Well I have decided that if I am going to do this perhaps if I keep a journal this will keep me on track. I am tired of gaining weight, I am so frustratd that I want to start smoking again, as I have gained 40 lbs over the 3 years. But now is the time to be realistic and realize that I was already overweight before then, I am 5'1" 3/4 and weigh 209 (or did on Sunday , now 205. I was alays a happy person, but last year I had to go on effexor as I was so depressed that I cried all the time would yell my children, be angry at co-workers for no reason. I am much better but I do not want to stay on anti-depressant any longer I hope that by losing 85 lbs I will be back to the real me the kind compassionate caring and fun person. Well that is it for day one of my ramblingds, this will be my new outlet.

[This message was edited by Christina36 on 03-18-04 at 02:53 PM.]

Well last night by supper time I was starving, but I took some tips from other people on here and I felt good. This morning I had scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, it was very good. I am finding it really hard to believe that I will lose weight this way when I am eating bacon and cheese etc....I have never been one to diet because I like my food and I am not willing to starve myself. Also I do not have very good will power I break very easy. But so far so good Day 5 and I am still sticking to it. I know have the added pressure of my husband telling people what I am trying, he means well, he also is thinking about going on Atkins but I think he is looking for feedback from people he knows to see if this is healthy or not. The weekend is coming up so I hope I can stick to it, the week days are not to bad because I am at work. wish myself luck.....

Christina, we are all wishing you luck. You can't miss with all the people here pulling for you and all the advice they can give you. And, don't you dare start smoking. I know how hard it is. I quit 4 years ago and gained over 80 pounds. You are fortunate you are doing something about it now. I wish I had of. Now I'm battling the bulge again. I don't even think about smoking anymore and I feel so much better for it. I felt the same as you...how can I lose weight eating this way. Well, that was 73 pounds ago and I found out that you can lose it without being hungry. Keep up the good work and just take it one day at a time. We are pulling for you.

__________________
Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

thank you for your support, I have only been on this sight for a couple of days however all the questions that have come to my mind have been answered, I just have to search around. I find answer to questions I haven't even got to but sure I owuld. Anyway...... So I hope I am making progress at lunch I didn't feel hungry however I ate a peice of fish and green pepper just so I wouldn't get that 3:00 starving feeling, I brought cheese and pepperoni for snack if I need it. I am feeling realyy positive today that I can do this I sure hope so. My 2 goals for this is to lose weight and to be able to quit taking effexor. And of course be healthy for my four children. Till later

well it's Saturday, and I already know that today is going to suck, I was already thinking of eating popcorn, so I stayed in bed till noon. I hope I can make it.

Well it is sat night and I made it. Yah for me

DO you workout? If you do.. I might suggest a bit of exercise in the morning... even a walk... it helps me be "hungry" for "real" food, not just snacks. Don't know if that will help you, but I would think that getting up and getting busy with something.. anything, would help you think less about the craving. I know that when I'm sedimentary, I tend to think more about food, especially if I'm having a craving.

And if you really can't kick the habit... try Pork rinds.... they really kick my salty craving (aka for chips and popcorn).

__________________
Megan Rose
Back and really to lose some weight!
250(sw)/196(cw)/175(gw1)/150(fgw)

Yaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

I'm Soooooooo Happy for you!! The popcorn did not win out!!! Good going!!!

Have a Great Sunday!!!

__________________
Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-..
215/?/165 I Can Do This!!!
3/15 192 - 4/12 186 - 4/18 185 - 10/14 184

thank you for the support, and yes I have been using the treadmill, but that is another commitment I need to stick to. I am good for about 2 weeks then something will come up like hockey with my boys or my daughters curling or Kinettes, I have a lot of excuses. Anyway this morning I had scrambled eggs and bacon this seems to fill me up so I am not humgry by mid morning. Well it's been a week and I have 6 lbs. my 13 year old daughter figures I should by a new bathing suit so I have something to look forward to. I told her know just shopping in the regular section is my first goal. I can squeeze into a 15 but that is really squeezing. Plus I would look like a fool laying down on the floor to zip up my pants in the dressing room. Well that is it for now. One day at a time.............

Well it's been one week and I have lost 9 lbs. I am very excited I hope this the motivator I need. Now just to get onto treadmill. I did goto the pool with my daugther, and while in deep end I did a lot of treading water and different legs excercises. However tnight I have to get on the treadmill. I want to keep losing.....

Well not sure what the problem is today, but I am very tired, and when I am tired I like to eat junk food. I will just keep telling myself that NO I cannot have that. I have to carry on, I really want to succeed at this, I always give up. When it comes to my kids or my job or other decisions I am able to follow through, but if it is for me only I can't seem to keep the will power. I am feeling really depressed today for no apparent reason, but I could just cry. Perhaps it is because I dreamt about my grandma that died over 14 years ago. We were very close, I lived with her for awhile when my mom could not take care of me.....She was very sick and lived about 8 hours away from me and I was on my way down to Calgary when she died, so I never got to say good bye to her, and so every so often I dream of her and we will be doing something together then she gets up to go to bathroom or something and then never comes back. This really bothers me. Grandma I still love you very much and I miss you....

Well last night after work I went out for a couple of beer, I felt totally guilty about it, and thought great I have just blown a week and a half of hard work. However rather than quit I just decided to get back on top of things and not blame myself. I am applying for a new position at my branch as a business account manager, right now I deal with personal loans. I am quite nervous as I don't know if other account manager is receptive to me in that position. I would need to be trained and we have had some issues in the past however get along great now. It will be a huge learning curve for me but I am up for the challenge> I have worked at the bank for 9 years and started as a casual teller. Anyway we will see what happens if I don't get it that is alright because I enjoy my current role in branch and I work with an excellent person. She is the great and is a great support. Her name happens to be Chris too.....

Well I want to wish you the best of luck on getting the new position, but if it doesn't work out... remember our jobs aren't who we are, just what we do.

I'm glad that the beer didn't throw you off the wagon. It does to alot of people and you should be very proud of yourself for sticking to it, even though you had a little slip. That really shows dedication and motivation... very proud of you.

As for the treadmill... do you do anything else while you are walking on it? WHen I run on the elliptical at the gym.. they have tvs and it makes the time pass so quickly. The same goes for listening to music when I run outside. I might suggest moving your treadmill to where you can listen to music or watch tv while you are walking. It will help you gain a few more minutes in the day if you multitask like that. I also know a few people who read (I can't personally do this) so that might work for you too. If you have a favorite show... walk the entire length of the show... you'll get a good workout in and you'll still have watched something you love. Good luck with the treadmill!

__________________
Megan Rose
Back and really to lose some weight!
250(sw)/196(cw)/175(gw1)/150(fgw)

Well I am going to be a nervous wreck soon, I wish they would just make a decision already I hate the pressure of not knowing. Feeling really tired again not sure why. Probably from anxiety. Oh well as long as I hang on and don't break in. So foar so good, someone brougnt donuts to work this morning but I was able too resist this morning. It is tough I just want to give up but I can't I have to do this.

Well today really sucks I don't even want to be here today(at work). I would rather be at home sleeping. Not sure why I am so depressed today, but I hope I can shake it I don't want to bring others around me down. I don't even fell like eating which I know is not healthy, but just don't have any energy to even make myself a meal. Not sure why I am even writing this stuff down it is making me more depressed, enough self pity I will come back to journal when I am happier.