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gilley79 · #1 01-04-2005, 01:17 AM

okay... here is the problem i found my self doing ALOT...

if anyone here has been doing the couch fautato challange might have read where i posted about all the wonderfull comments im reciveing about looseing weight since people at gym have seen me .. (about a year ago..) i love those coments and they make me feel great.. but i find my self telling everyone.. yeah but i have gained X amount back.. and i still have X to loose..

then i come home from gym and look at my self in the mirror and obses over those flaws on my body that just never seem like they are getting better..

A life of liveing haveing others make negitive coments ( a family that was a little to truthfull!) has ingraved in my mind.. im always looking at my self as that 250 lb girl.. who didnt care what she ate .. and if she got off the couch other than to cook food.. didnt matter.

I realy hope i get over this eventualy beacuse isnt it things that wich lead to eating disorders/ looseing to much weight.. actualy had my doctor in the spring had told me to watch how fast im looseing weight.. and i laughed at him.. now that i rember it.. he was being truthfull.. its not healthy to loose fast ect.. but.. i want it gone..

yes.. it didnt come on all in one night.. its not going away over night..

but i have seriously thought about getting some lypo done.. ect.. and that is crazy.. i hate doctors and the thought of that proceses is scary..

anyway.. i had to share something i found bothering my self today.. since yall seem so close to me like a family that dont judge i love shareing things like this w/ ya..

Lawbooks · #2 01-04-2005, 01:59 AM

{{{Hugs}}} Gilley

I do know what you mean; when it comes to our bodies, we are our worst critics! And sometimes -- if you have grown up with external criticism -- it can be difficult to get those *negative voices* out of our heads. :(
Yanno, I could feed you a lot of *cheerleader/inspirational* stuff like go look in the mirror and say out loud that you love yourself, blah, blah, blah... but the truth of the matter is that this sort of thing only changes with TIME.
Go easy on yourself.
Just as you can't expect to lose the weight overnight, neither can you expect to lose the negative self-image immediately.
Try not to focus on the negative -- even if you can't find anything *positive* TO focus on, it does no one any good to just stand in front of a mirror and dwell on their flaws.
You have done/ARE DOING SO WELL! Be proud of what you've done and be patient for the rest. You are an inspiration to many.

CushieButterfield · #3 01-04-2005, 02:00 AM

Your feeling are perfectly normal. I do have one friend that still finds herself obsessing over food 16 years after losing the weight and she does have an eating disorder now brought on by a fear of getting fat again and her unhealthy relationship with food.

Eventually you should see yourself for what you have become and not that other girl. I know it's hard for you to take compliments but you could start by trying to say to at least one person that mentions how much weight you have lost "thank you" and leave it at that...or "thank you, I've been working it". You don't have to apologize for not being at your goal weight yet. You need to try and be proud a little at a time and it will come easier.

You've done so well and while it will take time you'll reach your goal.

Also, I often think of a complete body lift as I have seen on the plastic surgery shows and I'm not even close to that point right now. So you aren't the only one!

gilley79 · #4 01-04-2005, 02:11 AM

Dont get me wrong.. i do notice a difrence.. but like my leggs are still rather big and my belly.. 2 c-sections later i realy dont ever see a flat stomach agin. just basicly shareing a feeling i needed to get off my chest..
i have lived a life of eating disorders and depression and a major way i have grown out of most of thos problems.. was by talking to others about my problems admitting i had a problem ect..

I am loveing the newer me... and I'm realy looking forward to looseing more ect.. but sometimes those flaws just sit there and look at you and start to bother you..
ahh... well.. I am doing great... and I'm realy starting to look like one hot momma.. lol.. hey what can i say.. my waste line is 32 inches.. (same size as my 145lb husband.)just dont count that buldge below where i measure that lol..

huskersfan869 · #5 01-04-2005, 02:13 AM

gilley--I so feel for you...I have been there...some days I still can't seem to see what everyone else seems to see. The Assistant Principal from our school last year hasn't seen me since late last spring...early summer depending on how you want to look at it...she was very cmplimentary today when I stopped to say hi! A guy I have seen maybe 5X since we moved here a year and a half ago told me today he was sure he knew who I was but didn't remember me looking like I do...coming form a man...it was stunning...especially one I don't know particularly well...I came home looked into the mirror and what do I see...someone who gained 3-4lbsover Chrsitmas Vacation...but no one else sees that number or how you put your clothes on...or what size they happen to be! They only see outward changes...in the beginning I was very flippant...had silly remarks to diffuse the compliment but still acknowledge it...now I just say thank you adn if they ask how much I have lost...I tell them...The only comment I really can't figure out how to respond to yet is the "You must feel so much better" line...I do feel better, physically I am far healthier and emotionally I am dealing with the issues that allowed me to avoid dealing with the weight and with the correct diagnosis as to what is wrong and with theis WOE I have gotten my life back...but how do you put that succinctly into words everyone else gets??? I don't know. Try Thank You, I appreciate you noticing, while I feel I have a way to go yet, I am making progress. That usually makes everyone happy and you acknowledge your goal as well as your progress...it takes time...lots and lots of time...keep the faith...you will eventually notice little things that really do look different than you remembered...mine was my shadow on a wall...skinny ankles and no big round belly...when did that happen??? Must have happened sometime while I was obsessing about something else because I still see the belly in teh mirror but no one else must be able to see it! But, we are our own worst critic and in that way our own worst enemy...keep working on ti gilley...you will get there!

Goddess · #6 01-04-2005, 02:18 AM

i personally think self-image is one of the hardest things to change, and is much slower shaping up than the actual body.

if you've had a history of dealing with body image and eating disorders, it may make sense for you to consider getting just a little counseling along the way to help you gradually adjust your body image to match the new you. just a thought.

it's definitely a process, and the emotional changes i've experience losing weight are at least as significant as the phsycial changes, or maybe more. i know i have to actively work on self-image and realizing just how much i've lost, and i know it's a process.

good vibes out to ya.

Maxibee · #7 01-04-2005, 03:14 AM

okay, gilley....you're not a newbie, so I'll spare you the speech that normally accompanies my suggestion: read Dr.Phil's book: The Ultimate Weight Solution~7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom. No, actually...you can just read the first part: Key 1 Right Thinking. And maybe Key 2 Healing Feelings.....and if you WANT to, go on to the rest of the keys.

This book really helped me with the things you were describing. We have more conversations with ourselves that we do with other people. You are so funny, warm and a great Mom and wife.....you deserve to feel positive about your accomplishments.
Take care!

golfpro · #8 01-04-2005, 08:14 AM

Gilley
I know how you feel-I've been overweight all my life and the last 10 yrs have been the worse. I was at the end of the stick growing up with the skinny kids and they had their fun with me. But, the good thing is you're doing something about it and you are doing fantastic.

I am critical about myself and not just when it comes to weight and how I look. I've only lost 15 pounds since 10/18 but I am pleased with that-I made alot of wrong choices along the way. I hide my weight and my size clothes still-I don't share that info. yesterday I received a call at work from fiance-he was in Herb Philipson and found a pair of flannel lined jeans I wanted to snowmobiling so I could do away with long johns. He said what size? 30 waist? God, how I loved him with that comment but then froze because I had to tell him my waist size-36-bigger than him. I was embarrassed-got home tried them on and realized that I could have gotten intoa 34. So that has pushed me alittle more-I am determined to be smaller than him in the waist.

Like you, I carry the majority of my weight in my stomach. That is going down but not as fast as i would like. One thing I started doing and it gives me a smile and continues to push me-stand up tall-look straight down-my bust is now bigger than my belly!!! Hey it works.

You'll get a lot of good advice here-keep up the good work. Don't let your self image defeat what you are doing. I wish I could give you more but I haven't found what works for me yet.

KCTinter · #9 01-04-2005, 10:08 AM

Oh, Gilley, warm hugs to you!

There is really very little I can add to all the above. You have done GREAT . . . and are continuing to do GREAT. Please pat yourself on the back a little!

We are all bombarded with pictures of the "perfect" body. Bah! All those models . . . they practically starve and work out continuously to maintain their "perfection." Imagine the stress they must be under. Gain 5 pounds and they may lose a job. You are a great Mom and Wife with so many important duties. We are real people struggling with real life, and we do not need some celluloid image of perfection against which to gauge our worth. So again, pat yourself on the back for all the positives you have accomplished!

I may as well finish my rant with my biggest beef . . . the 20-somethings on TV ads worried about wrinkles. Give me an effing break. There. I said it!

SShimmerr · #10 01-04-2005, 02:47 PM

I'm not even a Dr. Phil fan, but his book was one of many many MANY books I have read about weightloss and getting healthy.

I have to agree with Maxibee - that first key, Right Thinking, really helped me. I mean REALLY HELPED ME. and Dr. Phil annoys the h*ll out of me *LOL*

Negative self talk can be so destructive both physically and emotionally, and we all know the LINK between the physical and the emotional is SO important.

Your doing so well Gilley and you truly are an inspiration on this board

gilley79 · #11 01-04-2005, 04:10 PM

Thanks everyone!!!! SOo much.... shrug.. i guess w/ the gain over the hoildays im beating my self up more than i should.. and bothed me even more when i went to the gym today and was up another 2 lbs.. but that is probly beacuse those muscles that had gone dormit are growing agin... and .. i realy didnt get all my water in yesterday.. so i forgive my self yelld at the scale and said it had to be wrong and walked away w/ my head held high..

maby ill ask around some people i know see if anyone has that book.. i bought so many books the last while i hate to spend on another one..(im not one for spending on my self much..)

It truely made me feel great to hear everyone pointing out the good things in me.. and today to talk to an old school teacher of mine she gave me a big hug.. - beacuse when i had her i was kinda a bad girl.. and we were talking about the changes in my life i had made.. she told me she had to give me the hug beacuse she never thought i would have been such a responsible person! (realy made me wonder how bad i seemd in school lol) We shared a laugh about how i had her class usualy just befor physed.. and i would moan and groan about going.. and if the class fell after gym i usualy showed up late beacuse i was being held behind in class.. beacuse they knew at that time i was fit.. just didnt want to assert my self.. (i played soccer in school so they knew i could do the stuff)

It was a nice day.. and a good work out.. and

I love you guys! thanks for makeing me realize im way to hard on my self .. and to give me some things to think about on how i can change my mental self!

jackiep · #12 01-04-2005, 05:32 PM

Self image is what you make it.... focus on the positive, you are doing just fine, keep yer chin up. In reality(i may be wrong but...) I think many of us have toyed with the idea of (shudder) surgery, In fact just yesterday I told my DH if I had a bunch of extra money i would most likely have my poor ole boobies lifted and probly if I ever get this fat off me again a tummy tuck....but thats pie in the sky..so if I'm havin a bad self image day I just avoid mirrors, and try to focus on ANYTHING but me, It will pass.

SShimmerr · #13 01-04-2005, 05:40 PM

Jackie - LOL @ "poor ole boobies" OH MAN! I don't know why but that just gave me a serious case of the giggles and I couldn't stop!!! Literally sitting in front of the computer laughing out loud!!!!

Thanks for the laugh and smile

heykim · #14 01-04-2005, 10:33 PM

I always wanted to have EXTREME makeover on my feet...*L* always wanted a size 5..*L* i dont think they CUT peoples feet in half and make em smaller YET... but by god maybe by the time i am 90 they will... size 5 shoes are ALWAYS cuter than 9s*L*

jackiep · #15 01-05-2005, 01:56 PM

FEET...I have snowshoes... size 11 wide, course at my size if they were small I would look just plain goofy or goofier anyway, I have big hands too, well I kinda have big everything, that's what I'm trying to cure...but unlike what is said about the male gender when they have big feet , I'd like to think in a female it means we have big hearts also.

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still looking negitive at my self