I'm going to do this so I need to journal and keep track of myself.

I am sitting at 170+ right now. I had been over 190 at one point. My goal is 115-117.

I love winter and love winter sweaters, pants, cute little boots, and my awesome duster. I am not able to wear these things right now and carry the look I want. My goal is to be able to wear my winter clothes that I have in storage. I want my curves back. Ok, I have curves but they're going in the wrong direction! I want my little waist and tummy back. I'm also going to grow out this awful short haircut. It was cute when I cut it but I'm ready for shoulder length hair again.

More importantly than looks, I'm ready for more energy. I'm ready to walk and not have to stop to breathe. I want to keep up with my family again.

I'm so ready for this....

My day started at 4:00 am with dh getting paged for work. ugh. I was hungry so I fixed a very early breakfast. I've already had lunch and dinner will be late tonight so I will be low carb veggie munching all afternoon.

So far I've had 4 net carbs and 16 total. 12 grams of fiber. pretty good.
I'm fighting a sinus infection so I will see dr. this afternoon. I know he'll make comments on my weight but I can tell him I'm on my way!
Ann

just returned from dr. He said basically my immune system is shot and that good nutrition, which I'm on the right road now, and some antibiotics for the upper respiratory infection should help get me up and at 'em in no time. I'm having these infected hairs in my underarms that are large lumps and very painful. I've had them for 15 days now. He said that's a sign of weak immune system.

I can not WAIT to feel better! I took my antibiotic and an advil and now I'm going to nap.

I had turkey and green beans for lunch. Delicious.

I'm making chicken and vegetables for dinner.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

I'm doing really well this morning. Last night I couldn't get to sleep for a while and my mind started wandering to food. But as my personally favorite saying goes "not all who wander are lost."

I realized that I don't care for pasta, there's no flavor. It's the goop on top I always like. I don't like potatoes. I only like them when they are mashed with a ton of butter and heavy whipping cream or baked and drowning in butter and sour cream. Why bother to eat them then?? I don't care for dinner rolls unless they are buttered and I use them to dip in the pasta alfredo sauce. again, no flavor. I like raw carrots but not cooked, too sweet. I like chocolate but only very occassionally and I don't like the milk chocolate, only the dark so why bother to eat the stuff? I don't care for ice cream unless I have a sore throat, again, why eat it then? All these foods I realized I don't really like and yet I've made myself huge on them. Silly.

I like skinny feet and hands. I hate it when my feet and hands are puffy and have no definition. People used to tell me I had pretty feet (odd, I know) and I did, they were small, thin, painted nails, now they are puffy and sore. I have noticed they are getting much better with low carb.

I got the "beautiful face" compliment recently. A coworker of dh told him I had the most beautiful and perfect face she'd ever seen. Wonderfully flattering, not used to hearing something like that, but at the same time I thought "yeah, but the whole package isn't good". Then my dad of all people made a comment. I know my dad doesn't appreciate my being heavy, he used to make nasty comments about my overeating. A month ago a woman he worked with that I just met made the comment that I look just like my mother, my dad turned his back to me and said something quietly and gestured big and the woman snickered. That really made me mad. I know I'm overweight. I'm embarrassed to be seen by people who last saw me thin. I'm embarrassed to be seen PERIOD. I don't need my own family making comments.

I hate for my husband to touch me. I know he likes me skinny. He used to tell me that all the time until I gained weight. He never comments on my weight, which I appreciate, but I know he likes skinny. I feel badly that I have gone from 116 to 197 for him. I don't want to lose weight for him, I want to lose it for me, but I know he will reap the benefits.

enough wandering for one night.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

this morning's breakfast is 1/4 cup of low carb cereal. about 3-4 carbs.

I'm taking son out to lunch to an Italian restaurant but they have a huge salad bar and a taco bar that I can get ground beef.

dinner is chicken with soup as gravy, I will not have the gravy for myself, and green beans. I will make family mashed potatoes.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

i am in awe of your honesty....

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kims SECOND journal is HERE
kims new blog
KIMS BLOG !!
SUGARFREE BLOG

Thursday went well. I almost ate carbs at dinner but h was in a foul mood and started yelling about things and I got upset and threw my dinner down the drain and went for a walk. Good comes out of bad once again.

Yesterday I went out to a Peking buffet but only ate protein and vegetables. I had a harder time at the movie, got nachos but only ate a few bites. I had dinner at 9:00 last night which was awfully late but it was one slice of ham and 3 vegetables.

I haven't had anything yet this morning but I am getting very hungry. Ds is sick with the upper respiratory that I had last week so most of my day will be caring for him.

I'm in a no emotion mood this morning. H has been having more trouble at work and brings the moods home. He's in that tear every word apart and analyze it and then prove you wrong no matter what it takes mood. I am so tired of that. I am determined not to stress eat this time. I've spent 20 years stress eating during his mood swings and I can not keep doing that to myself. I'm emotionally exhausted. I feel like I have nothing left in that relationship. Thank goodness for my son. He is an absolute joy. I'm glad to see him growing up healthy and with good solid morals and good friends. It warms my heart to see him and his friends out laughing and shooting fireworks. I"m also glad for my 3 dogs. They are very good companions. I wish I had more time to train them. The lab would make an awesome rescue dog but with schooling, there's no time for classes...and the dog is NOT my priority, my son's education is.
My stomach is growling and I'm getting lightheaded, time to eat. Maybe a protein shake or an egg.

I weigh in tomorrow.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

I'm at 168 today. I started this a few days ago at 172.5.

Yesterday ds wanted DQ. He had his and I wasn't even tempted.
I'm going to charcoal today, I have pork chops and chicken. I don't know what vegetables I have, maybe a big salad or something.

I hope to get in more exercise this week. Last week wasn't very conducive for working out.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

doing really well. ds has been sick and up all night so that's thrown off our sleep schedules around the house. he's feeling better tonight so hopefully we've turned the corner.

I've eaten light the last few days. tonight was chicken and a vegetable.
I have a physical next week and it will be interesting how the blood work comes out. I don't think I've been doing this long enough for there to be an improvement.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

Keep us posted with the blood work; you might be surprised, my blood work was radically different after three months.

Hope your (son?) is feeling better soon.

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Tina

Thanks Tina, he's still sleeping so I don't know yet how he's feeling today. It's been a long week.

I'm very tired today. I am going to be tested for celiac disease which would sure explain a lot if it's positive. I can handle a wheat free diet. I will probably feel a whole lot better.

I went thru the cupboards and threw everything starch/grain out yesterday. My cupboards now only have canned vegetables and fruits plus a lot of cooking seasonings. It's amazing how much room those grains were taking up. I also didn't realize I had so many tea bags!

I'm not hungry yet today. Don't even want to think about food.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

yesterday was a huge vegetable day, today will be as well. My stomach is thinner, my hands and feet are not puffy. I'm getting there!

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

I ran out of synthroid today, I don't know if that's what's causing this fatigue or if it's the wheat and dairy I had. These lumps in my underarms are so very painful. DH thinks it might be the dairy, and it could be. I am so tired, I am not having depression but there's a definite 'down' feeling. I had a large salad for lunch and way too many carbs. For a snack I just ate two hard boiled eggs with a little onion and red pepper chopped in them.

I don't know why but I'm kind of scared to get my lab work back. I hate these yearly physicals anyway but this is really bothering me. Maybe it's just my mood. I do know my diet has been horrible this year. I have no excuse. It's due to sheer laziness and gluttony on my part. I've had these lumps off and on since june 15 and it probably is due to the dairy as much as the wheat. when i low carbed faithfully before, these lumps went away and were not a problem at all, and the stomach problems were gone, why did i start eating this stuff again? it all boils down to laziness and greed. i can't believe i went from feeling good and looking good to feeling like dirt and looking like an out of control slob.

i'm getting a new notebook and i am going to start journalling everything tomorrow.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

I'm still feeling down, can't shake this. I haven't eaten yet this morning. For days I've been hungry but had no appetite. I know that sounds odd but my stomach is empty and growling but the thought of food does nothing for me. I'm so tired of eating. I have got to get my body straightened out. I have to feel better than this.

after son's tennis maybe I can get dh to take me out for seafood for lunch. shrimp and crablegs are the only things that sound good at all.

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991

wow, today went downhill FAST.
started getting dizzy this morning and almost passed out at the store. barely made it home and to the chair and I felt absolutely horrible. I was sick to my stomach, shaking, and on the verge of uncontrollable crying.

I can tell I haven't had enough protein the last few days.

today was 74 protein 31 carbs (total, not net)

I'm feeling better this evening, even dueled my son and two of his friends in yu-gi-oh

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"The future of life on earth depends on seeing the sacred where others see only the common."
- John Denver, 1991