OK. I've decided to start a journal. I tend to share parts of what's going on in my life in the various challenge threads I participate in, and have now realized that a Journal thread would be much more appropriate. I can keep some of my ranting and raving (and waxing philisophical) out of the other threads, and I'm sure many will be pleased.

So where to start?

Day 1 of journaling, Day 1 of induction (again). That's a statement in itself. I've found that I haven't discovered the magic formula for me to get to OWL. I go from induction to maintenance (but at least I don't gain it back so far). I'm going to re-read the book again. I know I focused mostly on induction when I read it last. OWL seemed so far away that I just skimmed through that part.

How did I do today? Not bad for someone coming off a very dangerous binge. I've been allowing myself treats for about a month but still maintaining because I was still doing some LC. I decided to get back on plan last week, but then let my rebellious side talk me into a crazy carb week. Spagetti, submarine sandwich, nachos, pizza, garlic bread, chips, ice cream. I was absolutely sick by Saturday.

So, stop the madness, and take a reality check.

I woke up today with new resolve. I went shopping for all of the right food and I destroyed most of the nasty stuff (left some junk for my ds). My resolve waivered off and on all day. I talked myself out of cheating (what's one more day...I'll start tomorrow) several times. But I stuck with it! I feel better already, both physically because I'm not stuffed and mentally because I'm not as weak as I let myself think (I am the master of negative self-talk).

Baby steps, girl. Just make 3 days and you know you'll feel better. Make a week and you know the scales will move. But you have to make it. No more waiting for tomorrow.

Today:
B: None (this is not the way to start)
L: 2 oz turkey, 1/2 c cottage cheese, 1 dill pickle
S: 1/2 cucumber w/ ranch, 1 string cheese
D: 2 roasted chicken drumsticks, 1 cup spinach, 2 oz cheddar

Exercise:
9 holes w/ cart (consider walking next time)

Water:
64 oz (need to double this)


I can do better, and I will. (Add eggs and greens. Consider less dairy.)
Overall, not a bad start. The weekend was good for me. I needed the break to get myself back in control. Tomorrow I will hit the ground running and I just need to remember not to let it get to me. These crazy hours and deadlines make it hard to keep a schedule. Without structure, I'm toast. I'll keep the rest of the whining about my out-of-control life for later and end on this positive note. I made it through today!

Hmmm. Had a bit of a breakdown yesterday.

After a very tough day at work, where I fought tears all day long, I stopped at K-Mart to purchase a calculater for my DS. The K-mart here has the absolute worst service and they didn't disappoint me. It was too bad that I was coming from such a rotten work day. I had a total breakdown right there in the store and my son still doesn't have the calculator he needs for class today.

After my public display, I came home and had the dinner I planned: Chicken drumstick, salad, and sugar-free jello. But I wasn't done with my breakdown....I found some nasty chips that I bought for DS. I managed to stop after 2 handfuls, but I was so ticked at myself (and the world). I felt sorry for myself and cried for hours and now I'm finally over it.

I knew that maintaining a healthy WOE eating would be hard for me right now due to the stress factors going on. I thought I had prepared myself for it, but I still have a way to go.

I really need to get control of things, or find a way to just let it go.

Work- multiple projects with ambitious deadlines. I'm in over my head and feeling incompetent. Working 12-15 hour days and seem to be spinning my wheels. I feel the entire burden is on my shoulders to make these projects work. I allow others to shift their burdens to me on top of my own. There is a whole team of people working on this, so why do I think it's my sole responsibility to make it work? I need to escalate this before it affects my job and my health.

Home - DH is working out of town for a month, so I pick up the things that he always does so graciously for our family - laundry, dishes, garbage, lawn, groceries, everything.... I've always said that when he goes on these jobs, it is good for our relationship because it forces me to appreciate him so much more. Not just for the housework, but for how he keeps our home running. I had him home all summer and got spoiled again. Now I have to learn to balance work and home again (but they are both overwhelming right now).

DS moved back home after I finally got used to the empty nest. He's 19, enough said.

Stop whining! Others have it so much worse. I have a loving family, my health, and a job. I have so much to be thankful for.

So, how will I cope today? I've packed my LC lunch and have my LC dinner planned. I will make it through today with grace and dignity (no more public tears). I am a strong, bright person and I will not allow myself to think otherwise...off to the battle zone.

Hi angie! Here in the journals we live to read other people's rants. glad you started one. SOunds like you lead a stressful life right now. You need to find a way to let go at work and trust people to do the work delegated. I know how hard that is. I used to take everything on myself when i was supervisor in a bank.

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my blog

Hi Woodin....Here's wishing you a better day today. I've had a few of those public breakdowns myself.....I'm sure you will make it through with grace and dignity...Have a great day

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Vickie

Thanks Rob and Vickie. No rants today. I got up for conference call at 7am and never did get off the phone so I'm still in my jammies! I just logged off after 13 hours and I have a call with my associate in Japan in an hour.


I love working from home. Once in a while it's good to go in to the office. but I was too crabby to go back this week;-)

I just realized that tomorrow is already Friday! Woo-hoo!

Even though I know I'll work all weekend, at least it's on my terms and no one else will be around to bug me. Maybe I'll even get caught up! Nah.....