I have been fooling myself. I have told myself that if I cut out the sugar, then I'm LCing. And maybe it would actually be correct, if I wasn't an addict. The small portions of potatoes and bread lead to small portions of carby fruits, which leads to small portions of something sugar, which leads to larger and larger portions.
So, as of right now, I am on the induction phase that I have subconsiously been avoiding. I know that it's necessary in order for the struggle with my will...
So I sit here, again. At this one thing, I have continually failed. Don't get me wrong, I have had some successes, but I always seem to find myself letting it go. I try to convince myself that I love myself unconditionally. Cos I know I should. But this layer of my body that I have hid behind, that makes me feel less, I don't love it. I don't want to accept it. I have tried. I have tried to just look myself in the mirror and say, "You are enough. You are beautiful no matter whether your 100...
Okay, so I have this interview for a promotion tomorrow morning. I think that I have a pretty good chance at it. *crossing fingers*
The thing is that I had to go buy a new interview suit. The last one that I had was right after I lost all the weight the first time around and it was about 3 sizes ago.
Let me start with...I hate the mall. I am not a shopper (this does not translate into that I don't spend money, cos I do...too much)
Okay, so I know that I'm in a better place. I know that the decisions that I made that brought me to where I am were the right ones.
So now the ex has got a new girlfriend. And I am happy for him. The thing is, she's young (half his age) and small and petite and has none of the baggage that he gave to me.
It bugs me. It's messing with my self esteem. This is probably at least partly because he messed around with a young thin chick while we were married. And he made...
I have to admit that I've followed those bread crumbs a couple of times but found my way and left again. I didn't really even start, just kinda did a meal or two and quit.
I think for me it's kinda like quitting any other addiction. I wasn't ready. I emotionally wasn't ready to come back. I would read and think about it, then move away from it like I was scared or something. Not consciously really, but now that I think about it, that's what it was.