hello melinda.

so sorry, to hear about your dad, as well as your struggles with support and weight issues! it can be very easy to stop taking care of yourself when you're under a lot of stress, but as you've found out, it simply makes it harder to ignore our own needs.

first off, congratulations for deciding to make some positive changes in your life! that's a huge first step, and it's required for moving forward.

any way you slice it, making big changes in your life can be challenging. just because you feel you "should" be able to do it doesn't mean it's always easy. honestly, it feels a bit uncomfortable at first. but if you push through that temporary discomfort, it soon becomes automatic and after a while, you can't imagine living any other way!

it does seem as if you've got some definite self-esteem issues going right now, between the stress and the weight gain, which is entirely understandable! i would encourage you to look at that. some things i would suggest...

-maxibee, our resident dr. phil guru, mentioned the book, 7 keys blah blah...while the nutrition advice there i would ignore, his insights into the psychology of being overweight i found right on target. he addresses a lot of the feelings that you pick up with the weight, and ways to maximize your chances for success.

-dealing with your grief, of course, is most likely an ongoing issue. if you are having a rough time and are not feeling the support from friends and family that you need, you may want to consider getting some professional support to help you work through it. local mental health centers generally operate on a sliding fee scale. also, most communities have grief supoprt groups and the like to help folks going through such difficulties. while this may seem a little weird as a "weight-loss" tip, you know the stress and pain you feel in all areas of your life can affect your eating.

-please never measure your worth as a person by a number on a little machine. it's simply not true. likewise, you are not a "failure" or a success according to your weight. you are successful if you are working on improving yourself and your life. this is a journey and if you're on it, you doing well to be here!

-work on acknowleding your successes, your positive qualities, focusing on what you feel good about and all the good things you're doing for yourself. sometimes people mistakenly believe that getting down on themselves will "motivate" them. hogwash! losing weight takes effort, and you have to feel like you deserve it before you can muster up the energy needed.

now, on the actual weight-loss side...

-you're right to get the book! it's your roadmap and will help you plot your course and deal with lots of little issues that come up. having that info will help you troubleshoot, understand what's happening in your body, and re-spur your motivation when you're feeling down.

-variety is important, too! i had much the same issue the first time i "did" atkins, and abandoned it pretty quickly. when i re-started this time, i got some low-carb cookbooks and gave it a bit more time. i found that with a little more practice, i was able to put together lots of carb-friendly options and get the variety i needed to be happy with my menu.

-take your vitamins and drink your water! especially when you're changing your diet and when you've been under stress, the body needs plenty of vitamins to keep it going. drinking lots of water-we usually recommend 1/2 your weight in oz. daily- make take a bit of getting used to and working your way up, but it helps you flush toxins from your body, makes you feel good and most of all, lose the weight! it works. and no, i don't recommend counting diet cola or coffee since they "have water" in 'em. i'm talking the real mccoy here!

-avoid the "low-carb" junk food, especially early on. while it's tempting to try and substitue new junk for the old junk (and i speak from personal experience here), it often derails what would otherwise be a very successful venture. when my losses slow or stop (or reverse-egads!), this is almost always the culprit. the more natural and unprocessed you can go, the better.

-start with the plan, and understand that if you decide to, you can tweak later on. we all find different things that work for us. some of us can "get away" with a low-carb bar here or there, while for others, it triggers cravings and stalling. some of us do better if we stay 100% on plan all the time, while others find that an occassional choice to eat something "questionable" keeps them from feeling deprived.

-move. it doesn't have to be walking 20 miles a week or 3 hours at the gym. the only requirements are that it is actual motion, and you like it. at first, it doesn't even matter how much. just doing it will get you going in.

-get support here! while the stuff above are a few tips to get you started, there's nothing like an ongoing community of like-minded people to help you make it!

all the best to you.

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