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BrattyChelle · #**181** 04-02-2005, 01:16 PM

Rhonda....just remember to love yourself as much as you love him, or the memory of what he was like. Never give anyone the power to take that away!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))

Your tree sounds beautiful....I'm sure you'll treasure the many blooms it will produce! When you go walking today, take the time to notice the beautiful things around you....and appreciate the care you're giving yourself

texanflowr · #**182** 04-02-2005, 08:57 PM

Thanks Knowles.... very wise words... I need to commit those to heart!

Just brewed some sugar cane green tea.... no sugar in it of course, but just peppermint oil or something like that. It's good... even used a package of splenda in it cause I deserve a treat today! Breakfast was Maggie Cereal.... with a little bit of the DaVinci's Macadamia Nut in it.... and one tablespoon of cream... It was delightful

Lunch was spinach bread with 1 ounce of pepperjack and a grilled chicken breast (4 ounces). Thought about getting some of my mix veggies with l/c cheese sauce out for a mid-afternoon snack, but decided against it. Will just wait until dinner and have a few more calories and carbs to play with. Lost two pounds this week, so on track and doing good..... Guess that makes up for no pounds lost last week. Haven't had nearly enough water today as been out shopping. Did buy a diet pepsi cause I was at Target and dying of thirst .... should have opted for a bottled water, but oh well... Been sooooo long since I have had a diet coke or pepsi that I savored each swallow

Also bought a nice bird feeder and some bird seed while I was there. Now, if I can just figure out which tree I wanna hang it from...... Already have two nesting bird houses in the front yard, so maybe the back yard where the other birds won't bother the babies...

Uninspired to make dinner today, but I guess I must....... won't be too thrilling cause I am not in the mood to be a gourmet cook tonight for DH. Maybe just make him hamburger helper *evil grin*

heykim · #**183** 04-02-2005, 10:08 PM

it is important because you HAVE children... that you DO remember the good things about your husband... and the good times you shared.... it is EQUALLY important to NOT let those memories cloud what you know now in your heart....;-)

enjoy your coffee.... enjoy the walk.... and take a pic of that tree... so that we ALL can see its growth.... right along with what we witness of yours...

texanflowr · #**184** 04-02-2005, 11:20 PM

Hey Kim

Yes, you also always have words of wisdom for me. I truthfully am trying not to be bitter against DH... I must work harder on that I know. Thank you... Do have to get my digi cam in motion and take pictures of my beautiful little magnolia tree. Also need to take some new pictures of me since I have lost the weight.... sure there is quiet a difference and maybe I can see that in pictures. I dont see all the weight loss, but everyone else does... and had to buy new clothes... and the scale says I have, so maybe pictures will be the key for my realization. Pictures were what made me realize how out of control my weight had really become. I know out of depression the last couple of years I had not been taking care of myself... Now I do, and if nothing else, that makes this all worth while.

I do so what to enjoy my grandchildren like you do Kim.... and if I do not take care of myself.... well.... by the time my children decide to have their own and the little ones are old enough, I won't be able to be active and enjoy them... So this WOL with exercise is very important and I will not allow my own depression to cloud the way again. Thinking I will have to make an appointment to see my doctor and get my anti-depressants again :( I so do not want to do that, but I can feel the heavy cloud above my head now....... Sometimes, one can just not do it alone....

heykim · #**185** 04-02-2005, 11:51 PM

i can empathize with you on the struggle rhonda... i have been fighting the urge to start the celexa again... i HATED the bad dreams i had while getting off it...
i didnt get any GOOD feelings from taking it... but i sure didnt have the CRYING jags when i didnt...:-( i think i cried every nite the year my mom passed away... so i guess i should be thankful for the help i go by taking the celexa....i just DONT want to do it again...
that being said... i KNOW sometimes there is a need for it... and you have every right to see your doctor to discuss it....

i am so glad that my knee got hurt..*L* rrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiight... but actually... if i HADNT thought my weight was the problem i couldnt pick up the baby or carry him... ect.. ect... i probably wouldnt have EVER started LCing... *L*.. i was SURE it was my weight with the knee.. so i put off getting it fixed for a year or so...*L*... bad.. bad.. bad..
but now my knee is great... my breathing while walking with the baby is great... and i dont EVER want to feel like i did just before starting LC...

(thank you GEORGE STELLA!!!)

i cant wait to see new pics of ya...

huskersfan869 · #**186** 04-03-2005, 01:54 AM

Sounds like it may well be time to move on. You do deserve more than that in a marriage...much more.

You are doing great on the eating and weight loss part of it for you though! Keep it up!

texanflowr · #**187** 04-03-2005, 06:18 PM

Thanks Lori... I appreciate you stopping by. I visit your Journal often for inspiration. I appreciate the honesty.

Went to the nursery again today..... going to bring the forest into my back yard apparently. Bought a Colorado Blue Spruce...... now have to plant it :( Didn't realize it was soooo big until I tried to get it in the back of the Tbird, but finally got it in

Now to dig the hole, which has to be three times wider than the ball of the tree... thinking that will be my exercise for the day! It is such a beautiful day out there so will be a pleasure to be outside anyway. Drinking 32 ounces of water now and then on to my outside activiites! Breakfast was a two egg omelet with bacon and cheese and my beloved coffee. Probably no lunch since breakfast was so late. Will eat plenty of veggies for dinner tonight tho. Hope everyone who takes the time to read my journal is having a great weekend. Will come and visit yours later this evening after my tasks are completed

BrattyChelle · #**188** 04-03-2005, 08:57 PM

I'd love to see pics of these trees you keep planting!!!

I agree with everyone else hon...you deserve so much more than you are getting. We're here for ya in the meantime

gregg · #**189** 04-04-2005, 12:09 AM

Hey Rhonda,

Just wanted to drop in and tell ya I think you are doing awesome! Thanks for the pork roast recipe!
Did you get your tree planted? What a beautiful day eh?
I've been on and off antidepressants (off now) for a number of years. Prozac, anafranil, fluoxine(sp?) wellbutrin, and a few others I can't remember. Like Kim, I never noticed any GOOD feelings as a result of taking them, but in retrospect, I guess they did help me get thru some rough times. (At least I DID get thru them) I've been reluctant to go back to taking them again. But I wouldn't hesitate if I was feeling as poorly as I have at times in the past.
Sorry you are going thru this rough time (((((((Rhonda))))))

texanflowr · #**190** 04-04-2005, 04:33 PM

Hey Cute Mailman

Thanks for stopping by! Yeah, got tree no. 2 planted yesterday.... boy was that a job! Pine needles are sharp too! Thanks for asking.... Now, if I can only keep it alive

I always appreciate everyone's words of encouragement and support.... somehow, I am gonna get through all of this again!

Breakfast was cereal with a couple of strawberries and splenda. Can't get used to loosing an hour this weekend, so it was VERY late. Lunch was tuna salad with 1 tablespoon mayo, boiled egg and a couple of green olives. Had the egg/tuna salad with a few veggie chips. They tasted like cardboard.... but needed something different for a change. Said 9 carbs for a serving, but had half of that. Forcing the water again today. Find I end up loosing weight if I drink as I am supposed to..... imagine that! It's a beautiful day outside, but I am only seeing it from the 21st floor.... great view... just wish I were out there enjoying it!

BrattyChelle · #**191** 04-04-2005, 11:22 PM

Hey ladyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...you're doing great!!! Don't forget those veggies

texanflowr · #**192** 04-05-2005, 12:16 AM

awwwwwwww so nice that you stopped by Knowles......... I have been SO NEGLIGENT in posting with all my friends :( I think I am on a pitty trip, but that is soon to end. I hope all is well for you. I am not going to allow my personal life to derail my success...... things are tense here in the household, so if I don't post often, just know I am thinking about each one of you!

huskersfan869 · #**193** 04-05-2005, 01:19 AM

Thinking about you...take care of you...my prayers are with you as you deal with this "mess" at home! Do what is best for you because a happy set of aprents even if they aren't necessarily in teh same house is best for the kids too!

LessRenee · #**194** 04-05-2005, 01:57 PM

Hey, there is still money on that gift certifcate from DH, lets go to the spa!!

heykim · #**195** 04-05-2005, 10:20 PM

rhonda... sorry you still have the tense house.. but it will straighten out soon...;-)
it IS kinda nifty that doing something as SIMPLE as getting alot of water in can make THAT much of a difference... its comes as second nature to me now...

i have to agree with the mailman... if ya NEED something.. ya do what ya gotta do... making it through to the other side so you are around healthy so you CAN bi*ch and moan about taking the crap later is worth it eh? ;-)

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