I think maybe that's what it is..... i'm scared to be thin... there are all kinds of things i want to do if i'm thin.. what if i don't do them? what if certain things i think will be good if i'm thin won't change? what if i go crazy and just want to go dancing every night and turn into some outrageous flirting crazy machine?
does losing wieght make you look younger or older? and another thing.... i don't know if anyone else gets this... but i HATE it... everyone always says.. " you have such a beautiful face" in an almost sad manner... like what's that pretty face doing on top of THAT body... wow, i think i'm scared... just venting everyone.. sorry...
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porcelain

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>...my mind says.. uh-oh, getting cute again, can't let this happen... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yeah, in order for you to stop the sabotage, you need to find out why you "can't" let yourself get cute. Could it be that someone from your past has told you that it's "wrong" to be cute, so you're "obeying" that directive rolling around your head? Only you know the answer to that.

Without trying to open up Pandora's Box here, take it from someone who's been down that road: self image/self esteem and weight issues go hand-in-hand. Know this: you are worth every ounce of energy you are spending upon yourself to look and feel better physically, and whether you know it or not, you're toning yourself up emotionally in the process.

Every person I've ever met who has lost a significant amount of weight has become a stronger person emotionally, more willing to stand up for themselves, and has met the challenge of becoming a new person. Sometimes the people in our lives don't like the fact that we become new people physically and emotionally through our weight loss. That's their problem....their insecurities. My marriage ended because of my weight loss. I'm not even going to go there just now.

I just wanted to chime in here with my two cents. Don't be afraid of the person you will become. Be excited. It can only get better from this point forward.

And don't ever let ANYONE tell you that you "can't" do something....not even the voice in your head telling it to you. You can do it. You're allowed to. Believe it.

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April

The face of a child can say a lot -- especially the mouth part of the face.

My Blog

thank you april.. you gave me a lot to think about... you are one of my big inspirations on here, you have lost sooo much and you look just great!

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porcelain

What I do, is hang a real "sexy, and thin" me, on the fridge, and one in my car (just in case), I also have one in my wallet, so when I go shopping, I remember.

Seeing that picture, and then looking at me now, is enough to help.

I just started doing this about a month ago, when I found myself cheating a little. Haven't since!

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Kristie




remember: weight loss slow and steady wins the race

I wish I had a "real sexy real thin me pic", I had to ask my aunt if I was ever thin, she said I was before my son but I've always been thick and in my mind i was the hugest fattest person, even though I wasn't really, and I guess I just decided to make myself the way I thought I was. I tend to do well for a few days, then eat onion rings, one nite, I never go for the whole gusto, last weekend, my sons best friend's mom came over for a bbq and made 2 pasta salads, I hadn't touched pasta or rice or anything like that since jan, and I didnt want to offend her so I ate a helping, then a second helping .. I stopped myself there, but I really do feel like that was a huge setback, its so hard to be perfect for even a week straight. perhaps its time for a self challenge. *in a Rob Schneider voice* YOUUUUUU CAN DOO IT !

We have made progress and need to acknowledge that in ourselves, maybe we should all make a challenge to be good for 3 days straight, then 4 days etc. Who knows maybe we'll kick the habit.

I too have always been the fat sister, I hated going to family parties because I was always the "fat" sister, and everyone treated me like that. I wanted to be cute and pretty. (and I was) but just didnt think it. I always subconciously compared myself to my sisters and had much self hatred, until very recently, where I overachieved to compensate and to have something that none of them had, money and success, so at last, I was the better one (what stupid thinking), so after the dotcom bust, I've been grounded both emotionally and physically. I always wondered if I was alone in all of this and reading everyone's little stories, I guess we are all together in this.

Thank god we have each others support Little steps and permenant successes !

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2001 = 230 lbs
1/2003 - 218 lbs
1/2004 - 187 lbs
current 195/goal 150

There are so many reasons to sabotage ourselves.

Am I scared? Yes, I am petrified. I think I will fail AGAIN!! And then, I will be the loser I think I am, but the loser not in a good way...I mean not a weight loser. And if I fail again, the next time I will just get even fatter.

Am I afraid of being thin? Heck yes! I am a teaser and a clown. People accept that now because I am fat. They don't feel threatened. They understand I am joking because I like to...not because I am trying to be sexy...because heck, I couldn't be sexy if I tried. But a long time ago, when I got down to 160, I remember...WOMEN not men, treating me different. Like, if I was joking, I was flirting or something. I was a rival instead of the comforting supportive friend. Maybe I am exaggerating, but it seemed odd. People like me when I am overweight. Maybe it's me. Maybe I like me overweight. But I want to be more active and as I get older that is harder when you are overweight. In the process of this journey I want to be start to get to know and like the thin me. The person that doesn't have to be everyone's anchor. The person that may act sexy if she wants to. The person that is not a caricature.

I guess men will treat me different, so will women, and maybe even I will be different, but it is time to shed the walls and find the butterfly underneath.

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Peace, Joanna
Atkins since 12/3/03
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