One button away...

(sorry if it's a little long)

I think everyone has a coveted item of clothing from their formerly slimmer days, and I am no exception!

I have been heavy (more than 200 lbs) on and off (mostly on) for the past 22 years. On two or three occasions, I managed to get below 200, and one time, about 14 years ago (April of 1991), I managed to get all the way down to 168 lbs. At that time I had two outfits custom made by a local seamstress. One outfit was a two piece hot pink taffeta cocktail outfit. When I wore it, I got rave reviews and even though I wasn't thin, I felt attractive in it.

I also met my husband about that time...I wore that dress on one of our first dates and he still talks about it to this day. He doesn't really have a weight problem, but has been so wonderful about mine from time to time gently discussing it with me. He said it doesn't matter if I ever get thin, but he did say it would be great if I could wear that dress one day again, because it represented a size where I was much healthier and could buy normal size clothing. He knows how much I despise being forced to shop in the plus size department. He said he loves me for who I am, not my size. He just knows I would feel better and be much healthier. I realize that he may truly feel differently, but he would never say anything to hurt me with regards to my weight.

At any rate, one of my original goals was to be able to wear that dress for our 7th wedding anniversary. I felt like it was a reasonable goal at the time, and for most of the time I was on track. It also represented 100 lbs lost in 11 months and would be a great milestone. Well, I didn't get there (lost 85 lbs) and it was difficult for me to get past that feeling of failure. I finally got it in my head that by no means losing 85 lbs was a failure and that as long as I was heading in the right direction, that was what mattered. I think this is the first time in my life that I felt that food didn't control me.

Well, as some of you may know, I have been struggling to get back on the losing track since a very tough holiday season where I gained 14 lbs in something like 10 days. I was able to lose the initial weight pretty quickly, but since then I have never hit the 90 lb loss that I had right before Christmas....that was until this past week. I kept thinking I was making the right choices, but I wasn't. And, I wasn't getting any activity. I finally got back to some regular activity about two weeks ago and decided to do something a little drastic as an experiment.

I was reading about a fatfast on another board and decided to give it a try. I wasn't so concerned about losing a lot of weight, but to change my approach a little bit. So, for three days I was supposed to eat only eggs and protein...didn't know how I was going to do it, but the most amazing thing was that it was pretty easy! I actually ended up doing it for four days because I felt so awesome. On the fifth day I carefully added back some carbs and moved into induction. The most amazing thing was how it supressed my appetite. On the fifth day I had my normal enormous salad at lunch and I couldn't even finish it. I actually finished it for dinner with a cup of low carb yogurt. Granted, I was hungry when I woke up this a.m., but was fine all last night. I hope that I can keep the momentum going.

This morning I weighed myself...wondering whether or not the scale would start inching back up...the good news is that I lost from yesterday! SO, I decided to pull out that coveted pink outfit to see what the score was. When I tried it on in December, it was about two buttons away from fitting...it still doesn't fit quite yet, but I am only one button away. You may or may not be able to imagine how good that feels. It represents progress and the hope that my goal is attainable. Even though it hasn't happened in my original time frame, that doesn't really concern me.

In November of 2003, I was so incredibly depressed. I was approaching 40 and felt more like 80. I had basically given up on every losing any significant amount of weight. I could not imagine that pink outfit would every be within my reach. I figured I would probably die before my time because of my quickly deteriorating health.

Even if I never get to that last button, I have hope and I have my life back. I have Doctor Atkins to thank and for that I am forever grateful. I also want to thank all of you on this board. You will never know how much you have meant to me as I progress along this journey. This is a truly amazing community of people (a special thank you to Andrea, Dixie, Rob, Lori, Alida, Marcie and Kim) and I feel like I would never come this far without you.

For those of you who are struggling, keep coming back. If I can do this, anyone can. I had the worst eating habits imaginable. I never met a dessert or a french fry I didn't like! Sometimes you just have to work a little harder or change your approach. As Dr. Phil, would say you have to get real. The advice here is invaluable. If you make the commitment, and have realistic goals, you too will be on the path to success. I have a bad habit of judging my success by that of others! Remember...this is your journey and no one else's.

Thanks everyone for allowing me to ramble a little here, but this what was on my mind today. Now, I am off to Curves. Have a great day!

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Atkins - 11/03/03 (lost 103 lbs)
Restart Atkins - 11/03/08
269/247/150ish

Wow Meg That's a wonderful post! Thanks. You've done great to get where you are and I know that one button will fasten soon. Your attitude is so motivating to me and others and I think your DH is a He** of a guy for his support of you, however you are. Too many spouses are not like yours.

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my blog

What a great post. I know how you feel. I had a pair of slacks that I was trying for by thanksgiving (made it but they were still a little tight) that are now loose in the butt. I did the fat fast, I had good loss results but wasn't taking in enough fiber which messed me up (now I have the psyllium husks).

Soon enough you'll get into that pink dress. nd then you can go out for a special night to celebrate. I have a long purple evening gown that I kept from my "thin" days...and I wasn't thin but about 275. When I can wear that I am going to do it proudly, even if it's just around the house.

Your DH does sound wonderful and caringly encouraging.

I'm just one of many here that are proud of you and wish you the best.

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Noël


Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrows, it empties today of its strengths.

I read your post with great interest. It reads alot like my life! I gained about 12 pounds over Christmas in just over a week. Like you, I lost that fairly quickly, but I'm still stuck at 4 pounds above my lowest weight last year. I did a re-Induction last October and finished it as TOM was starting, so not sure how much I would've lost if I'd had better timing. My total was 3 whole pounds. And I didn't cheat.

I had my first off-plan day yesterday and boy, do I feel like I'm hung over today. But, I'm not panicked. We know this is a journey and not a race, as Rob has so eloquently put it....so I'm like "whatever", it's no big deal. I didn't really even enjoy it. I felt so tired and gross, I couldn't wait to get back to clean eating.

You had great timing with this post. I needed to read this today.

I also am a big follower of Dr.Phil. My group is meeting weekly and discussing the book for the second time. Things are going well. We're writing down our thoughts and feeling about our bodies, weight, ability to control our weight, etc. right now.

My doctor's appointment is March 4. I will have my thyroid retested. I really want to lose this weight. Maybe I need to get up from here and get on that homegym I bought!
Thanks for sharing your experience. It helps others to see themselves in your story of success.

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meg- thanks so much for taking the time and energy to share your thoughts here. and as far as success goes, i sure see it there! it's not hidden in the last button of your pink dress, although i understand the importance of such milestones: they aer a way for us to measure progress that we can't minimize, deny, and ignore. because that's how we get depressed: we see failure that isn't there.

but the truth of it is elsewhere: you feel in control of your eating, your relationship with food, and your life. you are putting energy into taking care of yourself and improving your life.

THAT is what makes you a success.

i'm so also glad to hear about your husband's support. i'm blessed to have a husband who loves me for who i am, too, and you can't over-estimate how much that kind of loving, caring support can do. i wouldn't question his complete sincerity for a minute; as my husband said when i asked him about my weight loss, "anything that keeps you happy and healthy and around for a very long time, i'm all for." he knows i'm happier without the weight, and he wants me happy. i have no doubts that's exactly how your husband feels as well. and like you, i appreciate his caring and support, regardless of what the scale says.

like you, i know the knowledge, support and encouragement that i found here made a huge difference in my journey. i came here to lce with a 30-pound loss "under my belt" (or out from under my belt? allowing me to wear a belt? i dunno.) but regardless, i know i wouldn't have had the level of success, at the rate i've had, without all the help along the way. and for me, one of the most important helps i get is reading posts like yours.

so thank you, both for the kind comments that mean so much to me, but also the perspective that we can always use an infusion of.

you're already successful in my book. and i'm looking forward to seeing even more of the same for you in your journey. thanks for sharing your thoughts. love out to you.

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EatSmart Nutritional Scale Review

Meg-Thank you for sharing. I know exactly how that feels to see the "stuff in the closet" fit. You are a success! Even if that last button would never match the button hole, you have lost weight, you are in control of your eating and your life and you area taking care of yourself...that makes you successful. Keep up the great work and soon that last button will match teh buttonhole and you will have one more success to add to your list of accomplishments!

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Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

Meg, I am honored that you mentioned me in your fabulous post. You wrote from your heart . . . and touched mine. Everyone pretty much said what I would say . . . you ARE a success . . . and you are lucky to have such a supportive and loving husband. We will all get to our goals . . . together! Please write the minute that last button buttons!

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Alida
5'1" ~ 59 years old
Highest weight: 165
Atkins 7/10/2004
160/126/125
RE-DO, January 2008:
167/162/135

I appreciate the wonderful comments. As Alida said, I did write from my heart, which is sometimes difficult to do because it makes you vulnerable. However, I have found it really helps you to make the connection with others.

Most of my family, friends, etc. would never consider me introverted or shy, but there are some things that have always been taboo with me...one thing is my weight and issues with food. I find that when you confront these issues and deal with them layer by layer, then you can start the healing process.

Again, thanks for allowing me to share with you. It helps me and I hope that it will help others along the way.

BTW, Noel, I am sorry I didn't include you with my special thanks...that's what happens when you start naming names...you are an inspiration to me too. I can't imagine the challenges of being a single mom on a tight budget. You have made great strides and will continue if you keep hanging around this awesome group of people!

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Atkins - 11/03/03 (lost 103 lbs)
Restart Atkins - 11/03/08
269/247/150ish

Meg, your post was wonderful. You do feel vulnerable because you've posted your innermost thoughts & feelings for everyone to see. I personally want to thank for you taking the time to share your story, I needed it.

This is great...

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Ozzie's Place

Your story means a lot to us, Meg. Congrats on your commitment, and thank you for sharing the journey.

Hope you'll post a picture of you in that pink dress, with your caring husband at your side, when you reach that milestone.

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Barb L.
Atkins since Jan 2003
Maintenance as of 4/05


My Fitday Journal

You know, I have a closet that is full of old suits that I still can't wear. I think I might actually have WEIGHED MORE back when I was wearing them, years ago. But they don't fit. My body proportions have changed. (More top-heavy, less bottom-heavy.)

The nice thing is, I'm much more comfortable with my size and weight right now than I was back then. I'd still like to get into those suits, and I think that may happen sometime this year, but if it doesn't, no sweat. (Besides, they are very much out of style. I would just look goofy.)

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"And so, in my State of the—my State of the Union—or state—my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation—I asked Americans to give 4,000 years—4,000 hours over the next—the rest of your life—of service to America. That's what I asked—4,000 hours."

Speaking of out of style....

In 1967, I bought a suede dress that looks gorgeous on me. Worth the "fortune" I spent for it. I think it was about $65. Ha ha!

Anyway, over the years, that dress has been in an out of style several times. But rarely has it been in style at the same time I've been able to fit into it.

I see it coming back in about 2007. I'll be ready!

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Barb L.
Atkins since Jan 2003
Maintenance as of 4/05


My Fitday Journal

Barb, That is really funny! I can certainly relate, because that pink dress is now back in style -- at least the color -- so I better get busy before I have to wait another 14 years! LOL!

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Atkins - 11/03/03 (lost 103 lbs)
Restart Atkins - 11/03/08
269/247/150ish

I spent most of the day Saturday going through my "small" clothes. All of these were purchased between 1982-1990 or so. Can you say BIG shoulders? I have kept them all these years because they were all so $$ and I did not have the heart to give them away. My life style was so different then . . . all dresses and suits with skirts. And that was when I actually wore HIGH heels. But they FIT! And I have a good tailor who can change out some of the shoulders. All these clothes (13 BLACK skirts, I mean, my God, how many black skirts did I think I needed?) and no where to wear them!! One thing for sure, next wedding, bar mitzvah or funeral, will NOT require any new clothes!

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Alida
5'1" ~ 59 years old
Highest weight: 165
Atkins 7/10/2004
160/126/125
RE-DO, January 2008:
167/162/135