she started talking back early!. . .My sister taught her oldest daughter to say DADA first--then she whacked him a good one the first time she hollered it at 3 am!

Let him be a baby. . .keep him little as long as you can. . .they soon enough are doing verything without our help that we have to enjoy the few really special moments while they are happening!

The treadmill is a wonderful object and you will get used to using it, I loved to go to the gym becasue I could watch TV and after one show, I had put in my 30 minutes! I don't know if I would want one in my living room or not, but whatever it takes to keep you exercising is waht it takes doing. . .I pay for DD to go to swimming lessons 3X a week so I have a reason to be at the pool three times a week. . .which means I have not excuse not to swim while I am there!

Just make sure when you are looking for a treadmill you get one weight approved for your weight plus about 30-50lbs. That assures that you can use it easily and without hte mat slipping--I had the problem with about half of them at the gym--I was right at the weight approved to be on thema nd the mat kept catching and sliding with every step if I walked faster than 3-3.5 mph. Made a good workout impossible when I could not get my heart rate up. . .just a suggestion--take it or leave it!

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Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

:jumpgreen I finally put the exercise tape into the VCR last night. I use to do that tape all the time. But that was eight years ago. I remember it was what I used to build my stamina up to go to the gym before I had even joined. Well last night if anyone was watching me they'd have thought I had never done aerobics in my life. I started out OK, but adding the arm movements with the grapevine step proved to be too much for me. But I kept on trying and got through three parts of the tape. I believe there are seven or eight. It was only 12 minutes but my legs felt like jelly and I was sweating like a horse. I did the warm up, the 1st aerobic section and stretching. I think then there is toning , 2nd aerobic, strength and cool down, though there may be a 3rd aerobic part in there. It's 45 minutes total. She does some modified stretching and moves which is good because I can't get down like I use to. I figure I'll work my way up. The only downer is I wait until baby is asleep so it pumps me up a little too much before I go to bed and I just can't get up earlier to do it in the morning. I am definitely not a morning person. So I will try and do it a little earlier when baby first goes to bed then I'll have an hour to relax afterwards before bed.

I was thinking about my waist measurement. I really wish I had found my tape measure and measured before I had started. Becasue I was doing different things and realized my butt wasn't as big. I think my waist may have been bigger than 54" when I started with that extra pouch on top of my belly. And my butt was probably off the charts, meaning I couldn't have measured it with my 60" tape anyhow. I'm sure it still is. Oh well I guess it's not that important. But I feel like my belly has shrunk so much. Now when I stand at the copy machine I can see the numbers rather than back up into the table to see them. I am looking forward to many new things with every pound lost.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

Noel,
Congrats to you on doing the tape! :great: You are doing REALLY well. I know what you mean about not being a morning person ('cause I'm not either), but somehow I've been managing to get up before 2 yr old DD and get my exercise in. It can be done! I would be too wound up if I exercised after putting DD down. But, if doing it at night after little one goes to bed works better, then go for it! Just find something that works for you, and stick with it.

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Debby

You will get used to relaxing not long after exercise too. . .it does take a bit of time, but your body will adapt! I now come down rather quickly--I was swimming at around 9 for a while this summer. After a week or so I could go tob ed by 10:30 and sleep. SO if it works best for you--keep at it!

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Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

I did the exercise tape again tonight. There must be a lot more sections than I remember. Each one isn't very long. Tonight I did it while the baby was still awake he thought I was crazy I think, he laid on the floor kicking his legs while I hopped around. I made it through the warm-up, 1st aerobics, toning, 2nd aerobics and toning. A little over 18 minutes. I did much better tonight following along with the movements. I may stay at this level for a while or go up as I feel. Tonight my legs just did better than last night.

Huskerfan I know what you mean about weight limits on the treadmills. I don't know if I'll be able to afford one that can handle my weight right now. I may stick to aerobics for a while. They go by fast and I do raise my heartrate and sweat a lot so I feel like I am working. And I can take my time doing more and more.

I am tired now. I sat and unwound for a while after putting DS down and now I'll read and write a little and go to bed early.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

Good job--did youy realize that after about 15 repetitions--that means after 15 days of doing the tape at the same or close to the same time--you will have the routine set for success every time you go to put it in in the evening? It takes 50 total repetitions to learn a move "perfectly" but only 15 to begin to form the habit!

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Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130