Sat this morning in a meeting that was very emotional and very long...snacking on my almonds and downing my water. While in my meeting, I found my little inner voice praising my efforts as those around me ate doughnuts and drank OJ...realizing they didn't even appeal to me.

As lunchtime neared, our Dietician offered to buy us all lunch from our kitchen and I reminded him I was on Atkins and couldn't have just anything. To my amazement, cheeseburgers and fries arrived for everyone *sigh*. Sad part is...I said to myself "I can handle this!!". Began by eating the cheeseburger with no bun with a little bit of mustard over it...all while hearing my little voice cheering me on. Then suddenly the voice got further and further away as I found myself eating french fries without even realizing it. I kept telling myself I shouldn't be eating them, they aren't good for me, they taste awful....but it was too late and 5 of them were in my stomach.

What amazed me about this experience is yes I beat myself up, but for once in my life I took responsibility...owned the situation of what I did and know the consequences I will face...and will not let it become my reason to give up this WOL.

What I do hope though, is that a day will come....hopefully sooner than later....that my little inner voice will become my complete way of thinking and that something within me will not dismiss it so easily as it did today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Atkins as of 1/9/04
340/320/145 (someday I'll see it!!!)

80 sticks of butter GONE and I'm not looking for them!!

You only ate 5 of them? I think that you should pat yourself on the back, it could have been the whole platter!
But I know what you mean, Many times I have put food from the table in my mouth and not even realized it. I also would like to see the day when I never mindlessly eat what I really don't need or want!
The good thing is, you're not quitting this woe.
Jackie

Darlin'
You know, I so appreciate the honesty of your posts. You own up to your slips and I can tell you're learning so much about yourself and your "inner demons". Needless to say, I am learning a lot from you! You keep it up, keep learning and growing and becoming healthier and healthier.

I'm 10 weeks into this new WOE and I can tell you, I'm struggling mightily. I've done really well to begin with and have lost consistently. I am exercising a bit irregularly, but I'm trying. The thing is, the success has kinda made me relax, if that makes sense. I've stuck with this program pretty well so far, with only a few off plan eating here and there, but as the days and weeks go by, my off plan eating comes more frequently and then I feel bad about it. I'm learning that I have to really focus and become almost obsessed with my eating in order to stay the course. I feel like I'm trading one obsession (over-eating), for another (LC eating) Why must eating become an obsession? I'm getting to the place where this WOE is all I think about...

Anyway, in all my rambling, i just wanted to say that this--at least for me, and it sounds like you probably can relate--will probably be an ongoing struggle. And I appreciate, if that doesn't sound too selfish, hearing from folks that are struggling too. My friends and co-workers are all saying how proud they are of me, yet they don't really know the intensity of the struggle I'm going through. It helps when I read posts like yours to know that I'm not alone and this ain't easy. Am I making sense?

Cherub
304/277/160
5'9"
Started Atkins 01/04/04

PERFECT sense Cherub!!! I too believe this will be an ongoing journey of awareness. I look at it this way...it took me 33 years to learn my previous WOE...I can't expect my 8 weeks of this WOL to reverse that.

Oh...I also tried to start a private topic with you, not sure I did it right tho LOL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Atkins as of 1/9/04
340/320/145 (someday I'll see it!!!)

80 sticks of butter GONE and I'm not looking for them!!

Knowles Darlin,

You are making huge strides on your journey. Making ones' mind over takes time. Ingrained habits don't disappear instantly no matter how much we want them to. Most people leave a bad habit over time. Each time we slip do an inventory like you did and ask

Was it worth how I feel now?

What could I have done differently?

What was the trigger? (I can't stand to waste food, self destructive tendency, fear of success, forgot that stuff makes me fat)

Hopefully each relapse gets farther and farther apart until it doesn't happen anymore. We have formed a new automatic groove in our brain.

Again, I am proud of you for being objective and learning from this experience instead of beating yourself up over something you can't change.

Kerry

LOL, I don't know how to do it either! Try sending me an email, it's listed in my profile. Looking forward...

Cherub
304/277/160
5'9"
Started Atkins 01/04/04

LOL Cherub at the top of each forum you have tabs...go to "My Space" then to "Private Topics"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Atkins as of 1/9/04
340/320/145 (someday I'll see it!!!)

80 sticks of butter GONE and I'm not looking for them!!