SMART ALECK ANSWERS OF 2006

SMART ALECK ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front."What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ALECK ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, Ineed to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART ALECK ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART ALECK ANSWER #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ALECK ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."


SMART ALECK ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

LOL--You are soo funny...Take care...

Ophelia

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When you are married to your destination, frustrations will not bother you

Start Date: Jan 1,2006
Weight: 281.5
Weight Now: 226/220....
Goal Weight:145:butterfly

I have to start this post with a little caveat. Cats and water do not mix.

I don't know what these people were thinking when they took their little kitty to the spa but I think the folks at Peta would not approve.

Maybe it's the music in the video but I'm sorry to say I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

Ed!

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LOL Ed! I rarely laugh out loud like that but That was hilarious. Thanks

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Well I'm glad someone found it as funny as I did Rob.

Just got done snowblowing my drive and walk. Then I did a couple of neighbors too. They are old folks and really should not be out there. I got in my work out for today. Even just pushing that machine is a lot of work. Just much faster.

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"Failure is not an option" ~ me


01-03-09 213/213/180
01-11-09 213/205/180
01-18-09 213/204/180
01-25-09 213/201/180
02-07-09 213/200/180
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04-20=09 213/192/180

Ed, thanks for the email. I have responded Sorry I have been so absent from the boards, but with trial looming over my head..... well........ only so many days in the hour!

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196/135-135

HI Greg and Rhonda, thanks for stopping in. Rhonda I know your busy. drop in when you can.

I just watched this video today. Very funny but you can do TV like this in the states. Heck you can't even put LED lights on a poster with out someone thinking it's a bomb.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.

He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

...oh, how I can relate to that one!!

Just checking in here. I'm doing okay with the diet. my friends came over to my house this weekend and it was nice but I did not eat on plan because of it. I've been avoiding the scale and just not getting out to walk everyday because of the weather. Snowing again now. Got this funny joke today and thought I would share it with you all.

----- Ed forgot his wedding anniversary and was in big trouble! His wife was furious. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke she looked out the window. Sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, she put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened the box and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

If you could have seen my jaw drop!! Bad husband!

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Ed you are hilarious....

Ophelia

__________________
When you are married to your destination, frustrations will not bother you

Start Date: Jan 1,2006
Weight: 281.5
Weight Now: 226/220....
Goal Weight:145:butterfly