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heykim · #61 04-14-2005, 02:13 AM

okay... i figure its GOTTA be the BASEBALL keeping you away...

missing your posts tho...

redsoxfan · #62 04-25-2005, 02:30 AM

I"ve been around. Just not posting. Life has kept me busy. Soooooooooo busy. And I've really been struggling. With school, with the situation at home, with seriously trying to not panic at all times. I feel like I'm drowning most of the time. You know how it gets. Life is just too much and it feels like there's a weight on your chest and you're sad all the time.

I'm sad all the time. So sad. I know I'm depressed. And so I've been trying to sort it all out. My feelings towards life, school, home. How I'm going to balance it. I'm not doing that very well right now. And so I've slacked off on the posting, because it'd be the same post every day. I'm not eating bad. I'm not eating great. I'm staying at 195ish or so. Sometimes lower, sometimes higher, but really right around there.

So, that's it. And there are other things. Here's the deal: Last August a group of us that hung out on the comments section of a few popular Red Sox blogs (bambinoscurse, survivinggrady, and a few others) started up a message board. We're all about the same age - 20's, most of being in our mid-20's, with a few older and a few younger.

Anyhow, we've gotten really tight. The board's gotten bigger of late, but for a while there it was like 10 or so us that posted. And I got really close to a few people. One in particular tickled my fancy. I mean, I liked the stuff he would post and he was always good at making me laugh. Last night we had a meet-up (3rd one overall, first I was able to make it to). And I meet this person. And. Yeah. I like him. So much. I mean SO much. I mean, he's everything I've ever wanted in a guy.

And so. Now I just need to make something happen. And I am chickens*** when it comes to stuff like this. But. I like him so much.

huskersfan869 · #63 04-25-2005, 03:01 AM

GO for it...one thing in your life going in the right direction...don't let him slip away...I know how boards get...used to be part of a great husker board that just got too huge for my liking...so I dropped out then changed my E-mail...not because of the board...but it worked that way...now no contact with the board at all...I miss the conversations...but not the craziness that was there. Take care of you...just do the best you can and keep holding on...the day will come when you can get back to being more serious about the eating...for now...take care of the otehr stuff...school especially...get that degree, do one thing at a time...solve waht you can, do what you can and let the rest go...knowing you have done all you can do is all the comfort I can offer...

redsoxfan · #64 04-30-2005, 01:41 AM

Well I have no clue if he likes me or not. We flirt outragously on the message board, but we all do that, you know? It's basically a group of 20 something year olds. Double inuendos are par for course. So it's impossible to tell what he really feels. This is probably all one sided.

I'm just glad I have this journal. I can't talk about it there because, well, you know. And I don't want to mention it to real like people because it's a random internet thing and, while I think most would understand, it's still a bit strange, you know?

But, just sigh. I feel about 12. I haven't had a crush this big since....well probably since I was 12. Oh, I don't know. Anyhow, I could deal with one sidedness. Crushes aren't bad. I'm just in a lonely place right now. I'm not alone, but I'm not really connected with anyone. I have my friends and my parents and all that, but I want more.

I don't know. Just in a bad spot right now.

BrattyChelle · #65 05-01-2005, 09:36 AM

First off.....nice to meet you

Second.....hugggs on the internet situation. Don't laugh it off as "Just an internet thing"...that's how I met my husband

Curious, would you be able to simply PM him and simply say you enjoy his contribution to the board and that you enjoyed meeting him in person? That would open up a doorway to a private conversation. You don't know how he feels until you try...for all you know, he may feel the same but like you, feels you do not. It's worth exploring...because otherwise he will slip away with you never knowing.

Hang in there with school. College was the hardest, yet most rewarding thing I ever did.

huskersfan869 · #66 05-01-2005, 12:00 PM

College is hard... that connected thing is hard as the friends all begin pairing up and getting married...I knowt he drill...I was one of those getting married types...school makes relationships tenuous at best at times as you have classes and all keeping you too busy to do the things you would prefer.

redsoxfan · #67 05-02-2005, 02:31 AM

Internet is how my sister meet her spouse as well. So I have faith in the power of the internet.

I just don't know what to do. I've said before, I'm total chickensh*t when it comes to stuff like this. No self-confidence. None. Blah.

I was talking via email with another member from the board about her situation with someone she had met on another Sox board and I said something like "at least someone out there is interested in you". And then she was like, "being single isn't so bad, maybe this is the cosmos way of you and XXX hooking up". And I had never mentioned to her my crush on XXX. And then I told her but she had no insight on the situation.

So, either I'm not reading too much into things that are posted, or I am and he's just being fun flirty, you know? It could sooooo go either way. I lean towards the whole I'm reading too much into things and seeing what I want to see, because if he were truly into me to the extent that I'm into him, I think he would have contacted me outside of the board. Even on a trumped up excuse. And he'd have a tailor-made one as we both co-moderate a forum. But on the other hand, things have gotten like over the top flirty between us. So.

I don't know. There's going to be a May meet up. I'll make sure (finals permitting) to make it to that one. And try to asses the situation more then. He always goes, so I know he'll be there.

heykim · #68 05-21-2005, 09:53 PM

hey... just wanted to tell ya that if you check the pictures in my BLOG you will see my stepson and his bride... got married april 30th of this year.. met on line...;-)

beansmom · #69 06-03-2005, 07:33 PM

soxer...hey, there! i know what you mean about the net thing..it's great and scary at the same time. I have tales to tell, darlin. email me at franklymydear59@yahoo.com

we'll talk..

how bout them sox?? did ya just love the whoopin they gave the yankees? LOLOLOLOL

heykim · #70 06-03-2005, 07:53 PM

oh my... havent heard from you SINCE you mentioned the internet guy..*horrors!* please let us know your still alive *L*

redsoxfan · #71 06-05-2005, 02:35 PM

Hi guys! I'll be back more now than I was. School just totally kicked my ass the month of May. I don't think I slept for about 3 weeks straight. Ugh. I have never been so stressed out or so busy. It was simply unreal. But I gave my last presentation a week ago and now I get some time off before I go back to the lab for the summer. Which is going to seem like vacation after having to juggle lab AND school work............

So to update on the saga of my internet life. UGH. I'm not so big on the drama and this is getting really dramatic! You are all going to laugh at me and my whole being 26. Here's the long, complicated story. So I mentioned these people before right? And how we had meet up and had a good time? Well. Some of us have actually become real life friends. There are a handful of them that I actually hang out with all the time now and stuff. We just get along great. Because we're all in our mid 20's and into having a good time.

So last week, I went over one of their apartments to watch the game. In which we kicked Yankee butt - HA! Anyhow, the best friend of the guy I like was there. Who I kind of know because he has a blog and he's hung out on the board before and he always comments in other people's blogs. Plus, one night like two weeks ago, after we went out, we wound up back at his apartment to just hang out. Anyhow, point of all this is that he was there last Sunday. As was a really big bottle of tequila. And, erm, well. I didn't sleep with him, OR EVEN GET CLOSE TO THAT, but there was totally inappropriate drunken line crossing. Which is completely unlike me, but he was totally coming onto me.

Anyhow, I chalked it up to, well, there was tequila and he's a huge flirt anyhow. But last night I was over someone else's apartment to celebrate guy I like b-day. So he was there, as was tequila boy. And tequila boy was allllllllll over me. Which is totally flattering because tequila boy is really good looking. And smart. And HOT. And I have huge self-confidence issues.

But I'm not so much into tequila boy. Because I don't trust him as far as I could throw him. He's the type that would break my heart into a million pieces in a heartbeat. I really like his totally dorky friend. I mean, I just do. It's not even a close contest between the two. But both of them were there last night and I'm sure dorky guy has heard all about last Sunday (with embellishments, as someone else was telling me). And, thus, now it is all complicated because I know what the guy I like is thinking because I would think the same thing. Plus, I still have no idea if the guy I like has any feelings towards me other than friendship. And my life is NEVER like this! I'm all like, wait, what? Oyyyyyyy. I just want the dorky nice guy.

Also, while we are updating my life, I've finally gone back to gym. And I think I broke my shoulder. I don't know what I did! But owwwwwwwww. So sore. But I've gone a good amount over the past two weeks and am finally getting back into some sort of shape. I'm back to be able to jog for a half hour solid. Which is so much better than I was a few weeks ago, when like walking for ten minutes winded me. Sigh. Way too much time spent sitting in the library. WAY TOO MUCH.

My eating has been okay. Better since finals ended. But I have no groceries. So I've been eating out a lot. Which is not good. And expensive. Blah. I think tomorrow I'll drag my buttocks to the grocery store and get things like meat. And veggies. And eggs. And, you know, general basic groceries.

So that's the update for now. I'll definately be around more now. I finally have free time! WHOO! AND I HAVE BASEBALL TO WATCH! YAY! I LIKE BASEBALL!

huskersfan869 · #72 06-05-2005, 02:52 PM

You have to be pleased that the Sox are doing good and that the Yanks aren't! I mean they mut be pretty pathetic if the Royals...my boys...can sweep a series from them! Good luck with the nice dorky guy! Been wondering how finals were going !

redsoxfan · #73 06-07-2005, 04:14 AM

Being a life long Sox fan, and having to deal with all the crap of being a Red Sox fan pre-Greatest Post Season EVER, the glee I take in watching the Yankees struggle might be unparalleled. HA! So much fun to see them slip below .500. Losing to the BREWERS tonight! WITH RANDY JOHNSON PITCHING!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I smirk often over this. And I feel no guilt. I had to live through endless 1918 chants, numerous references to Bucky Dent, the 1999 ALCS, the 2003 ALCS, being in 2nd place in the division 7 years running. Unless you're a Sox fan you have no idea how much ESPN and FOX loved to torture RS fans by showing us all of our glorious defeats over and over and over again. AND THEN WE HAD THE GREATEST COMEBACK EVER!

I just wish we were in first so I could REALLY enjoy it. We're in that fun pattern of win one, lose one, win two, lose two. Sigh. Our bullpen. Oh, woe is our bullpen. Our starters haven't been that bad. I mean Bronson only gave up 2 runs the other day and left with a 5-2 lead in the 6th. We should've won that game. And yet we managed to lose it 13-6. Blah. I know we entered the season with some real question marks, but those seemed to be mainly focused on our starting rotation (will Wade Miller come back? Matt Clement of the losing record? DAVID WELLS!?!?!?!?!? He's fat and approximately 912 with a bad back and cranky knee!!! And I'm not at all surprised that Schilling is pretty broken), but I don't think anyone thought our bullpen would be this stomach turning. I don't want to relive 2003. That memory is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too recent.

Le Sigh.

Can't wait for the Queer Eye Sox episode tomorrow! Tek with the back wax! Millar with the pumpkin facial! Wake with the parafin wax hand treatment! HA! I'm having people over and we're going to drink pink themed drinks and giggle for the entire hour I'm guessing. I'm so damn proud of this team for doing this. Seriously. It makes me want to cry. Homophobia and professional sports is a well established norm. For these guys to do this, means a lot. Esp. since on the other board, we have a member who's a cop. And the other day he had to respond to a call about a 17 yr old kid. Who was gay and picked on at school. And who decided he couldn't take it anymore and jumped to his death. If I ever meet Dougie, Tek, Millar, Wake, or Damon in person, there will profuse thanks from me. Stupid little things like this just help to increase tolerance.

Anyhow, to bring this back to LC eating, I did not eat lc today. Blah. I was quasi good. I had fried eggs and coffee for breakfast. But then I had half a Snickers bar as a snack. And then some cookie dough. I had a chef's salad for dinner. But then I had a small handful of raisinettes and some nacho chips and salsa. And I think I had something else naughty. But I can't remember. I'll go to the gym tomorrow and do better.

Seesko · #74 06-25-2005, 10:59 PM

Hey! Glad to see that you are still here. I have thought about you often. (Mainly when your boys kicked Yankee but last year)
I just wanted to pop in and say "hello"

redsoxfan · #75 02-20-2006, 02:59 AM

I am back. Not that I've ever really left the LC lifestyle. I've been doing it too long and old habits die hard..... thankfully. Just haven't been to the board or posting or any of that recently. Heh.

Anyhow, I'll post in this thing again on a regular basis. Track my food. I've been eating bad recently and feeling out of control. We all know how that goes. But my weight is fine. Even a touch lower than normal - 189-192ish. But I can't afford to go to a gym, so I feel sooooo flabby. I have yoga tapes that I should just do but I can't seem to make myself. I need the structure of a gym. Sigh. A few months til I graduate and then I will get a real job and have money. w00t.

Anyhow, I'm not going to post what I ate today because the words "cookie dough" will be involved and no one needs to know about that.

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