On the advice of the wonderful, talented Ms. Heykim, I am attempting the journal again! Hopefully this extra tool will get me going where I'm supposed to be, along with the Atkins' bible, a few fitness magazines, my fitness on demand on my cable, which is the best thing since Tivo!) there's instant access to belly dancing, yoga, tai-chi, pilates, 15 minute ab work outs, 15 minutes buns, things, arms, etc work outs. It's BETTER than a gym. I have a few work out videos but I think that they're too long I have 3 boys and I have to get it in where ever. But all of these are under 30 minutes! 10, 11, 15, 20 minutes! I have done 3 in a row because they are all so short! I'll do the abs, then lower body, and a 15-20 min cardio. There's no way I can get up in the am and exercise it's just not happenin'. So I've decided I'll have to do this as soon as I get home.

The following passage is something I posted today which has led me to this journal. My student's will be keeping journals this up coming semester so I think this would be a good thing to do with them.

I was down to 177, 12 pounds away from my first goal weight. Then I just started eating whatever I wanted but still some days low carb'ing and went up to 184. I thought I had it right when I got my book from the person I loaned it to. I was reading the book at stop signs and anytime I could. A page or even a SENTENCE goes a long way! I couldn't get enough of the book. While I did that I ate everything I was supposed to drank the water I was supposed to and went back to 180.5 For whatever reason I can't remember it now, I didn't read the book as much and got back into the same old habits and went back up to 185! Now I know this back and forth thing back and forth thing is really going to...screw me, (I hope I can use that word if not sorry please change it!) for lack of a better word, somehow...I even remember visualizing myself and the number I wanted (ultimately a size 8).
This time I asked for my boyfriend's help to keep all of the evil stuff away. So he's in on it this time like he was a year ago. Thursday, Friday, and all day saturday until 6:00 I did well, even then I ate a few fries. Then when I picked up some more I would put them down, the struggle when on and around 10:00 I had 2 bowls frosted flakes.
My best friend's wedding is in Oct I'm the maid of honor and I want to look as if it were my wedding day because there will be pictures and I think another part of the problem is that I am not unhappy at all where I am which is a 12. I've lost approx 40 pounds since just before last Christmas depending or not if I'm on plan. I've never been a size 12 before and what is an 8 look like and feel like? I want to get there because I'm curious more than anything. Maybe that's why I'm not there yet?

Now don't get me wrong, I plan for this to be the way I eat for the rest of my life. Both my grandmother and aunt died of diabetes this past year and I KNOW that in order to avoid the same disease I've got to committ to this WOE. I thought that my grandmother's death in itself would be a 'wake up call' and it was for a while but I've only got one leg on the stinkin horse and I'm holding myself up hanging off the side of it KILLIN' my arm (probably getting good exercise on that one arm though since I do keep pulling my self up!
Anyhow...HOW do I stop sabatoging myself!!?? I've been holding off buy new clothes for a LONG time because I want to get where I want to be before buying new clothes (I do have ones that fit but I want to go crazy in any store I want).

Sorry this was sooooooo long but I had to vent BAD. Like when you've drank 32 ounces of water in the car on the way home from work and you run like a manic to the door fumbling with stupid keys....That bad
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Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

Saturday 1/1/05
Today:

Pre breakfast: 1 scrambled egg

Breakfast: 6 sausage balls w/ cheese and soy flour.... 5 carbs
Lunch: ? I thought I ate something...Now that I think about it, I'm not too sure
Dinner: 3 salmon patties with soy flour and 1.5 cups of collard greens with (anyone who wishes to continue with this sentence does so at their OWN risk! I am not responsible nor liable for anything that happens to you when you read on...you have been warned) carb options french dressing...pre LC it was ketcup...I FINALLY found a subsitution. I will eat a whole 32 can of greens if it has french dressing on it....heavenly...ok away from my oddity..
19 carbs

I can't believe I didn't have any lunch today! I have no idea what I was doing...I think breakfast was so late that it may have counted for lunch...

I usually eat breakfast. boiled eggs, sausage balls...bacon and eggs. That pretty much covers that.

Stats: 99oz H2O; TCC=24; 3 1/2 video workouts 10min abs, 15 bellydancing, 5 minutes afro-brazilian workout, 10m buns...new year's phone call interruption, total ex time 40 minutes.

Conclusion: More veggies, less soy flour. Great exercise and water day!

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Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

*L* talented eh?? *L*
anywho.. see.. now was THAT so hard.. ? i DO love the CONCLUSION aspect.. great idea.. and i also love the idea of journaling while your
students are doing it as well! what insight that will give you into what the process they are going through is like.. and how much you learn about yourself when you have to read your own words..(which is diffferent than EATING your own words... but sometimes just as painful..*grin*)
welcome back kiddo! and much success.

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Thanks Kim! I'd say quite talented, I'm writing a journal! ;-)

My bf's sister and her friend were at the house last night and Tatyiana was saying how she needed to loose weight REALLy bad becasue her breasts are so large and it's getting worse the bigger she gets. Well Lia said ahe could not stop looking at me because I've lost so much and she kept telling me how good I look! I talked to Tatyiana for alomst 30 minutes about the whole process I get her a (badly beaten) copy of the atkins book. Since I have a beautiful new one until she can get a prettier copy than the one I gave her. But that definitely gave me the extra I needed to get through that night hopefully I can ride on that for a while.

Another great thing was this morning I tried on a skirt that I have been DYING to wear for the past 6 years! I got it from a friend who couldn't wear it anymore. AND IT FIT! It's a size 12 and that's the size I've been just getting into but those 4-5 pounds I keep gaining back and forth keeps me out fo the 12's. But I am DETERMINED to stay here this time!!


Yesterday was a horrible eating day I ate a boiled egg at 6:15 then I had a fried egg and a piece of 7 gram LC toast w/ mayo (and egg), then dinner a salad and fried chicken wings (with out the breading.

Today wasn't TOO much better! I ate a piece of 7 gram LC toast w/ mayo and a 1 c hot dog, I woke up late and had to grab SOMETHING, what I REALLY wanted was bacon and scrambled eggs, haven't had that since I started making batches of sausage and eating that in the am instead...I really need to start waking up earlier so that I can get in either a work out, or just be able to not have to rush darn it. I think I'll start with waking up early to have time for eating at home instead of in the car on my way to work. Maybe watch a little bit of Buffy and add exercise when I get into a rhythm of waking up that early. I started eating lunch at the end of my planning period 10:15...that's not going to work. I have to start eating lunch at 9:45!! One of my students from last semester came to my class because her math teach kicked her out for not knowing the answer to a problem! (This particular teacher is NOTORIOUS for ridiculous behavior) Then when it was time for the actual lunch. A student from last semester came in and wanted to sit in my room during lunch....freshmen, not many friends, sweet and adorable but annoying sometimes...anyhow talked to Mr. Tate for way too long, started out with "What are you eating today?" Another student came by teacher came by and lunch was over! So I really only had 4-5 bites of a HUGE salad got home and I was STARVING BUT I prevailed and instead of eating something quick, I ate a salad!! I felt SOOO good about that. I'm still floating off of Lia's comment and Tatyiana's desperation to do something about her weight, AND my size 12 triumph today, AND finding out I lost 7 pounds! Everytime I get under 180...actually that was only once. The LAST time I was under 180 I wore a pair of jeans that I hadn't in so long. I wore THE wrong pants to work yesterday. Still thinking I was the thicker me and they fell down all morning until during planning I used the belt that a studnet from last semester left in my class at some point. My pants had no belt loops on it so you know how THAT looked. FORTUNATELY I had on a long shirt yesterday that covered my fashion don't! But that was great they were literally falling off. Though not cool when you're teaching high school kids...on their first day in your class. I know I looked badly dressed to my first block students, not that they really care what teachers wear!

SO Conlusion for both days...horrible not enough water either day, No exercise, company yesterday and it's about to be bed time in a little while so I know it's not going to happen today! Carbs were ideal though for someone trying to do under 10 carbs a day but since that's not me I guess it wasn't TOO ideal! Ahh....I need to remember to TAKE my vitamin too! With the way I'm eating I'm going to keel over for lack of something. Se la vie

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222/176/165

Today was definitely a good day!
B: 3 pieces of bacon, 1/2 egg (made it TOOOOOO salty) 0C
L: chicken salad, w/ cucumbers & buttermilk ranch dressing 6C
D: stir fried chicken cooked w/ onions, broccoli, red and green bell peppers; cauliflower (mashed) and black soy beans sweetened w/ splenda. 12 carbs

100 oz of water and no exercise for today (unfortunately) but I cleaned for a while so that kinda counts. Although I really want to work on my arms and abs at least. I soooo wish I could wake up earlier! But that would mean going to bed earlier and I SUCK at that. I'm seriously thinking about buying a wig because I HATE to do my hair!! It's just too thick and TOO much to deal with in the mornings trying to curl it and make it look good. Darn students. If I were stuck in a cubicle all day I'd just say to h*ll with it and put it in a ponytail but that just won't work. I can't feel comfortable in class with a bad hair day. I wish I could just call in so that I wouldn't have to do my hair!! Now THAT'S lazy!

I bought vitamins today and some other Atkins excel stuff it was $5 I HAD to get it 1/2 off! Why not!
I think with all of the ACV and the green tea and the sea salt I should be 165 by next week!! hahaha yeah right!

Conclusion, still need to up on the carbs a little; exercise came in different forms today. H2O was perfect

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Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

sounds like you are on a roll my walnut compadre! good job! i had MY jeans fall off the other day... fortunately i dont wear em AWAY from home anymore.. but still... standing there holding the baby with my jeans at my ankles was EMBARRASSING... anywho... i got the walnut crust recipe from an atkins cookbook (hey..it was PRETTY.. sure i dont use it... but it looks GREAT on the coffee tables..*L*)
i think it was basically just walnuts crushed and butter and a bit of splenda and vanilla? not sure .. i will HUNT it up tho and get back to ya on PM...okay?

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I think I'm on a good roll!! I don't even know how many days it's been! I want to say 6 days! 8 more days and I'll move on from this induction. I think I need a strong 2 weeks of ind because I've been so bad.

I've been insipired by a telenovela (spanish soap opera) to make clothes for myself. Not that there's someone on the novela that does it but I LOVE the clothes on that show. And there's clothes I want that I do NOT want to go hunting for. NOT to mention it SOOOO much cheaper! Especially since I'll be changing sizes here. I don't know how to sew but my mom has a sewing machine that she's giving me tomorrow and I'm going to go to Joanne's and get some fabric (the cheapest and ugliest) to practice with. I'm also thinking about making my own jewelry also. 2 things I have no idea how to do and no idea how I'm going to learn how to do them...we'll see!

This morning I had time to only made 3 pieces of bacon for breakfast
B: 3 bacon
L: chicken stir fry cooked w/ broccoli and onions (leftovers from yesterday I picked out all of the carrots by bf put in there and there were no more red and green bell peppers left) 1c mashed cauliflower, 1/2c black soy beans sweetened w/ spenda 8C
D: 3 pieces of coconut chicken.

I can NOT cook. I CAN but I shouldn't because everytime I do I try what I taste and while it was lowcarb it was enough to make me lose my appetite! I ate 3 good pieces of coco chicken and couldn't sit down to actually eat my veggies bc what are veggies without meat? It would have just been left over cauli and black beans. PLUS I REALLY wanted to make the peanut butter cheese cake chocolate layered thing. Which I am waiting to cool as I type right now. I should be down there cleaning the kitchen or something but I am just SOOO tired. I think I may try to force myself to exercise before I go to bed tonight. And then when the boys are gone tomorrow I'm going to do a couple of exercises from on demand.

So conclusion: No where near enough veggies. I definitely had enough water, although I'm not sure what the total count was for today. No exercise, unless you count cooking (at least not as of yet) I'm thinking I'm going to work on arms and save abs for tomorrow. And I took my vitamins menos 1! The only reason I didn't take that one was becuase I forgot my vitamins and things at home like I always do. They WILL go to work with me one day. I have ACV in the drawer that I don't even use...AND I NEED TO!! Oh yeah I salted today too and green tea'd. I don't know how in the world people green tea 4 times a day. I need to get all the water in! That's hard by itself most days!

__________________
Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

hey my walnut compadre! well.. i have a single serving coffee pot that i make hot water in and sit here on the puter and make cup after cup of green tea... gotta dish for the bags i use.. keep the box of bags on the end table... and i just pour water out of a pitcher i keep filled here on the end table too..

as for you.. youre doing great.. but i agree .. up the veggies..(and then yell at ME to..*L*)
did ya get my PMs about the walnut crust?

i have a sewing machine i havent used in YEARS its nice.. but if the blippin bobbin gets messed up ONE time.. i give up..*L*

good luck with the sewing and jewelry making!

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Yeah I know that's what's going to happen when mine messes up. But luckily my bf is good at stuff like that and knows about sewing, so he'll more than likely get it fixed for me!

B: 4 sausage balls
L: ? (probably that stupid cheesecaky stuff with the peanut butter crust which I will NOT be making again for a LOOOOOONG time it messes up my eating I won't eat what I need to if I eat that stuff it's soooo good!!)
D: 2 hamburger patties and 1c mashed cauli
snack: 2 pepperoni flavored beef sticks and 1 5C bag of peanuts

I went to a basketball game at my school last night and whilst my bf was sitting next to me eating fries and drinking a pepsi I went to the teacher's lounge and got some LC snacks and did NOT give into the temptation! I am NOT trying to go over 180 again! Since I'm under it I'm determined to stay there!

Today:
B: 4 sausage balls
L: 2 hamburger patties with lettuce and cheese
D: haven't eaten it yet. But it's beef and I have no idea what type of veggie. I'll more htan likely make myself some greens...need some more leefy greens in there today..oh yeah and left over soy beans. Plenty leftover since I'm the only one who eats them!

__________________
Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

good for you! it would be hard for me to sit next to someone eating those things.... but fortunately it isnt TORTURE anymore...
5C bag of peanuts? is that five cups?

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Heck no!! 5 Carbs! I would have died from peanut overdose!!
I'm not even THAT big of a peanut fan! It was somewhat torture. I jsut turned my back on him and it was a lil better. I just wanted to snatch 'just one' but I didn't. The lady at the daycare asked me if I had lost more weight and I told her yes. She told me I needed to stop losing because I was going to look sick! Imagine! Bigger means healthier I guess. Let's everyone know you're eating THE WRONG thing! According to her I'm getting TOO skinny. I'm happy with my size now. The only thing is curiosity has got me wondering what an 8 is! I've set a goal for myself to be in an 8 by August. That's when the alterations for my maid of honor dress will probably need to be done for an Oct 22 wedding. The more involved I'm going to be with this wedding the more and more I want to get married myself! Stinkin' boyfriend. We've known each other for 5 1/2 years, and we've been together 'officially' for 3 years I think....somewhere around in there I dunno. It'll happen one day but I just want to pick out my dress!
Anyhow
B: 4 sausage balls
L: stewed beef with salad w/ cucumbers and buttermilk ranch dressing
D: Dunno yet bf is cooking as we speak. All I know is there is beef.

Not enough water and no exercise. I'm going to have to cut off this website to get my exercise in. I could be on this thing all day!!

I am going to have to cut back though because my son is going to start soccer soon. 3 days a week plus game day! SO I won't have very much time planning my life around him. LUCKILY he's the oldest (6) and the only one I have to worry about until the 2 & 1 y/o start getting in to sports and stuff.

__________________
Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

hey WHAT ? NO CONCLUSION? whadda ya think i READ this for huh?
*L*
my birthday is in august.. so when i turn 53 you wear an EIGHT for me ..will ya?
boyfriends! bah! *L*.. actually honeymoon tried to DRAG me across the street to the justice of the peace when i FINALLY agreed to get a LICENSE (he swore they were good for 6 months or some crap like that) i didnt cave.. but several weeks later i decided i was ready...sorta.. kinda... well... i was ready as i would EVER be...*L*
doin it the 2nd time is pure torture on the mind and emotions...
it took some heavy convincing...

CONCLUSION: WAIT! when its the RIGHT TIME it will happen.. if it DOESNT ..it wasnt right to begin with..
mother speach #77

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Hahahahha! I was going to do one and then I thought about HOW much I REALLY needed to get OFF of the computer. Cut is short! Sorry! I'll NEVER do that to you again!

Thanks for the advice mom! hahaha
I SOOOO know that but it's annoying sometimes and I think more than anything I just want to wear a ring and get a pretty dress. I guess going to the store would be simple enough huh? hahaha i don't buy jewelry so someone needs to do it for me. I don't feel like learning to do it or doing it for myself. I'd prefer to buy me other things like music and books. Let someone else get the expensive stuff!!

Anyhow, I forgot yesterday about my lil cheat. Mysister gave me her salad yesterday and it had cruotons on it. I had one and then I had 10 but I didn't have anymore. Those things were REALLY good! I'm going to make my own LC croutons from my LC bread make them all garlicky and stuff.

B:3 sausage balls
L: 1 medium salad w/ ranch dressing, cucumbers, cheese, ham and turkey
D: not there yet

No exercise so far, no where NEAT enough water so I will be stuffin myself with water when I finally get home!

__________________
Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165

*L* no problem... mothers speeches available ANYtime.. now if i would only listen to MYSELF..;-)
daughter #1 had a boyfriend and a baby ...probably started over 10 years ago... on and off again deal (horrific on mothers..) finally he asked her to marry him.. she got the dress all picked out and paid ... had all the CHILDHOOD DREAMs ready to take place.. and he moved out AGAIN and said he changed his mind..AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH (thankyoujesus i didnt kill the boy..thankyouverymuch) but at christmas time THIS year mygrandson went to see him (his dad) in california.. and lo and behold... he was living with a FRIEND.. *LOL* friend has 5 kids *L*

yeah.. well i SURE as heck know what FRIENDS do..he was my DAUGHTERS FRIEND..*L*

so her heart was broken..(old dreams die hard) and she is catching the drift that they WONT get back together.. (dear god i PRAY she is getting that drift) but it is hard...

too bad about your cheat on croutons.. back in he saddle already! good! make extra of the lc croutons.. i LOVE them...garlic for sure!
get your water in my walnut compadre!

conclusion:
dont look at friends salads... concentrate on your own..*L*

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The last couple of days have been rough just getting the water in, but as fara s plan I've been doing fine!

Thursday
B: 2 boiled eggs
L: Chef salad at school w. Buttermilk ranch just lettuce cheese and turkey and ham
D: cabbage with hamburger patties made with onions, bell peppers and rutabagas (that's the only way I'll eat them, mashed in with hamburger meat can't taste them then)
48 oz H2O MAYBE

Fri:
B: 3 stips of bacon didn't have time to make anything else rushing all over the place
L: tuna salad w/ buttermilk ranch
Snack left over from dinner yesterday patties and cabbage
D: 2 bar b q chicken legs with carb well b b q sauce didn't any veggies because I'd just had the cabbage not too much earlier and I really wasn't even hungry
I did have an atkins peanut butter cup thing and a cup of coffee with WAAAAY too much splenda, the only way I've ever been able to drink coffe was with TOO much sugar! What I SHOULD have done now that I think about it was use the erithrytol to kinda combat the carbs!
70 oz of H2O not enough for me. I usually aim for 100 oz

Soccer sign ups are today so I've got to get out there and sign up the boy!

Maybe today I can get in
B: 2 bacon, 1 scrambled egg
L: cabbage w/ leftover hamburger patty
D: grilled tuna steaks with salad and carb options french dressing
S: sausage balls!
EXERCISE should be SOMETHING! I know I'll be cleaning and folding stinkin laundry today. ewwww....paying bills should be an exercise too!

Ok what I really got in Sat was
B: Mock danish
L: cabbage w/ tuna steak
D: 1/3 LC burger from Hardee's (lettuce was the veggie here)

Conclusion last 2 days have been fairly good. Exercise has sucked. I need to add in a veggie. I just don't know where to put it! How do I add veggies? And PLEASE don't suggest I eat them raw!!! EWWWWWWWW! NOT even with peanut butter or ranch dressing. Broccoli raw taste like...grass to me

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Proactive not reactive!!
222/176/165