Hi. This is my first time posting. I have been getting great advise from this site and am ready to talk!
Who is experiencing sabotage?
I know I am.
I was put on the Atkins diet by my doctor (smart man) because at 36 we both thought that I had a heart attack. When that was ruled out, I needed to do something to lower my blood pressure, bad cholestrol and weight, thus the Atkins WOE.
So I have subsequently lost 40 pounds and have about 55 more to go. I said nothing to anyone about doing this WOE/WOL. Not even my husband, I just started cooking meals that worked for us both.
After 40 pounds lost people began to notice. So when asked (not offering to tell) I told people about my WOE.
First from my family I heard, "Didn't Dr. Atkins die from a heart attack?". "Isn't that unhealthy?" "What about a balanced diet?". I had all of my answers ready and they worked.
Then I would have to listen to my mother and sister complain that I lost weight and could I save "my fat clothes" for them. (Mind you, my sister does not need to lose any weight and my mother is smaller than I am but could lose some of her excess weight.)
Then it turned into they were going to do the Atkins diet. Instead of buying the book and reading the rules they thougth I should teach them how. This is not to be snarky, but I barely have the energy on some days to maintain this WOE because I am fighting a life time of food addictions and food perceptions, so I definitely do not have the energy to diet for three people.
I am also tired of hearing, "you look good, would you like some chocolate?". And the phone calls daily to ask the amount of carbs for foods that are not permitted to begin with.
My mother, who is competitive and unsupportive of me actually called me and said that she needs support to lose weight so what are good times to call me at work during the day so she can get the support she needs. She tried calling me six times in one day to ask me what carb counts were. When I said, I am at work and cannot talk she became irrate.
So, suggestions on what to does anyone have to help? I try the logical, nice approach, but honestly that does not work with these people!

Mab, direct your mom to a good website for support. (This one, if you like, or there are loads of other ones she could join.) Buy her the book, plus a good cookbook. Print out the allowable foods from the Atkins website, and put in on her refrigerator. Buy her a good carb counter. Give her the tools she needs, since she apparently doesn't want to do it herself.

Perhaps she doesn't want to be accountable if she fails. If people lean on someone else for all their support during this woe, instead of leaning on themselves somewhat, and if they don't learn what's best for their own body, they'll never succeed.

I don't envy your position, but I'm here to tell you that you have lots of support here. All you have to do is ask. You'll get a lot of help, tips, advice. We'll cheer with you on your successes, soothe you when you have setbacks.

I am so proud of you for the progress you've made so far. You've made this your way of life, and have stuck with it. I'll bet you are feeling so much better now, physically and emotionally.

I wish you much success on your low carb journey.

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Nita

Hello Mab and Welcome, First off let me commend you for loosing so much weight and that you are taking responsibility for yourself and life. I can give you some input and if you want to take anything from it to help you I hope that I can.

This is a small summary of what I had to deal with growing up with a mother that sound simular to yours even thou we love them and they love us man they can be downright selfish. In high School I weighed 105 lbs. My mother would constanly tell me how fat I was, yes you read right. She would tell me I could have her old pants because she was so much thinner and trust me that was not the case. Later in in years I had distance myelf from here and I actually saw her last year for the first time in 10 years and now I am 160lbs or so. The first thing she says to me after 10 yrs....Wow you are fat now, how did you let that happen?

Anyway my point was people say stupid things and when you are on a plan and doing great and making your life better people tend to feel threatend. They are usually to selfish and lazy to change there own habits and will put you down to make themselves feel better. They will lurk and watch for any slip up you make to revel in the glory of you failure and make sure to point it out.

My advice to you is keep up with your great progress and stand strong for what you believe in. Sit down with your mother and your sister and tell them that you love them but they are hurting your feelings and you really can't cope with all the pressure. Tell them about the comments and all of the issues that you have mentioned. Stress can cause more problems with your health and I would explain that as well. Maybe they don't relize what they are doing is crazy. Then Instruct them to buy their own Atkins books or you could go with them and help them find the correct books, this is how you learned and they are grown adults so I am sure they can figure it out. They can come on the boards and we can all help them too. If this doesn't work you can always have one big blow out at last resort......I have done this with my dad and in the end I felt better to tell him exacly what I thought and told him to only listen and not speak till I was done.

Sorry this was so lengthy of a post, but nothing aggravates me more that people trying to sabatoge and bully others to make them feel better about
themselves. I hope that this helps you in some way and I wish you all the best in dealing with this, it is hard sometimes to let your familly know what you feel, but trust me in the end you have to put yourself first sometimes. Keep us posted and here's a hug ((((Mab)))))

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Welcome to LCE, Mab! Glad to have you with us.

incidnetly, i found this stuff improving as time went on for me...after a certian point, it's hard to claim the extra weight is "better for you," especially when you eat meat and veggies instead of flour and sugar now! how "unhealthly," huh? not to mention those 55 pounds of "water weight" you lost.


what? you don't want to become the family atkins expert? i've seen lots of people "do atkins" by word of mouth. for a minute, that is. i've never seen anyone successful over a longer-term with this stragegy, however. maybe "teaching them how" is sending them a link to buy the book?

that one always mystified me as well. as in, "Well, WHY do you think I'm looking good, man? Because I'm passing the sugar up already!" silly people.


oh dear. sounds like you've got your hands full, huh? and i'm guessing it's probably not just about eating habits, either...

sorry-i don't have any ideas what to tell you on that front. sounds like the outcropping of "interest" may well be related to the competitiveness and other dynamics that were already ingrained in the relationship before. i know this can be real issue for folks, although it's often difficult for me to comprehend. one person's successes does NOT take away from someone else's success, you know? but sometimes, people act as if it's a limited commodity or something.

i can say that i personally try to take all this kind of stuff in my stride. i've had my mom tell me i was becoming unhealthily obsessed with my eating (when i shrivelled away to a mere size 16! oh my.) i've had people ask me if i was ill. and i've had tons of people ask me how i did it - but when it didn't involve a pill or some other magical cure, totally lose interest. and i've had some people who have totally supported me and cheered me on.

for the ones that don't, i have usually just laughed it off, and told 'em "thanks for your concern, but i feel better than i have in my entire life. i'm doing just fine, thank you very much."

you hang in there, hon. this too shall (most likely) pass.

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Fat Baggage- Is Yours Packed?

Ditto to what everyone else said.

I also agree with Nita - I'd just buy them the books, print out the lists, pack it all up in a nice gift bag for each and had it over. It would probably be the cheapest $20 therapy session you can buy. Then I'd say, "Once you've read the books I'd be happy to discuss some recipes or menus with you, but not until then. I'm not an expert - Dr. Atkins is - and I use these books for reference all the time." (You'll be able to tell if they've read the books or not... and who doesn't go back to the book from time to time to check facts, etc.?)

If they don't take the hint from that, then you may just have to ignore them or put your foot down. It's hard, I know. But we're here whenever you need to vent!

Good luck! And congrats on the fabulous success you've had so far!

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Mada
221.6/193.8 <--- ONEderland! /sz 8

I can't thank you enough for all of the suggestions!

I am glad I finally wrote. It is amazing how much of this new garbage I am carrying around instead of my weight.

It is really interesting to see peoples reactions to weight lose. Someone that I see at different events for work today was telling me "you look great, you should do weight watchers".

I know it was said in an innocent way and was meant kindly, but it is almost like, what the heck? I'm doing so well on what I have been utilizing so now your suggetion is that I change that? I did spend a little time talking about feeling energentic and that my carbs come from vegetables which is much healthier than what I was eating before and then dropped the conversation.

Some days I am militant in my mindset, like I will tell these people how it works, that I am looking and feeling better and if they do not like it they can step off of a curb into oncoming traffic. Other days it is not so easy and everytime my mother calls I want to eat a cookie....terrible ups and downs.

On a good day I do tell myself that people are jealous or that my changing my weight changes their comfort level with me because of the dynamic we had before. I guess I should make up some mantras and say them each night before bed!