Thanks Debby - you're a sweetheart.

Geez, I watched a lot of TV tonight. Flashbacks to my young and single life. Friends finale was OK - nothing unexpected. ER made me an emotional mess. When the baby died I cried my eyes out. Haven't seen ER in ages - don't know if Carter was the real dad or if he hooked up w/ that girl after she was pregnant.

DH has been at a luxury resort in Phoenix this week for a manager's retreat - tough job. Really, though, he works very hard. Feeling lonely.......

Been eating on plan, but feeling really fat and bloated for some reason. Didn't eat dinner tonight because still not feeling well. Haven't exercised all week.

We have a new little nephew born this week (DH's sister). DH and family are not happy - this was an unplanned baby in a very unhappy marriage. His sister had moved out and was living in a hotel when she discovered she was pregnant. Sad story. She's made a lot of bad choices in her life. Her values are pretty messed up.

Gonna try and get in a walk/jog tomorrow am before Playgroup.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Today was a good day. DH is home now!!

Ate entirely on plan, except one itty bitty piece of waffle fry from Chick Fil A. Sue me. Got in all my water and stayed under 20 net carbs. And got in 40 minutes of cardio this morning in the oppressive heat. It was only in the 70's when I was out, but it felt like the 90's. I'm ready for fall.

Had Playgroup at a park, and DS finally learned what the ice cream man is. I've been telling him as the trucks drive down our street that if they're playing that song, it means they're out of ice cream. He bought that up until today, when all his little friends chased the truck down and got ice cream - before lunch! Oh well.

I would love to get to bed early tonight...

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Well, I've got Lifetime Maintenance down pat, no problem. Now, if I can only figure out this OWL thing.....

Just had a pretty good weekend. My carb levels were up a bit, in the 30's, but no cheating. I had 1/2 a baked sweet potato Saturday night which was yummy, but about 12 carbs.

Sunday, Mother's Day, I had 2 glasses of champagne at around 3g each I think, plus a piece of lc bread at dinner.

As a result, no weight loss of course.

Mother's Day was great - I love being a mommy. DS kept hugging me and telling me Happy Mother's Day! He didn't know what it meant, only it got him a great big hug and kiss in return. So he kept it up. DH made me a wonderful lc lunch - a poached chicken salad w/ walnuts and raspberry vinaigrette dressing. We ate on the patio while ds was napping, and enjoyed our newly planted garden and a cool summer breeze. Fun and relaxing. And he gave me my present - a salad spinner! Something only a true lc'er would cherish. I love that my family loves me no matter what I look like.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

I had the most awesome thing happen to me today.

I was out shopping with ds, we were at the Food Court and walking towards the restrooms. I see a lady walking towards me who looks pretty good. The closer I get, I realize that lady is me! There's a huge floor to ceiling mirror that I didn't notice with all the hubbub behind us reflected in the mirror. That's the first time in over 5 years I've had a positive reaction to my appearance. Granted, I had on capris instead of shorts - I look a lot better without my thighs showing. But still. I wasn't disgusted like I usually am when forced to look into a mirror.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Today is a perfect kind of day. It's cold and raining. I have the fire going, and I'm enjoying a nice cup of coffee and watching ds nap peacefully on the couch. It's too cold up in his room now. He's so cute.

The rain is good - since we're in the middle of a drought. And days like today are welcome after weeks of oppressive heat!

We got caught in the rain this morning while out on our jog. Kind of fun, though.

Had scrambled eggs for breakfast and sauteed squash/onion for lunch. Also had some hard salami and swiss rollups, which tasted great but not the best lc choice. Tonight will be leftovers.

Yesterday wasn't so good. I had lunch with my old friends from work. I miss work!

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

OK, enough already. Yesterday, the cold and rain was a welcome change. Today, I'm ready for it to go away! This kind of weather makes me crave my General Foods International Coffee, and the flavor I like doesn't come in sugar free. So I'm hosed.

I've been trying to get down to 20 carbs again, but I haven't managed it for 3 days in a row. I'm hovering in the 30s which is very comfortable for me, but I can't lose weight at that level. I love onions in practically everything I eat, and those are pretty high carb for me. I feel so bloated now because I've become addicted to soy nuts too.

Found a new low carb store near my neighborhood called Cravings. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Today I bought DaVinci Vanilla (they must've had 30 flavors there!), some flax-o-meal, some Thick-n-thin Not Starch, and a few MiniCarb baking products. The lc chocolates don't appeal to me, thank goodness. If I can't have the real thing, I don't want it. They had so many lc chips and cookies and snacks. I don't want to cave in to this sort of thing.

No exercise today, unless the Energy Fairy pays a visit this afternoon.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

You know, I love this place. I'm sitting here trying to combat the urge to cheat, and after reading several threads, I find it's just not worth it. If others can stay on plan, I can too.

I have a neighborhood party tonight to say farewell to some well-loved neighbors who are moving to Phoenix, and my goal was to fit in some size 8 Eddie Bauer pants I bought before I got pregnant. I wanted something nice to wear tonight because everyone only sees me in my yardwork or running clothes. I haven't tried them on in awhile, but am pretty certain they're still too tight.

I haven't been doing well this past week, and I'm not going to ask for help because I know exactly what I'm doing wrong. I just need the strength to fix it. My net carb totals for the past 3 days have been 31.8, 29.0 and 30.2. Doesn't look too bad on the surface considering I'm in OWL. But vegetables have not made up the bulk of these carbs. It's been too much coffee w/ cream, nuts, high carb veggies like onions and brussels sprouts, and Apple Crisp bars. Plus I've been eating too much high salt meat with nitrates like sausage, bacon and pepperoni slices. I've lost the zeal I had in January.

Oh well, onward....

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Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Emily,

Thank you so much for your response to my posting in redsoxfan's journal. I try to be as active with her as I can--it is important to me. As long as you spend time with your child, reguardless of what it is you do together as long as it is time with them--playing swimming, coaching, you name it. Make sure it is one on one time--that you make even those precious few minutes before bedtime or whenever really count. I would love to be a stay at home mom--I have student loans to pay off therefore--I must work and as a teacher I have the time after school to be with her every day and it is so nice. Mom never worked outside the home or family owned business and hence was always available! Sometimes even when you wish she wasn't, but it made growing up very easy--no time to get into too much trouble since mom awas always there looking over the shoulder so to speak.

__________________
Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

Right on, Lori.

I was going to do a long post last night, but decided to wait until today when I was in a better frame of mind. Good decision.

Still holding steady on the weight and carb levels.

First, the good news. I did fit into my size 8 pants for the party Saturday night. :jump: Haven't been able to fit in these in the past 4 years. Of course, they were name-brand so probably not a true 8. Those designers sure want you to feel good about yourself! There were some people there who haven't seen me since last year, when I weighed in the 160's. My signature says 157 because that's what I weighed the morning I started Atkins. I had been eating low-fat awhile before that and had dropped some weight, but was hungry and irritable all the time. Knew I could only keep it up for a very short time. Anyway, I got so many compliments on how I looked it became embarrassing. I really haven't lost that much weight. But I usually wear baggy, frumpy clothes, and I actually had on fitted pants and a fitted top tucked-in which looked more stylish and appealing. Did I get any compliments from my own husband? NO. I did well eating at the party, too. Kept to the salad, strawberries, a few nuts, and some rolled up deli meat and cheeses. Skipped the rolls and all the desserts. I did have some wine, but didn't overindulge.

Now why I was so upset last night. I did something I haven't done in 6 1/2 years of marriage. I announced at dinner I was going to a movie and just left. My tension had just been building up all weekend and I had to get away. DH worked all weekend (in fact, the past 3 weekends) at our neighborhood pool building a pergola and getting it ready to open next weekend. I realize he feels obligated to do his civic duty, but there's 250 houses in our neighborhood and I think we do more than our fair share. He travels a lot, works a lot, so the weekends are family time. And some time to give me a break from ds. Not happening lately. And now I find out he's going to Washington DC all this week on business. I'm sure he told me but I don't remember. So ds was on my last nerve all weekend, no help from dh, and now he's gone again all week. I feel dh just keeps on with his same old life, making plans and playing tons of golf without any consideration that he has other responsibilities now, namely a child.

So, I went to see a movie and didn't even like it. But I got out of the house for a few hours. Got home at 10:00 and of course ds was sleeping on the couch. Dh couldn't even put him to bed one night. Ds woke up as I carried him upstairs, so it took forever (about 5 books) to get him back to sleep.

DH doesn't know I'm upset. I didn't say anything last night or this morning, and I don't plan to. I know I should feel grateful for my life and quit being selfish. I am lucky to be able to stay home with my child. I wonder if it would've been easier to do this if I hadn't had a good career going in my prior life?

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

oh, i'm so sorry. {{{{emily}}}} ... hugs to you.
i'm so glad that you did get up and leave - you went out and did something for yourself (even though it was a bad movie), and you didn't explode or yell ... you let yourself cool down.
now, where was DH when you got home??? sleeping?
this is just my 2 cents, but i REALLY think you need to sit down and talk w/ DH about all of this. he must be informed about exactly how you are feeling.
are you lonely at all during the week while he's gone and you're home alone w/ DS?
maybe you can all schedule a day where DH spends the entire day w/ DS (on the weekend) ... so that you can do something for YOU??
let us know what happens ...
and please, please - don't keep this bottled up inside.

p.s. so glad you were able to wear your EB pants! WAY TO GO!

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**************
Carrie
156/154/135

DH needs to know you were/are upset and why--I know you like the lifestyle his job provides but that does not mean he can leave all the "home" duties to you all the time. My dh is wonderful about doing the necessary things at home as well as in the community, but he is also good about taking dd when I need him to as well. She loves Daddy to take her and he wears that hat perfectly--she is NOT the same kid when he is deployed or gone. . .even though she rarelys ees him more than an hour a day due to activities that I drag her to because my schedule is more suited than his.

When you tell him--use clear I statements--tell him exactly how you feel--I statements are non-blaming--"I was hurt when you spent more time working on the pool area last weekend than you did with the family because I needed a break." or "I was angry because you offered to work this weekend again and I wanted to_______ (whatever fits that blank)."

Works wonders for me when I am having a tough time with DH.

__________________
Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

Emily,

First, let me say.. CONGRATS!!! That is SO awesome that you fit in 8's! I'm so happy for you. Also, congrats on eating well at the party. That's great you were able to stay on plan. You're my hero.

Now, about the other thing... DH... I agree with the others, you probaby should talk to him about it... but probably not until he gets back in town. You might try writing a letter to him (not to send, but just to get out your thoughts and feelings... clarify things a bit). That's helped me in the past. Then, you can either give him the letter, have him read it and then talk about it... or maybe just talk about it with a clearer head. BTW, he probably does know you were upset if you've never done that before... he just probably doesn't know why.

I'll keep you in my prayers. If you need to talk, just give me a call. And... if you feel like getting together at all this week (like maybe for dinner Wednesday night), just let me know.

Hope you get feeling better and have a good day (and week)!

(((HUGS))),
Debby

Thanks you guys for caring enough to write. It means a lot. I could never say anything negative about dh to my family so this is where I can vent.

He called me 3 times today from the airports and the hotel. He obviously knew I wasn?t happy. He was asleep on the couch when I got home last night, and I left him there. And he left before daylight this morning, when I was still asleep.

I actually jotted down all the good things about him today, like why I love him and why I married him. Which was a good thing because I was in the right frame of mind when we finally talked. I was calm, non-accusatory, and rational. I can be over-emotional sometimes. I just explained that even though he does his fair share, or even more, around the house, when it comes to childcare I feel like I do it all. I haven?t been away from ds more than a few hours at a time since the day he was born. And he?s taken numerous vacations, like 3 fishing trips to Canada and lots of trips to Chicago to visit friends. He jokingly says the fishing trips were in the ?pre-nup? (we don?t have a prenup!). He and his college buddies have gone fishing in the deep backwoods of Canada for 15 years in a row now. I wouldn?t take that away from him. I've never had a vacation, nor have we had a vacation together. Anyway, to make a long story short, he agreed I needed a break and some time away. He?s taking ds to Dallas to visit his sister this summer, and says I can stay here. And he?ll help w/ the bedtime routine and on weekends. And we?re also getting 2 days by ourselves for the first time in 4 years this July, when my parents fly up here to take care of ds while we go to Aspen for a wedding. Dh totally loves ds and loves spending time with him. Other things have just gotten in the way lately. The pool project is finished ? thank goodness.

Hey Debby - dinner Wednesday sounds good. I'll PM you.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Haven't journaled in awhile. I'm trying to stay off the computer and devote more time to ds. I get online for 10 minute spurts here and there.

DH is back in town, but haven't had a face-to-face discussion yet. He got home from softball around 11:00pm last night and I was asleep already. We've got a babysitter tonight and will have our talk over dinner. I'm already nervous. :o

I've been lax on the water intake, and began upping it to minimum required levels (80 oz) 2 days ago. It's amazing what this does to my food intake! Much better, as water decreases my appetite and splurge urges.
Yesterday:
B-Decaf, cream, Atkins cereal
L-Sauteed cabbage and sausage, cheddar cheese slices
S-Apple Crisp bar
D-Chicken salad, romaine, 1/2 avocado
S-fresh strawberries & cream

It's a beautiful day and I'm taking off for an hour long power walk, and hopefully some jogging for parts of it.

__________________
Emily
Current: Size 10
Goal: Size 8

Enjoy your walk--I am going to start jogging this summer! I am finally at a weight that my knees may just manage not to fall completely apart on me if I try now! I will continue walking and swimming as my main means of exercise though!

Have fun with DH tonight--we are going to the circus--DD will love it. . .but her attitude and refusal to do school work got her grounded--I got carried away and now have grounded myself too--til next Friday! She goes nowhere without me when grounded--she gets no choices--can't make good ones, can't make any at all! I am SOOO not looking forward to 12 and 13 and 14 and 15 and well, you get the point--teen years!!!!!

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Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130