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gregg · #**166** 03-30-2005, 09:18 PM

Hey Rhonda,

I overdid it on the ham too. At Easter dinner which I was invited to, the food options were ham, mashed potatoes, a green bean with crunchy onion concoction and lots of cake. I think we both did pretty good on the choices considering what was available. BTW, I was up 3 pounds too on Monday, but back to 'normal' again today. I don't usually get bloating from salty stuff, but the ham got me this time. Kim's right, at least we didn't have the mashed potatoes and the cake!

texanflowr · #**167** 03-30-2005, 09:35 PM

Hi Gregg! Yes, I patted myself on the back too for not eating the mash potatoes and twice baked ones and the cakes and the pies and the Peanut Butter Eggs.... the list goes on. That ham sure put the weight on tho Gregg.... never experienced anything like it before, but maybe it was because I used to eat all those carbs along with it and just figured it was carb bloat! Glad to see you again and hope you will stop by soon

Had to drive all the way home from the office with McDonald's ff's and cheeseburgers and McChicken sandwiches.... baked pies.... yeah, the kids wanted McDonalds and I gave in and bought it on the way home. Wanted to get home and get in my sweats and walk a couple of miles before the rain and high winds arrive tonight so I gave in. Will think twice about that next time..... dang..... never remembered ff's smelling that GOOD before, but I RESISTED! McDonald's ff's were ALWAYS my downfall.... I am strong.... I am envinceable..... I am a LOW CARBER FOR LIFE

gregg · #**168** 03-30-2005, 10:25 PM

Good going Rhonda on passing up the ff's, cheeseburgers and Mcchicken sandwiches, not to mention all the other junk you passed up on Easter! No matter how motivated I am, and I AM, it's still hard to face down those mashed potatoes, not that I'm REALLY tempted to indulge, but having to LOOk at em and SMELL 'em....... sigh
BTW, any tips on pork roast in the crock pot? I've tried that before and it ended upfalling apart into a 100 pieces and didn't come out oo well.
Good going on the walking, you're doing great!

texanflowr · #**169** 03-30-2005, 10:27 PM

Called the tenants in our TX house and told them Scott would be moving back in May.... probably should have MADE him do it, but didn't want him conveniently "forgetting" and then not giving them proper notice.... Life goes on .....

LessRenee · #**170** 03-31-2005, 09:59 AM

Congrats on the ff's Rhonda. Those are up there with marshmallow peeps in terms of hard to resist foods. The ff smell lingers in the car too

I'm really sorry to hear about DH. How are you doing with respect to that?

texanflowr · #**171** 03-31-2005, 10:26 PM

Hi Renee, and thanks, as always for checking in. As far as DH goes.... well, I think I am more frustrated than anything with him at this point and feeling a little "used". For the last year, he has basically been unemployed... thought he wanted to be a truck driver, so I bought him a big rig, trailer, etc.... mortgaged myself to the tune of about $200,000 for that baby... a year later, he decides he doesn't want to do it anymore. Soooo took about a $100,000 hit on it when it was resold.... that was just the last of his job changes I have seen him through... So, basically, no income and lots and lots of debt with him and now this.... Of course, I know it is a financial thing, and certain there are other emotions that play into my entire feelings of utter frustration with him. To say the least, are sex life is non-existent.... haven't had that in oh..... I'd say about two years now. When I tell my mom..... she cannot believe it, I can't believe it... but it is true :( At first, I thought maybe it was because I was a little overweight... but he can hardly say anything about that since he is pushing 350 at 6'2". Besides that issue, I think if you really love someone, it transends the weight issue... at least for me it does. Heck, even outside appearances (provided their hygiene is good) doesn't bother me. Dated a lot of men before that one might consider "less than attractive", but I found them to be so in many ways, least of all the exterior part of their appearances played a role in my interest in them. While "eye candy" is nice.... I drool over a men I see on ocassion... that's all it is. For me to want to spend my life with them, they would have to have far more than just good looks. I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I never should have married him. I think he has some "gender" issues and I have known that since before the marriage... Scares me to death to be honest with you. His brother is gay.... and I think he has those tendencies too. May explain a lot to me ..... probably why he was 38 years old, never married before me, and never had interest in sex, even before our marriage. Always ME doing the instigating, if you know what I mean. Now while I do not think I am a beauty queen, if you have seen my picture on the photo section of this sight, I am not some UGLY OLD LADY yet..... So I don't know. We have always gotten along famously before the last couple of years. In fact, he was my best friend for 4 years before I married him. It seems to me I have had a roommate for about 6 years now that doesn't even pay rent or clean up after himself sooooooo guess I am ready for him to have his own life at this point and I will just somehow try to find mine ....

Okay, probably too much information for you, but you ask

And nooooooo I am not going to edit this post because once again..... it is all true :(

J-girl · #**172** 04-01-2005, 02:44 AM

Hey there pretty lady! I'm glad you didn't edit the post because it cleared up some questions I wanted to ask but didn't feel it was my place. Sounds like you are ready to move on, and IMHO, it's definitely time. I believe this is the time of new beginnings for you, and while it may be difficult, you can only grow from it. And you WILL come out stronger. :o

Stay strong Rhonda. You are too sweet of a person to let this get you down.

hugs
Kelly

LessRenee · #**173** 04-01-2005, 08:40 AM

Rhonda,

That is not TMI

I'm so sorry things are like that at home. You deserve so much better. There is so much more LIFE out there. You have been a good friend and a good spouse to him, way more than I would have been. You deserve the same back. Do you think things will be better if he's living away from you? Will you stay married? Two years... wow. Do you think there is anything that can be done to fix it?

lots of hugs
Renee

texanflowr · #**174** 04-01-2005, 10:21 PM

Hi Renee and Kelley and thanks for stopping by. OMG..... can't believe I vented like that, but sad to say... still all true.

In answer to your question Renee, we were separated for two years.... when I first moved to KC from Austin he refused to move. Found out on a surprise visit that I was NOT welcomed, even though over the phone everything "seemed" okay, but in my heart I knew differently.... figured then, just as I do now, he was only using me for finances, as I have grown to believe once again here. To make a long sad story even short... I drove 12 hours one night to get to Austin from Kansas City to "see" things for myself.... well I did.... found male "protection" in the master bedroom there, and it certainly wasn't for me.... Confronted him when he arrived back home and then promptly left. Cut off finances to him... which considering I was making the house payment there as well as here.... hurt him financially a great deal. That went on for about six months..... of course, at that point he begged and begged and said he NEVER used them, I should have counted them, they were all there..... blah blah blah... and were just there in case he was too drunk to make a rationale decision... (Yeah, like there should have been an opportunity arise like that anyway!) Sooooooo I gave him the ultimatum.... either move here to Kansas City with the family or I was divorcing him. Well..... bad mistake on my part. Of course, he moves and then requires this $200,000 truck and job change..... I have slept with this man ONCE count ONCE in the two years he has been here..... As I type this ..... I think I am watching a soap opera, but it is MY LIFE..... or it has been... So as you see..... the writing is on the wall and I have had enough. Men who are strangers in the elevator tell me how nice I look, etc., ask me on dates.... want to be with me..... why can't my DH????? I think I know the answer :( I do deserve more from a spouse or none at all....

heykim · #**175** 04-01-2005, 11:08 PM

*whew*... ho leeeee COW!!! dang woman..... *shaking my head *... that is SOME life you have been dealing with... maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan...
i know it will be hard to believe coming from me... but i am SPEECHLESS... i have no CLUE what that must feel like...
i HAVE felt that "ohmygod something is going on* feeling9with my ex)... but it was NOTHING like what you describe...

it IS hard to let go... hope springs eternal and all that ROT! but dang lady.... you need to move on for YOUR sake... but also for your CHILDRENS sake..(even the older ones) ... to set an example of what a healthy relationship IS and what it ISNT..

that was the bottom line with me...

texanflowr · #**176** 04-02-2005, 12:16 AM

Hey Kim....... you are always the words of encourgement and WISDOM for me... yeah, you are right.... I moved on with my first ex after too long of a time, and now I have been doing the same thing with this DH. I do love him.. that is the SAD part... but it is extremely unhealthy for me, and needless to say.... my children. Strange thing is with my DH now....... we NEVER argue... it is the silent words that kill ya..... but I have firmly decided this life is not for me. I would far rather be alone..... which....... basically, I already am. However, I AM NOT going to let this episode or saga in my life derail my success in my new found healthy lifestyle..... I will not ....... (saying that ten times to myself).

Thank you, as always for stopping in. You are my inspiration.... you have been for four months now ....... I would have given up long ago had I not read your journal and know you CAN do this if you give it 100%....... somedays it is 150% Thanks Kim!

BrattyChelle · #**177** 04-02-2005, 12:34 AM

I just wish I could squeeze you right now!!!

heykim · #**178** 04-02-2005, 01:56 AM

rhonda... yeah... i am sure that it being a SECOND husband makes it even HARDER on you... harder on ALL of you... its difficult to envision anything working out after that... but BELIEVE me .. things DO get better.. there IS a happy ending... someone out there IS made for you... and there ARE worse things than being on your own... heck.. you are seeing THAT right now!

spring is coming.. a time for renewel and new beginnings... time to clear out the clutter and old worn out things that bog you down......

fresh starts.. new directions...

yeah... spring ... its TIME ...

happiness and a refreshed spirit are right around the corner... if only you take the time to make the journey...

my favorite movie line? YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR STARS! ... okay.. maybe its just because the kid in the movie is a little hotie..*LOL*...
but i believe you can...

will you?

(((((((((((rhonda)))))))))))))))

Rob · #**179** 04-02-2005, 09:17 AM

Rhonda - Sounds like it's definitely time to move on. You deserve way better!

texanflowr · #**180** 04-02-2005, 12:33 PM

Sitting here catching up with my friends and drinking my beloved coffee... Thanks to all of you for your encouragement..... can tell I am going to need all of that the next couple of months..... Wish I didn't still love him, but I do. I think, perhaps, it is more what I used to see and believe in him than the present tense, so must look at it that way, or I will be back on my Zolft again, which I truly do not wish to do.... so many side effects for me on that stuff and then having to ween yourself off of it....

Going to go to the nursery today and buy some flowers. Planted my tulip magnolia tree last weekend .... always wanted one of those, and now I have one... was costly, but it was a vision I have always had.... watching my OWN tulip magnolia bloom each spring... its tiny now, but ONE DAY....

It's simply beautiful here this morning... fed the birds some bread this morning that were on my back deck..... such a treat to see all the beautiful birds making their way back home from the long cold winter... Going to try to walk at least three miles today.... that's my goal anyway..... It's such a beautiful day, I will have no excuse not to.

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