Donna-Sorry to hear about DD's struggles re-emerging. I used to work in detox before doing web work, and my SD has had similar issues, so I do have some idea of what's involved; I know how distressing this can be to a loving mom who has pretty much no control over the kid's life...ugh!

Please DO make sure you do your best to take care of yourself through the challenges and do not let her issues overwhelm you as much as possible. That doesn't help her and it certainly doesn't help you. (I TOTALLY understand this is way easier to say than to do, but ultimately it's vital for you staying sane.)

{{{{DONNA!}}}} Sending ya some good "zen" vibes, dear, for whatever that's worth.

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

Oh, Donna, I know you had high hopes for your daughter.

{{{Hugs to Donna}}}

Take care of yourself, like Dixie said. You need your strength, both physically and emotionally, to cope. We're here for you if you need us.

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Nita

Thank you so much Nita and Dixie. I could feel the warmth coming off your posts and I sure need it. I think I'm in denial myself right now...just can't believe that she's done this to herself. She was doing so well!! I know it's a disease..but darn it people fight diseases every day. I haven't heard from her yet since hearing about her weekend from other people...I'll just try to forget about it until she's willing to talk to me. Thanks again.

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

it's a hard area, donna. 85% of the people who stop abusing substances end up going back to their old ways...that means for any given treatment route or quitting or whatever, there's just 15% who "make it." and of those, some of them have done the quit and restart thing many, many times.

in the two and a half years i worked in detox, our #1 client had been through our little program EIGHT times. sometimes he went on to other treatment and sometimes not. i watched him lose a thriving business, his family, and his health along the way. and there were dozens of stories like that there.

and i talked to more moms than i can count, who were heartbroken and worried sick about their own kids. i've BEEN one of those moms, so i really feel your pain. nothing sucks more than watching someone you love and feel parental towards repeatedly beating their head against the same brick wall over and over...you ask yourself if you could have done or said something to make a difference. in the end, it's completely their issue and not yours, but it doesn't mean you don't feel responsible sometimes anyway.

the only real peace that i've found is to cheer the kid on when they are doing well, and have rock solid boundaries when they are not. heck, my boundaries while she is doing well are still fairly rigid at this point, too, what with all we've been through...it's still a source of tension and strain at times.

while i still love and care about my children regardless of what they are doing, i decided long ago that i will NOT go under for what is not within my control, and i will NOT contribute to my child's downward spiral. that meant at times we had to make some incredibly hard decisions, like cutting off all financial help for a kid who was screwing up...in the long run, they turned out to be right decisions for us, but man...it's been the most difficult thing i've had to face in my life...this parenting is ONE tough gig, sister.

so while i can't offer you much, i can offer you a little warmth and understanding, for whatever it's worth, hon.

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

Dixie: That has got to be one of the nicest posts I've ever had sent to me. You REALLY do understand. Thank you, thank you!! Believe it or not...I have to go cause you've got me crying now.

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

i do. and i'm glad feeling understood can help, even if it's just a little bit.

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

Sunny, but cool day today. I spent the night running to the bathroom...just nerves I know. This morning I have pains in my stomach. Wish I could be a real hard hearted person and not worry about everyone but myself. Dd got a job offer yesterday from a lady that I know quite well. I don't understand how she hasn't heard the stories around town...it's a very small town. Oh well, if she screws up it's not my problem.

My weight seems to be stuck! Too bad I wasn't at my goal...then I would be stuck in a good spot. lol I'm also wishing I had taken more measurements than I did cause I think with all my treadmill work I'm losing inches in places that I didn't measure...like my calves and thighs. I guess it's never to late...should take those measurements tonight.

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

that's not my definition of hard-hearted...some days, i even call it self-care...

has it occurred to you she might know? what with her timing...she could intend to offer DD an opportunity to turn things around before it goes too far south.

i do agree it's wise to work on your zen and detachment as much as possible, though.

that's a great idea! i've learned that stress totally stops all downward scale trends for me, but it doesn't mean you can't still make progress or take good care of yourself. more important than ever when you're stressed.

peace out, ms. donna.

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

Dixie...you are one smart lady. I bet I could never come up with a good excuse that you didn't have a better reply for. lol If dd gets the job then good for her...if she loses it then it's all on her and I won't be responsible and can hold my head up high.

It's a gorgeous sunny morning here. Weatherman says it snowed last night but I'm thinking we just got some rain. It's supposed to go as high as 23C this weekend (78F). That would be sooooo great. I need the sun badly....and I need to get out and get myself dirty in the garden.

Okay....off to work. My window is open and I'm enjoying the breeze (while I'm in the midst of a hot flush!!)

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

i suspect that skill is both one of my charms and one of my most annoying qualities simultaneiously...

i cannot wait for gardening time! i'm really looking forward to that, and that is one of my favorite stress-busting activities, too...enjoy your day!

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

I'm so happy you're getting some decent weather now. Snow gets so old so fast. Especially the driving in it.

Take care, have a good rest of the day.

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Nita

Well, finally.....2 lbs. down this morning. I ran twice as long on the treadmill last night so that might have helped.

Not much else new around here. Weather is really nice and supposed to warm up a lot by the weekend. That's good news cause dh starts playing slowpitch next week. Nothing worse than sitting, keeping score while freezing my butt off in the pouring rain. What we don't do for our men! lol

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

Well what the heJJ? The 2 lbs I lost yesterday are back today. Now that's just not fair I did everything the same so it's got to be watergain. Wonder what I can eat to get rid of the excess water?

Dd has been doing okay. She starts her new job next week. She even showed up last night to take the dogs for a walk with me. She also made sure that I knew she was going to her AA meeting. So, I'm hoping this was just a major slip that she had and she's on the way again. I know she's not drinking cause she blew her whole paycheque plus holiday pay (over $800) in one weekend. Must have been one heJJ of a party. Now of course, those people aren't having anything to do with her cause all her money's gone. She even lent $460 to a girl that I told her was bad news. She has a drug problem, but managed to convince dd that she needed the money cause her hydro was being cut off. She just has to always learn the hard way.

Okay, I've been here for 2 hours now and managed to do NO work. I'll be scrambling the rest of the day. Good thing it's Friday

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!

Oh, Donna, we have tenants who miraculously get company on the 1st and/or the 3rd of the month, when the SSI and SS checks come in. They make sure they get their beer & cigarettes first, although some of them have learned the hard way that they had better come pay their rent first.

I hope you have a lovely weekend.

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Nita

Dd just called. She had gone into the place where she was to start a new job next week to see if they had put up a schedule yet. They have changed their mind and aren't hiring her. Did she really think that word wouldn't get around town about her addiction?

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Donna
238.5/168.2/150
I will see my goal weight again!