Thread: Back On-Track Again

Tom, I think you and all the children are having a difficult time adjusting to a new life.... even though it was forced upon each of you. It will even out.... trust me.... I went through the dark cloud myself and there is a rainbow at the end. I am more content today than I was a year ago..... it wasn't the way I had planned my life, but still in all it is a better life knowing that at least........ I PICK MY OWN DIRECTION..... You are in my thoughts.

I stopped by the house to pick up a few things. Lucky for me Liz was gone at the Lawyer. Probably planning how good they are gonna stick it to me.

I was a baaaad boy. I picked up my small refrigerator to use here. But I also took the opportunity to take some of the supplies that I had bought for Liz over the weekend, while she was stringing me along. I dunno if she will even notice. These are things I can use over here.

I got a call from Cyndi today. She said that Liz told her that I kept brining up the "landmine" issue that I stepped on last week. Not I. She kept dwelling on it. Typical, she has been lying all over the place. I'm just staying away and no contact. She can't blame be for nothing then. Well I guess that won't stop her.
It was funny, last week my counselor explained to me that one of my problems was that a ration thinking person cannot deal with an irrational person. They play by different rule books. So I'm trying not to take any of this bull she is shoveling too much to heart. Only thing that matters now is what she will be asking for. Assets, and alimony. We can't do anything until they make the first proposal.

Another day... I ate plenty yesterday. I can see just a little edging up to the high side of the 215 mark. I have to watch what I eat again as I start to regain my appetite.
Tonight is the 1st night of my self-improvement seminar. Starts at 530 and ends at midnight. I expect to be home at about 1am. Then get up at 5. I'm told by all that attend that there will be relaxation techniques taught that will allow for us to not be run down. I'm really looking forward to this. I need to put all the negative Crap behind me. The only thing left as far as the divorce goes is the lawyers to decide how much of my guts they will cut out for alimony. I'm looking to be able to move back in within 4 weeks. My 1st task to use about 2 gallons of clorox spray cleaner and disinfect the house. I have pictures of what I was living in for conditions. I would never post them here. They would gross you out. Ahh but enough about the past... I'm looking towards the future and what it will bring for me as an individual. I will be free of the bonds that have held me for many many years.

Everybody have a Great Day!!

Tom, glad you are sounding more upbeat..... I am sorry you had to live in such deplorable conditions in your home. A home should be a place you "enjoy" and want to spend time in. At least, you will have it the way you want it to be and at least you will be retaining the home; that is a big plus.

I hope you enjoy your seminar!

Well, Tom, looks like your path has been made for you, and singlehood is your new road. Look at it as an adventure, with new destinations for you to explore.

It's nice to hear that you aren't bitter (you probably are, but the last few posts don't show it, just relief knowing what's happening). It's nice that you are getting the house, and are going to fix it up to suit you. Stick by your determination to make your son toe the line, too. It will be only good for him.

Take care.

Hi Rhonda & Nita!
Yeah, I'm getting more focused on the idea of "cleaning up" my life. And it does NOT include a disfunctional relationship. There is still quite a bit of bitterness here. I'm just focusing my energy forward at this time. I'm sure that when I get the hit from the lawyer on what they want for her half and alimony my bitterness level may increase. If all goes well with my new tool set then I should be able to handle it better than I have been.

I'm off to day 1 of the class riiiight now.
Have great night all!

One day at a time....

Made it through day 1 of the seminar. I'm a little tired today. Got home at 1230 and had to get up at 5am. But, I'm sure looking forward to doing day 2 tonight. :great:

What I got last night was very similar to other training that I've received in my life. The big difference is that I can actually use and implement these tools this time. In the past I would come home to my negative environment and all the positve energy would be drained from me in a matter of minutes.

I have a clean slate this time. NOT looking back. NOT dwelling on the past. Yes they are real experiences and they have made me the way I am. I need to learn and grow from that knowledge and move forward. Throwing away the damaged parts and expanding on the the good things.
I'm expecting to go through quite a journey over the next several days. And I'm doing it with open eyes.

Have a Wonderful Day!!

Today is day 4 of my class. WOW, has this been eye opening!
Each person has there own issues and reasons for being there. Mostly we are all looking for something to help us grow as a person. We each have goals in mind for what we want to get out of the class and affect our lives. I've gotten a look at my life through an all new pair of glasses. I will be just fine after the divorce.
I will be meeting Liz tonight after my last class to discuss how we can come out of this situation and still be friends. There is the capability of a WIN-WIN outcome here. Inside I've accepted my responsibility for the things that I've done and said throughout the sourse of this marriage. Speaking from my side... Even with the marital issues, Liz had been my BEST FRIEND. I would like to keep that alive.

One thing I'm offering to Liz tonight is for her to attend the next seminar on November 2nd. I will pay for it. I have no idea of how much she will get out the class. But I'm sure there will be some gains. Most everybody gets out what they put into it, 10 fold. IMHO

It looks like I may have to cancel the plans for TJ and I to ride that race in a few weeks. It seems that he got way out of hand with the text messaging on the cell phone. Including downloading. This came up to nearly $200. The money that would have been used for the entry fee will now have to be used to pay the cell phone bill. I will explain that it was his actions that are keeping us from the race. If he wants to still do it, he must come up with the money. Maybe he'll hit up mom or maybe he'll just blow it off. dunno.

On eat and weight side...
I gained 1 pound the other day. But was right back down this morning. Sitting at 214 today. I'm eating more now. Time to get back to portion control. And of course watch what I eat. The other night I had some awesome HOT Thai food for dinner before class. Yup I even ate the rice. Don't want to do that too often.

Have a Great Day!

Tom, glad things are going well for you. It is possible for the two of you to remain friends, as long as you both want that and respect each other's rights. My EXH and I have remained friends.... in fact, he is recouperating in my home at this point. Just because a marriage ends does not mean you still do not love and respect the person.

Sad about the cell phone bill. I have had a few of those with my kiddos and have threatened to stop paying their bills if it happens again. I finally ended up getting the text message bundle from Verizon and 1000 daytime minutes..... cheaper in the long run.

Have a great day and I hope things work out for you and Liz in your meeting tonight.

I just got home from my last class. Annnd a coffee meeting with Liz. She has so far agreed to: have her lawyer stall or put the divorce on hold until after the 1st of January for tax reasons, agreed to come to my graduation ceremony on Wednesday, and agreed to take the next session of the seminar. I think she saw some very positive influences in me tonight. I've asked her to go to the class with an open mind. During those 4 days she will learn quite a bit about her inner selve as well as tools to deal with issues. We will see after she has an assortment of personal tools as I do if we may yet try one more time to reconcile or continue the divorce and remain friends. I've gained/found the inner strength that I need to move on if that is the way it turns out. All OK. We had a great evening talking over things and issues. Some of these used to be landmines. Dunno if they weren't because of my newfound confidence and strength or her increased Prozac levels. My end mission is to end up as friends with Liz (married to her or not).

This has been the most positive life changing 4 days in my life.
I've uncovered things I never knew about myself. I will surely go to the advanced 7 day training at their ranch in Northern California. But that is on hold until this divorce is out of the way.
Have a great day!!

I spent today talking with family about past wrongs and things that have occurred. I spent about an hour on the phone with my mother. Asked some very interesting questions. Like "Why?" I have a new awareness about myself and how I have affected those around me. Later I spent about and hour with Liz, TJ and Cyndi just going over what I had done to the family and appologizing for the wrongs that I had done to all. Let me tell you there were tissues used in abundance. Several by me.

I want to move forward with my personal growth. My task at this time is to repair and develope relationships with my children. They deserve it. Liz has been very supportive of my efforts with the kids. She was taken back by the man that has returned from this class. It looks like Liz will attend the next session, in November. After that she will have a similar tool box to mine. At that time we can talk and see if there is anything left to salvage. If not then the goal will be to remain friends. And to get thru this divorce with a WIN-WIN result.
Good Night LCE.

Liz contacted her lawyer about stalling until January for completion. Apparently he was already shooting for that. He doesn't believe in inflicting that kind of damage on anybody. That is setting them up for a major hit from the IRS. Huh that is 1st time he has done anything that wasn't to stick it to me. Go figure.

Tom, glad you have a plan and it is working for you at this time. I keep you and your family in my thoughts as I know what toll divorce and/or separation takes on each family member.