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cgilson269 · #16 05-15-2006, 04:29 PM

ugggh.......
this weekend:

i ate too many/much:
NUTS
SF JELLO
FF/LC COOL WHIP

i ate/drank these things i should not have:
DARK CHOCOLATE
RED WINE

i did not eat/drink enough of these things:
VEGGIES
WATER

not a perfect weekend, but not the worst. back to the good stuff today ....

CarolynInTexas · #17 05-15-2006, 05:54 PM

it's ok (not really) you know what you should be doing and can hopefully next weekend be a little more careful... I too had a hard time weekend, ate some chocholate, ice cream, refried beans and real flour tortillas, but other than that, I did pretty good....lol

take care and lets both work toward a better next weekend!
c

cgilson269 · #18 05-17-2006, 02:18 PM

thanks, carolyn. i appreciate the support.

i am doing ok. i only did one week of P1 ... it just seems so restrictive to me now. i am following P2 - just adding a little brown rice and some air popped popcorn the other nite. sometimes i think i have unrealistic expectations, ya know? i was able to get my weight down quite low toward the end of last year - but i have to work SO hard to be that thin. it's just not natural, i guess. i'm weighing in around 138 right now and i'm 5'7" ... so that's healthy and looks fine on my frame. i'm starting to wonder if i'm chasing some sort of unrealistic, vain dream. i don't know ....

however, i DO know that i feel better when i follow SBD. so i will stick my plan for the overall positive effects - more energy, no processed foods, healthier, etc ......

ran 6 miles last nite and biked 15 mins of hard intervals. felt GOOD. also worked abs.

eating plan for today:
B: brown rice sushi
S: coffee and also ate a small piece of v dark chocolate
L: big salad w/ 2 boiled egg whites and large variety of veggies
S: nuts
D: chicken sausages? or more salad?

cgilson269 · #19 05-18-2006, 12:52 PM

yesteday went well. after work, i ran 6.15 miles, biked 15 mins, and lifted shoulder muscles. i had a school group conference call, so BF and i tivo-ed lost and watched it later. had a little lost "party" LOL. episode wasn't that good. not as good as grey's anatomy on mon nite!!

anyway, got up the morning and hit the gym, since i have class after work. biked for 60 mins (high intensity intervals), sweated like an animal! then ran a quick mile on the treadmill.

i have a big presentation to give this morning to the directors at work. wish me luck. if i do well, it will a nice "leg up" for me.

eating today:
B: veggie burgers
S: air popped pocorn (a little) and some coffee
L: salad w/ two boiled egg whites
S: nuts
D: chicken cacciatore (made it in the crockpot over nite and it smelled SO GOOD this morning!!!!)

cgilson269 · #20 05-19-2006, 03:23 PM

i had a really bad day yesterday. and today is not looking much better. this morning i slammed my hand in my dresser drawer, and then i could not get the d*mn drawer open to release my hand. my finger would not stop bleeding. :( i knew i should have stayed in bed today, LOL.

i'm feeling really down on myself lately. sometimes i just hate my body so much. sometimes i feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. i don't understand how someone who runs over 30 miles a week, bikes, lifts weights, constantly walks around this big city, and follows a healthy eating plan cannot be fitting into her clothes?!?! my pants all feel so snug and uncomfortable. my belly feels/looks swollen. WHAT am i doing wrong?! i drink my water, i eat my veggies, stick to lean meats, and only eat whole grains. i am so FRUSTRATED.

eating plan for today:
B: brown rice veggie sushi
S: coffee
L: big salad
S: nuts
D: going out w/ BF ... really need a nite out for some drinks (wine)

shannon575 · #21 05-21-2006, 11:50 AM

Hey Carrie,

I've read and reread your joural entry about 10 times. After I read it the first time, I went back and read my first journal from 2 years ago. I was shocked. As I read my first journal, I recognized for the first time that I was absolutely obsessed with my weight and as a result, was thinking about it all the time and hindering my happiness. Your last journal entry reminded me of it and even as I write this, I'm hesitant to tell you.

You are thin enough. You are 5'7 and running over 30 miles a week. You weigh, about 135 or so. Carrie, maybe if you just relaxed a tad and listened to your body, you'd realized that it's telling you, enough is enough. In Women's HEalth this month, they say that 65% of American women want to weigh 5 pounds less than their current weight. Maybe your body doesn't want you to lose any more weight. I know with the stress of school and living in a city (it DOES effect one's stress level), life can seem overwhelming at times. Try not to take it out on your weight. It may seem that weight is the only thing you can control - but your weight IS in control. You eat very healthy, you exercise all the time.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Here for you if you need it!

cgilson269 · #22 05-22-2006, 01:22 PM

shannon, thanks so much for that post. i think it's what i needed to hear, and at just the right time. you are such a great support, thank you.

confession time. as i mentioned, last week was a BAD week. BF and i didn't do much on friday nite. kind of got into an argument, which put a damper on our evening. saturday i was running around all day - errands, shopping, working out, and treated myself to an AWESOME massage! and then BF and i went to a party (for my MBA program). we had a great time!! mingled w/ lots of my school friends, etc. i had three vodka/diet 7ups over a three-hour span. for whatever reason, they hit me HARD. i woke up sunday morning feeling MISERABLY sick. had to drag myself to a wedding shower ... ugggh. i felt awful all day and i'm still not even feeling all that well today!! MY OWN FAULT. and since i was feeling sick yesterday (not making excuses), i ate off plan at the wedding shower.

i am back on track today. TONS OF WATER, for sure. moving on.

shannon575 · #23 05-22-2006, 01:42 PM

Yeah, it's a tons and tons of water day for me too. Attack of the nachos last night. Damn, and after a weekend of being sooooo good!!

At least you had fun this weekend!!!! that's great!!!

cgilson269 · #24 05-24-2006, 03:57 PM

i am doing ok, not great. sorta back on track. not much of an appetite. i am just feeling a little down lately.

my mom came to visit me downtown yesterday ... we had wanted to go see the horses run at the racetrack, but there weren't any live races yesterday. so i decided to take her to the city to show her where i go to school and then take her to the museum of contemporary art (she went to school way back when for art/graphic design).

she has been having a hard time lately (just got promoted at work and her father's health is really bad, so she has been driving back and forth to cincinnati on her days off) ... so i just wanted her to have a special day. we did have a great time together - but she accidentally locked her keys in her car (so we had to sit and wait for an hour for AAA to show up) and then later she stumbled and fell down on the sidewalk and hurt her hip. it was so sad ... i hate it when she seems weak or vulnerable. i felt SO responsible when she fell down ... i felt like these bad things never would have happened if i hadn't asked her to come to the city. i look up to her - i am an only child and she is my very best friend ... and i hate to see her aging in front of me. it makes me so sad. i don't know what i'd do without her.

uggggh, sorry to go on and on like a crazy person - but it was an emotional day. even though we had a great time talking and spending time together, i feel bad that it was not the "perfect" day for her. :(

god i need a vacation or something. life just seems like too much to handle right now. i just don't seem to care about anything lately. i didn't even shower for work today. no makeup or anything. so what, who cares??

my eating has not been perfect, but not bad. and i had a really good workout yesterday, so i guess that's a plus ....

anyway, just needed to vent.

eating plan for today:
B: 2 garden burgers and a string cheese
S: coffee and piece of dark chocolate (small)
L: big salad
S: nuts?
D: garbanzo bean dish

shannon575 · #25 05-25-2006, 12:59 PM

Carr -- take a vacation if you need it. Can you take tomorrow off and then it'll be a 4 day weekend?? you sound mentally exhausted. rest and relax!!!

Is TOM coming soon?

cgilson269 · #26 05-26-2006, 01:56 PM

hi shannon, thanks for stopping by. YES, TOM is coming in just a few days. you are a smart lady

... i never put two and two together ... as i get older, i get more and more EMOTIONAL right before stupid TOM. good call.

i can't really afford to take a vacation right now .... i have the available days, but i need to save them for exam time, etc. but at least it is a long weekend (although i have to work on my marketing final exam, barf) ... and i will be done w/ this quarter on 6/8. then i'm off from school for a month. that should help w/ my sanity, LOL.

i'm feeling just ok .... yesterday was crazy. i was up at the crack of dawn to drop BF at the train station, squeeze in a six mile run at the gym, then got ready at the gym and drove to the suburbs for a work training course. sat in a classroom all day learning about a new data warehouse tool, then jumped in my car, drove back to the city, picked BF up from the train, dropped him off, and rushed downtown for nite class. sat through three hours of school, then changed my clothes, drove home and picked up BF, then went to dinner. (going out for dinner/drinks was supposed to be a "relaxing" end to the day, but it just seemed to add more stress, LOL!) by the time we got home, i could barely undress myself for bed. overslept this morning, didn't shower or put on any makeup for work again. oh well. leaving early today. i'll squeeze in a workout after work, then might meet up w/ friends or BF.

eating has not been perfect. but i'm trying. today's plan:
B: gardenburgers w/out bun
S: dark chocolate piece and coffee w/ skim
L: salad
S: nuts
D: ??

gregg · #27 05-27-2006, 01:18 AM

Hi Carrie,

I just thought I'd stop in and say hi to my work out buddy. Sorry you are under a lot of stress right now. Dang woman, you are one busy gal!

Couldn't help but notice a couple of things about your menu. Where's the beef? Seriously, are you getting any protein? Are you getting enough calories? Are you feeling tired, worn down and burnt out? Could be the food, or lack thereof. Just a thought.

Poor Cubs, I can't bear to watch any more, it's just too painful, and embarrasing!

heykim · #28 05-30-2006, 05:47 PM

((((((((((((carrie)))))))))))))))))))
check yer p.m. box..

cgilson269 · #29 06-01-2006, 02:56 PM

hey kim! thanks so much for the kind message ... meant so much to me. i will PM you later today.

gregg, thanks for stopping by! you have a good point about the lack of meat/protein in my diet. it's something i had not even noticed. i am going to make it a priority .... thanks!

anyway, life has been crazy and my eating has been HORRID. i admit it .... i have not been on plan. i am really trying though. i am keeping up w/ my workouts. i ran over 50 miles in the last week. but i know exercise is not enough.....
i'll get there, i just have to get focused.

cgilson269 · #30 06-02-2006, 05:49 PM

ok, so today has been a little better ...
B: 2 gardenburgers
S: coffee and low sugar protein bar
L: salad w/ some hummus on the side. wasn't very appetizing, so i did not finish it.
S: couple of peaunt M&M's (i know, i know ... i said i was TRYING!

)
D: grilled chicken and veggies, i think.

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