Thread: Darlin's Doodles......Continued

I'm really trying hard not to become cold and cynical towards love and relationships due to all this, but it's very hard.

I know what you're talking about, and I know exactly how you feel. I won't waste space in your journal with a diatribe about how I coped with the loss of my kids, and how that factored in to forging new relationships. You know how to contact me if you ever need someone who has been there and done that.

My heart soared when I found out that you and Elana were reunited. How lucky and blessed you are. I do not envy you what may lie ahead concerning legalities about this entire situation. Again, been there, done that. Not pretty.

May the roads you travel in life be less turbulent than they have been. Think good thoughts and remember that there really is good in most people.

And there's always hope....no matter how dire the situation.

((hugs)) to you and yours...

Good thoughts being sent your way Michelle! That is an absolutely beautiful baby.

Thinking of you, Michelle....

What a sweetheart! She looks like she's weathered the storm pretty well. I'm thankful you are together again. It is beyond my imagination what I would do if I were ever separated from my children. You (and April) have been through Hell and back. When dh and I went on vacation last year and I left my son with my mom at the airport, I cried like a baby. And I was only leaving him for a week - with someone I trusted!

Just a thought, I get angry when I look at your screen name. It's honoring your hubby who took away your baby.

Anyway - enjoy your day.

Yeah Emily.....I too get a bad feeling when I read it only because it is who I once was, not who I am now. I don't know how to go about getting it changed without totally reregistering under a new name.

Michelle - we can change your name if you'd like. PM me.

Michelle - per your request, your user name is now BrattyChelle.

Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh thanks!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle, love your new name! As April said, there is good in most people in life, but it does take a VERY long time to trust someone with your heart again... I still haven't been able to do that. Elana is simply beautiful and looks like she is adjusting well after her "venture". You might think of doing something legally to get custody of her so this will not happen again. As you now know, there is nothing you can do if he decides to do this again without having at least temporary custody of her through the courts. You might think about at least filing for a separation..... and requesting the judge award temporary custody of Elana to you.... that way, you would not have to go through the torment you did most recently. Also, you can ask for child support at that time.... While I know it is difficult to think about, sometimes we have to force ourself to do so. Not giving you legal advice, just speaking as a mother who has been there before........ and learned the HARD way.

I love the new nick, Michelle! When I first went on-line, I was known as BratGirl or BrattyOne! Brats are the BEST!

Take a deep breath, enjoy having the baby back, and then find a way to protect yourself and your child from her being taken away again. And while you're at it... give yourself a HUGE PAT on the back for continuing to do what is right for YOU.

{{{{{ Michelle }}}}} I hope you have a great day!

Thanks ladies....I use this name several places so it's more "me".

As for protecting myself....there is no legal separation in Florida. You are either married or divorced, no inbetween is available legally. HOWEVER, on the urging of a few lawyers and friends, we have come up with an agreement in writing that stipulates me as the custodial parent with custody, his visitation rights, child support and it's due date monthly, the fact I get to claim her on taxes and a few other things. It has been signed by us both and by a notary which makes it a binding contract that will be observed in court should something go wrong and it be needed. It's the only option with us separated and not filing for divorce at this time.

Michelle, I do so hope things will work out for you in one way or the other and you can find peace. I know you are just grateful that Elana is finally home. Perhaps, in time, things will work out for you and Knowles. You have my best wishes on whichever avenue you choose. Thinking of you!

I'm glad that you found a way to protect yourself and Elana from this happening again. I hope that things work out in the manner that is best for you

Just have to remember that best for us isn't always the way we want them to be!

Not having a good few days...

I miss Knowles, I miss talking to him...I hate feeling like he can't stand the sound of my voice. I have gotten past the anger of our situation and am stuck in the hurt and betrayal...which only leads me to want to talk to him about it all, which he'll have nothing to do with. Part of me wishes I could find a way to simply realize it's over and move on...and if he chooses to then talk, see what happens. Instead I find myself holding on hoping he'll want to talk or come home.

It breaks my heart to watch Elana trying all these new things lately, knowing he'll never see them for the first time. I grew up without my dad and I never wanted that for her...nor can I understand how he willingly forfeits these times with her. He could have easily stayed in town with a friend instead of going to a different state...therefore being a part of her life, but chooses not to. That's the part that I can't wrap my mind around. I know how hard it was for me that month without her, and that wasn't by my choice....I can't imagine choosing it when there are other options. I always gained so much joy of watching him, watch her...I truly hurt for him that he's missing these times in her life as she grows.

I know this is just a bad few days as she continues to battle her ear infections...I think I may be developing bronchitis...and woke to the dog having bloody diarrhea. Top that with only 3-4 hours of sleep a night due to being sick, and it's starting to frazzle my emotions. I feel so overwhelmed by everything sometimes....it's hard being left with so many responsibilities you shared with someone that claimed they loved you, only to leave you and all the financial commitments...while walking out on the biggest commitments of their lives. Sometimes I wonder if he is intentionally setting me up for failure bo emotionally and financially so he can take Elana and end it once and for all. I never thought he was capable of it, but anymore I don't know him at all...and I guess in the end, that is what hurts the most and what I don't understand...was I that hard of a person to deal with that he couldn't even be honest with me over the last 3 years? Or was he unable to be honest with himself and chose to take me, and my children, along for a ride that he decided was over?