I've been thinking back to a conversation hubby and I had Friday nite while driving and it really has brought up some questions for me.

We were discussing the issue of weight as related to self esteem. In this, I realized that I largely equate my self esteem/self worth on my weight/appearance. I've always been one of these people whom have never felt "good enough" for a lot of things... including my parents, my first husband, my friends and myself. It was only in the last year that I've taken ownership of my relationships with others and looked deeper within myself than simply my weight. I've realized since starting this WOL just how much I was able to hide myself behind my weight. Using it as a shield to keep others from knowing the true me.

My hubby had made a comment that hurt at first, but makes sense now. He said he doesn't think he would give me a second glance on the street if we passed as he does some women. Sure it hurt at the time...but why would he? Me being someone who doesn't have a lot of self confidence obviously wouldn't carry myself that way. If I'm hiding behind my weight, how are people supposed to get to know me or feel they can? It's sad really....when I sit and think about it, I realize all the wonderful people who have probably passed in and out of my life quickly all because I hid and didn't allow them the opportunity.

I am blessed with a hubby who is someone who truly looks beyond the physical when getting to know people. I wish I could be as open as he is...because I know myself, I look the other way at some people based on their looks, never giving them a chance. Yet I sit here and condemn those who base who I am by what they see, not who I am.

What a hypocracy...and yet, another goal for myself.

[This message was edited by Knowles' Darlin on 03-18-04 at 02:24 PM.]

__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Currently Pregnant and expecting bundle of joy the week before Christmas

KD
I don't think the way you feel makes you a hypocrite...just makes you human. Isn't it amazing what happens when we start looking inside ourselves for the reasons why we do certain things? Methinks you have turned a BIG corner in your journey. And...96 sticks of butter gone ain't nothin' to sneeze at either!

__________________
"Live strong." ~ Lance Armstrong
SLEEP BE DAMNED! GET THY BUTT TO THE GYM!
Start Atkins 9.1.03
225/198/130ish

You know...I use to work with someone who was 5'9 and around 350 lbs...but she had such a beautiful personality and made me laugh so much and carried herself so well, I never even thought of her as being fat...never. That was always the furtheest thing from my mind when I hung around with her...and she was very, very beautiful as well...maybe if she hadn't carried herself as well as she did and she had a rotten personality, I might have linked that to her being overweight...but she had high self esteem as well...and she was even dating a model at the time we were working together...

It's amazing what happens when you decide to be happy - no matter what. I did that when I still weighed around 175 lbs and it was amazing the questions people asked - why are you so happy? Are you in love? (this was before my dh and I got togehter) Why do you have such a glow on your face? Are you sure you're not in love? Is there someone new in your life that we don't know about?, etc etc... I got a thrill out of people asking those questions, trying to figure out what could make me so happy!

One other thing I have noticed - people treat you differently by the way you dress as well. I've been told that people who dress up always feel more confident and sure of themselvs...I find that to be true 'cuz I have to look really nice for work, and I always feel more sure of myself when I'm dressed nice...however, I do enjoy wearing those jeans, showing off my figure!

Sheyla

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> In this, I realized that I largely equate my self esteem/self worth on my weight/appearance. I've always been one of these people whom have never felt "good enough" for a lot of things... including my parents, my first husband, my friends and myself. It was only in the last year that I've taken ownership of my relationships with others and looked deeper within myself than simply my weight. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Knowles' Darlin - {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

That is EXACTLY how I have felt about myself since I was like 14. I could cry just thinking about all the years I've waisted...but, life is a journey and had I not lived through the bad years, I wouldn't know to appreciate these good ones!

I am so blessed to have a wonderful DH like yours who truly looks at someone's heart for their beauty. He has taught me to do the same.

I am also BLESSED to have found this Forum to "talk" to people like you!

{{{HUGS}}} You keep going and I'll keep going and we'll all keep getting better!

__________________
Suzanne (Atkins - 1/9/04)
195/168/145

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>...I largely equate my self esteem/self worth on my weight/appearance... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Welcome to my world.

I composed an epistle in response to your post. Seriously. I typed it in Word and it came out to be four pages in length. I knew I would never post it here, yet it was cathartic as hell just typing it.

You have re-opened a wound that continues to fester, and I'm glad you did. I just want to tell you something, Knowles'....

When I lost over 160 pounds, I lost my identity. I had no clue who the woman was in the mirror staring back at me. I got used to not looking at myself in the mirror because I was disgusted at my tonnage. When I finally took a good look after low carbing for nearly 2 years, I realized for the first time in my life that I had a waist. I still have trouble sometimes realizing that I am the one who wears the small skirt that I pull from the dryer. I hold it up and think: "Hmmm. This is a tiny waist. This cannot be mine."

I just wanted you to know that I'm so very glad that you have the courage to say what you feel in your posts. Weight loss and self image/self esteem go hand-in-hand. I had to learn to be comfortable in my new skin. And I am happy now...most times.

Please continue to post so that we can see the true you. I, for one, am glad that I'm getting to know who you are through your posts.

Thank you.

__________________
April

The face of a child can say a lot -- especially the mouth part of the face.

My Blog

Knowles,
Read some of my posts in my journal titles--Mirror, Mirror on the Wall. I struggle with this all the time. I don't like the way I look, though others don't think I look as bad as I think I do. I fight this all the time. I think it is part of who I am and who I will become and I am 34 so it is not like I am a kid who needs some growing time yet! I thought at 105 in the 9th grade I was fat though too! These things go hand in hand and it is part of solving the puzzle that makes us gain in knowledge about ourselves and how others see us and react to us. It is retraining our eye to see us as we really are, not as we think we are!

__________________
Lori

232/190/130
My other journal http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=1130

ty everyone...I'm on that journey to realization.

Like April, I think this is probably a festering sore for a lot of us and one which we will continue to battle even after making goal. And don't worry April, I'm not going anywhere

__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Currently Pregnant and expecting bundle of joy the week before Christmas

The journey to loving yourself "regardless" of everything is long and full of potholes. Take heart in the fact that your DH sees the real you.

By the way you have a beautiful smile, thanks for sharing it with us.

__________________
Libby

2004 174/142/138

Begin Again 2007

164/159/142