Day one.... of the rest of my life....

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Well, how do I expect to lose weight if I keep doing the same things over and over?

Well, instead of focusing on what I don't want, I need to focus on what I do want:

• I am in the process of weighing 135 pounds.
• I am an active, healthy woman that exercises five times a week
• I run five miles every morning and I go to the gym at lunchtime
• I make healthy low carb meals every day for my family
• I have so much energy that I get everything done on my To Do List daily
• I have a beautiful home with fresh flowers and clean linens everywhere. My home is open to all my friends and family.
• I have happily paid all my creditors and have extra money in savings for a rainy day
• My circle of friends are happy, healthy, ambitious, balanced, fun-loving, intelligent people that I love and respect and trust
• I inspire others to become the person that they have always dreamed of being

I've let my life spiral so out of control. Up until meeting Chris, I was in such a controlled environment, that springing out of it, I feel like I deserved to do and have anything I want. Now I am paying the consequences.

I drank too much. I spent too much. I allowed drugs to be OK. I allowed my husband to destroy this house because I trusted him. I ate too much and whatever I wanted.

Sometimes, restrictions are good. Limits are good.

I just want to have the energy and enthusiasm to get up at five am and go for a run. I want this renovation done so that all I have to do is dust and vacuum and tidy up once a week, instead of leaving the house for months at a time because the dirt is so caked on, that what's the point in cleaning? I just want to be able to stay on a budget and have cash in the bank to buy a pair of shoes or go for a haircut, instead of living off of my credit card.

I need to change my reality!

So, today is DAY ONE OF THE REST OF MY NEW LIFE!

I am going to cut out all my friends that are partyers - why would I want to hang around people that can't have a conversation with me without having alcohol or drugs around? Why would I want to be like that? Why would I want my daughter to have a mother who is a loser like that?

By setting that example, perhaps my husband will respect me more. Maybe he'll stop drinking and doing drugs. Maybe he'll start doing something about this house. Maybe he'll be the husband I deserve. Or maybe my self worth will rise up to a point where I'm going to realize I deserve to be loved and respected and treated well and my daughter deserves a father that is present and worthy and a role model. Maybe I'm going to gain the strength to leave.

All I know is that starting today, its just going to get better. Its got to get better.

The fact that I've lost control of my eating is just a reflection of how I've lost control of everything else. So, by losing weight, ultimately it is a sign to me that tells me that if I can do this, I can also get my debts paid down, I can start exercising regularly, I can get a room finished in my home that is worthy of having friends come over and sit down and enjoy.

So, here's a thought - if losing weight is a stepping stone for other successes in my life, then if I pay down a debt, will it make losing weight easier? Quite likely. Because just the FEELING of being successful in one area of my life will trickle into all areas of my life.

I can do this! Baby steps, focus and commitment! Plan to succeed and plan for what to do when temptation is there. For example, no more Tim Hortons! Right now, it is too hard to say no to the food there, so just don't step foot in that place!

If it takes three weeks to create a new habit, then I am going to stay on induction for three weeks. Excpt for December 15 - my staff Xmas Party - just that one day - then back on!

OK! I am excited about what is about to happen! Most importantly, I look forward to being happy and proud and healthy and hopeful again.

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

Well, hello again Niki!!! And how is the adorable miss Sydney (I think that's her name!) I was just wondering about you the other day when I saw your preg pic on the photo banner. Sounds like you have been doing a lot of soul searching, in more ways than just weight loss. You seem ready to head in a different direction in your life, and I applaud you. Change takes courage, and I wish you all the best!

Kelly

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Kelly
Highest recorded weight: 103.2kg/227.04lbs (03/15/08)
Current: 97kg/213.4lb-13.64
Goal:150
"Resensitizing myself to the urgency and severity of my weight problem is important in keeping myself motivated. I have to remind myself that my body will not tolerate this abuse forever." Jeannette Fulda, aka PastaQueen

Thanks Kelly! Its great to be back.

Yes, I have been digging deeper than just beyond the surface. There are underlying reasons why food is my best friend, and I need to unveil the painful truths and deal with what needs to be dealt with.

1 Cor. 15:33 says - Bad associations spoil useful habits. Before I met my husband 10 years ago, I used to get up at 5:30 am and run 5-7 km every morning. I hardly drank (I actually preferred a Diet Coke to a glass of wine). Drugs were disgusting. I ate healthy. I had friends that were kind and loving and wholesome. We did dinner parties and camping trips and picnics on the beach. Then I met my husband, the "bad boy", the one your parents don't want to meet. Don't get me wrong, he is fun and smart and provocative and attractive. But his seedy lifestyle was more of what I was curious about. So I got caught up in it.

He moved me away from my family, to be closer to his, which was fine. But moving to a new province with no friends or family is lonely. Add to that a husband who is independent and introverted (ironically, since he is a bartender, and an excellent one, but when he comes home, he doesn't want to talk to anyone or do anything) and I was left with noone but myself. So I started making new friends, usually in social situations like bars and restaurants, the eating and drinking became my way of life. Then I started doing drugs, because my husband does it, so either I judge him and make him feel inferior, or I come to his level and find one thing in common that we can do together. Nice.

I got pregnant in 2003 (as you know) and cleaned up my act 100% - no temptations, no distractions. In fact, the day I found out I was pregnant was the last time I ever had a cigarette - so that's one bad habit I was able to knock off. But once Sydney was born, the drinking and partying came back. I wasn't breastfeeding, so it didn't affect her. My girlfriend would come over and we would put baby to bed, then party all night. In hindsight, it is pretty disgusting, but at the time, I thought "see? I can have it all!"

So, now my next step is no more drugs, which has been one month of nothing, and I have been feeling depressed, but that's because of the withdrawal and the fact that my seratonin levels have been severely depleted. I've stopped hanging around with my "friends" so as to not be put in a tempting situation, so I have been lonely. What else to do to make myself feel better but to eat?

Thus, I have gained 10+ pounds this month. But it has been for a good cause. I can - and WILL - lose it.

I'm going to start journaling for my own sanity and for support from the community. If my experience can help someone else, in addition to helping myself, it will all be worth it.

So, thank you so much for thinking of me! It is an honour that we had such a great thread about pregnancy that we now have it posted as a keeper thread! Sydney is over two now, and she is my everything. Even entering the "Terrific Twos" she just brings me so much joy every day.

Well, thanks for checking in on me! Keep in touch - I will definitely be needing some moral support during my life change. Your butterfly is fitting, since I am truly "transitioning" right now.

Thanks again,
Niki

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

DAY ONE OF INDUCTION:
Weight - 198 :crying:

Breakfast:
2 fried eggs, 2 sausage patties, 2 slices processed cheese
1 XL coffee, cream, 2 sweetener

Lunch:
large salad w/ tomato & 2 olives, feta cheese, creamy italian dressing
beef souvlaki with hot sauce

Snack:
2 Turkey slices with italian dressing

Dinner:
Chicken breast (I think it was breaded) in a cream sauce with mushrooms
slice of garlic toast
slice of ham with artichoke dip

Water:
1-1-1-1-1-1-1 - total 7

Exercise: 30 min speed walk at lunch :jumpgreen


9:30 AM - OOOOOHHHHH - The scale was brutally honest with me today! I can't argue with it - I ate so much bread, muffins, chocolate this weekend - it was bound to happen. At night I could feel my calves were tight - water retention and just a "getting larger" feeling. I am somewhat freaking out! Last month, I was 185, so this is 13 pounds! I was gaining like this when I was pregnant, and it turned into a 105 pound gain, so I just can't let this happen again.

This is what Day Ones are all about - hope. Everyone has to start somewhere - so here is where I start. I was 198 before, and got down to 178 last May, so I can do it again. Remember - I'm not on a diet, I'm changing my life!

:great:
3:30 PM - just got back from a speed walk. Bought myself new headset, gloves scarf and hat, and took off! I feel great! That is a daily must do!

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

Hi Niki...I wasn't around here when you were here before...but I saw your photo on the banner when it would scroll through....welcome back. I admire your determination to have a healthier life and look forward to getting to know you more.

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Vickie

Niki, it's good to see you making an effort to turn your life around, especially to be an example for your daughter.

Welcome back. We're here to encourage you whenever you need us. Losing weight is a long, uphill battle, but we can succeed!

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Nita

Thanks Vickie - I really, really appreciate you taking the time to post here. it is good to know that someone cares.

Nita - great to see you here as well. Correct me if I'm wrong - but did you start the 50s+ Plus Thread? It is awesome! I might only be in my 30s, but it is encouraging to see what everyone else is doing at this new stage in life. I'll be there one day, so I can learn a lot from others' experiences.

OK, off to get my lunch and water.

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

DAY TWO OF INDUCTION:

Weight - 197
1/63

Breakfast:
1 XL coffee, cream, 2 sweetener
Egg Salad

Lunch:
2 McD Fajitas (no wrap) w/ salsa
Salad w/ italian dressing
diet coke

Snack:


Dinner:
Iceburg lettuce, chicken breast with hot sauce, bacon, blue cheese dressing, havarti cheese.
3 pepperoni sticks, a slice of ham, a scoop of artichoke dip
one bite of ice cream sandwich

Water:
1-1-1-1-1

Exercise:
0

10:00 am - Well, I was hoping for a little more "water" to be whooshed, but actually I don't think I drank enough yesterday. Plus I dipped into the carbs last night. That's OK - today is a new day.

Remember Niki - this is not a race. I am changing my life and my lifestyle.

I'm not focusing on the negative - just looking forward to my intention. My intention is to be at a healthy weight that makes me happy. Every pound lost is a pound less than what I weighed the day before. Momentum is key!

Last night I visualized starting the Body For Life Challenge on January 1st, hiring a trainer, sticking to Dr. B for 3 mths, and winning this challenge! I could be 180 by Jan 1st, then lose 50 or 60 pounds, and look amazing!!! I got really excited! So I'm going to spend December just getting back into healthy habits, going to the gym, running or stretching in the mornings, eating clean. I am pretty psyched!

Off to get my breakfast!

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

I seem to recall you mentioning some problems with the husband a while back...that is a tough situation. But you are seeing clearly now - you know what you want out of YOUR life and you are fighting to get it. Rock on!!!!!

I'm so embarassed about my weight these days, ...especially since I lost a chunk 2 years ago and I KNOW it can be done, ...but dang if I still feed my body tons of crap everyday. Sister's wedding is next September, and I WILL get back on this wagon, ...soon.

Niki, I just get a feeling, ...I predict you are going to come out on top of all this sh*t in your life. One day at a time, one pound at a time, one crisis at a time.

ONWARD!!!

take care
Kelly

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Kelly
Highest recorded weight: 103.2kg/227.04lbs (03/15/08)
Current: 97kg/213.4lb-13.64
Goal:150
"Resensitizing myself to the urgency and severity of my weight problem is important in keeping myself motivated. I have to remind myself that my body will not tolerate this abuse forever." Jeannette Fulda, aka PastaQueen

Kelly - thx for the vote of confidence, and you are right - I feel like I am going to see a pivotal change in my life. The food was just a mask for all the other, more destructive, elements in my life.

So, to celebrate my upcoming weight loss, I bought five pairs of nylons, three bras and a pair of sexy red panties! I might be fat, but at least I'm fat and fabulous! Its more to celebrate the fact that I am stepping away from the lifestyle that has been dragging me down for the last seven years.

I have a party at my boss' house tomorrow night, so I bought a new outfit last week, and now I will feel extra special knowing I look hot on the outside and sizzlin' on the inside!

so, its been a great day! Now I just have to pound down another 8 glasses of water... whew!

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

Hi Niki...I love reading your journal! You are so psyched about changing your life and it inspires me to be more proactive about my own lifestyle change. The new undies are a great idea! Have a great day

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Vickie

DAY THREE OF INDUCTION:

Weight - 195
3/63

Breakfast:
1 XL coffee, cream, 2 sweetener

Lunch:


Snack:


Dinner:

Water:


Exercise:


10:00 AM - Yay, another two pounds gone. I've decided that I'm not going to post in fitday.com for the next two weeks, because even though it tells me what my carbs are at, I end up also seeing what my calories are at and it freaks me out, so I know what foods are on induction, and I'm just going to stick to that! Like for example, yesterday I had an egg salad for breakfast, which was sooooo good. Then dinner I had a biggie salad with blue cheese dressing. If I would have tracked the dressings or the mayonnaise, the fat grams would have made me feel guilty. So, why bother? This keeps my vibration of success running high, knowing that I'm sticking to my new WOE.

Getting back to the Law of Attraction, and knowing that I am going to reach my goal, and eliminating all doubt and just feeling fantastic that I am going to have everything that I desire, will keep my vibration of success going and I will attract more of what I need to lose this weight! YEEEE HAWWWW!

So - tonight is my DECEMBER CHALLENGE #1 - The Boss' Party! Well, at least I have the advantage because I planned the menu, so I'm going to review it before I go, and just know what I can, and cannot, have! I will commit to having two glasses of wine, and feel great knowing that I have put a limitation on myself while not depriving myself of some of the things that I enjoy. I will not have any potatoes or bread. I was going to allow myself the cheesecake, but eh? what's the point? Just finish my dinner, have my second glass of wine, and go find some interesting people to talk to!

THAT'S MY PLAN!

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

Hi Vickie! Thanks so much for posting! Right now I am very pumped!!! The secret is to live every day like its the best day of your life! Last year, I spent a lot of time on personal development and have a learned a lot on how you can change your reality using the power of the mind. I've fallen away from that, but want to start really using all the knowledge that I gained over the year.

So, expect to see some interesting posts here from me, possibly a little far out, but hey, if I want to be living on a beach, married to a Hollywood superstar (or a close facsimile), earning a million dollars a year - then there's got to be a way, and by george, I'm gonna find it!

Interesting things happen to average people every day. My mother, who is 54, is getting married in February to a man she just met two months ago and he is 38. She is madly in love, and I am happy to death for her. I'm 36, so its a little strange, but hey - we are meant to be happy on this earth, not regretful of decisions we make or living in the darkness of our past. Live every day like its the best day of your life!

Right on! I'm pretty happy right now! Going to go get my breakfast and work work work! so that I can have a great night tonight at my boss' house (who, by the way, is a crazy multi-millionnaire - he has an indoor pool and a tennis court and millions of dollars in art all over the house, so it should be fun!)

I'll post the after-math tomorrow...

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Niki
235/206.0/139
LCing since 8/21/04; Restart 1/28/08

Niki: I sure hope you have a great time tonight....you sure deserve it. I have to agree with the other girls, just reading your journal gives us incentive. I can remember when I was as pumped as you are right now, and somewhere I lost it. But, it's never to late, yes? I'm only 10 pounds above goal so I can do this!!!! Don't forget to let us know how the party turned out!

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Donna
238.5/166.4/150
I will see my goal weight again!

Wanting to stop by and say hi. I'm subscribed to your journal and can't wait to follow your journey to goal. Have a great rest of the week Niki.

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