Calling all moms...I need some advice..

[phinixis]

Hello everyone, I am writting to get some advice maybe and I know that ultimatley I will have to make this descision on my own but if anyone can help me with any timbits of wisdom to ease my mind I would appriciate it.

I have always been on the fence about having a baby for no particular reason. Since I am turning 30, me and dh have been seriously talking and I am on board and then...get scared and worried and the change my mind....lol. Then the next day is different and so on. I am the one who brought up the conversation and he is not pressuring me either way. We are financially and emotionally ready for a baby but how do I get over this fear and just go for it? Does everyone feel this way? I really need some insight if other people have felt this way and what they did to ease their minds.

Thanks for any advice anyone can give me, like I said I know no one can really make this choice for us but us, but this might help me abit.

[phinixis]

Anyone??

[pianomom2003]

I think most of us were a little scared. I mean, it's not like kids (or the future, for that matter) come with a guarantee. Do you like kids? (not just babies, but kids -because they don't stay babies for very long). It's not always easy; sometimes it's really hard. But isn't anything worthwhile? All I can say is that I've never regretted it. I wouldn't trade our kids for anything.

[ckbond66]

My DH and I waited for 7 years after we married to have kids. It was by choice so that we could really know each other. Now we have two boys ages 10 and 7. I won't lie to ya, your entire life will change, almost nothing will be the same. But the changes are good. It's a new chapter in your life. I guess you could write down your worries or concerns or whatever scares you when you start feeling scared. Then put the list away for a while. Then bring the list back out when you're feeling positive and discuss it with your DH. See if the items on the list are valid. After all, it does need to be a decision you make together. We all got scared before getting pregnant, but the minute you find out that you are, it's amazing how your feelings change. My best advice is to make informed decisions - TOGETHER. And Pray about it, the answer will come one way or another. Good Luck.

[phinixis]

Thanks that is a good idea, I am not too sure what I am so scared of I guess it is alot of little things, I figure the more info I got on here since you are all unbiased and always have such great advice would maybe help me a bit. We have been together now for 12 years and married for 10 so I know our relationship is strong. I know it is different when they are your own, so I hear....lol.

[QueenMama]

I've never felt hesitant in having a baby. We have 3, and I never regretted having them. We started early, and perhaps because we were so naive, we were too dumb to be scared! Yes, raising a child can be scary, but it can also be the best thing to happen to you.

If you wait until the time is right, it might be too late!

Motherhood is not for everybody, but the fact that you are considering having a family shows that you are probably ready for it. The fact that you are asking questions shows that you are probably ready for it.

It's a lot of hard work to have a baby. Pregnancy is hard work, taking care of an infant is hard work, chasing a toddler is really hard work, helping with homework, worrying when they are out when they're teenagers, then worrying when they get married and start their own family.......you'll seldom get a good night's sleep, that for sure! But having a baby is like no other experience you'll ever have, and if you feel that you are ready for the long-term commitment, then jump in and do it.

It's an exciting road to take, and you never know what's up ahead, but if you don't take that road, will you regret it later?

Keep us posted. It's certainly none of our business what you decide, but if you do decide to have a baby, we all want to be here for you during your pregnancy.

[phinixis]

Thanks for the advice Nita, Since I almost cried while readin this post for no reason ...I think I might and probably am ready...lol.. Thanks for the offer oh help I think I will need it

[lkvercher]

I too had my children young..did not have time to be scared..since all three were pleasant surprises..Not one on planning..I try and let God do the planning for me...and he did!! But really, Motherhood is the greatest thing in the world. Look at it this way..You will be the angel here on earth that God has chosen to take care of another one of his children.....everything Nita posted is so true...its hard work...once a mom always a mom..but honey, it is so worth it!

[Maggie]

I was young, too. A considered decision, but it probably looks different at 20 than 30.

I agree with the above. If you're ready for a lifetime commitment ... trust me, my "boys" are 36 and 37. It changes over time, but your kids are still your kids.

For me, it's been (and continues to be) a wonderful trip.

(I'm going to move this thread to the women's forum with a re-direct, since motherhood seems like a particularly "woman" type issue. LOL!)

[Lawbooks]

Ditto all the above here... I have never regretted for a moment having children.
I now have 3 girls and they mean the world to me.

I agree with the sentiment that things worth having often come with a little work and a little sacrifice... Children are no exception. I think the *hardest* thing is that you can no longer be selfish. You are forced to *grow up* yourself once you have children because now you are responsible for another life. But I promise you this: You will never know love like the love you have for your child and that makes having to grow up worth it!
It truly is amazing.
I was young (24) and very scared/nervous and VERY neurotic! I dealt with this by reading EVERYTHING I could get my hands on about becoming a mom. I took "First-Time Moms" classes through my local hospital, too. All of this helped.

It's not an *easy* decision, but I don't know a single soul who has ever regretted it -- no matter how many misgivings they had beforehand.
I wish you peace and success whatever your decision.
{{{hugs}}},

[Kumus]

Again, ditto to all the above. We had our first child in June and the following September celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. It was a miracle that we had children, during a fertility work-up I found out I was expecting! Our life before children was good, but after we had our two boys, our home was complete.

Nita said it well about pregnancy, giving birth, caring for an infant, raising a child is hard work, but the most rewarding job you'll ever have. Education is to be considered. Health care. I chose to leave the workforce and stay home with our boys until they were in school full-time. All of it factors in.

I can't imagine growing old just DH & I, without our family. We have been blessed with two sons, who are both grown and in college. It's awesome to grow with them through the stages of life. It can be a bumpy ride, but a good one.

Best wishes to you!

[phinixis]

all this info is so great!! thanks for all the help. WE have decided that we are going to try to have a little baby!!! You have all made me feel better thou and I am so greatful for all the re-assurance.

xoxoxoxox

[Goddess]

my thought is that if you're not having mixed feeling about having a child, you're probably not taking it seriously enough.

it's one of those experiences that are difficult to share the essence of with someone who hasn't been through it. sort of like the first time someone moves out on their own, only bigger and more permanent.

i wasn't someone who even wanted children, but life had other plans for me. after having them, well...you know, i wouldn't trade the experience for anything. on the other hand, i also think my life would have been fine without children. i'm not someone who would have felt empty without the motherhood experience, but it has enhanced my life in many ways. i love the holy heck out of my kids. some days, it's great. other days, it's not as easy. but i'm not sorry to have 'em, even on the worst days.

that being said, i'd be a liar if i didn't admit i'm also looking forward to the empty nest syndrome. but maybe that's just me...

if i were you, i'd ask myself what it is that you expect to get out of the experience, and what you'd want to offer the child/children as well. some people go into it with an expectation of having these little people that will always love them, add fun, sunshine, blah blah blah. well, sure, they do. they also bring headaches, worries, frustrations, etc. you know? they are people first, and your children second.

the fact that you're taking it seriously is good. if you do opt to have children, your thoughtfulness will help you with the changes that come with parenthood. it does bring a different experience of love into your life, and you'll find yourself caring about those little munchins in a way you didn't realize was possible. this can be blissfully wonderful and it can totally suck, depending.

if i had it to do over again myself, i wouldn't change anything, though.

wow. what an apporopriate topic to think about just after mother's day.

good luck on making your own decision.

[Goddess]

oh, i missed your decision post somehow when i was writing the resposne. good luck!

[phinixis]

Thats okay Goddess, I still value opinions and they all add to my descision. I just was asking a question to which I really just wanted other peoples points of view and thats what I recieved and I can take from it what I can. Trust me no one could be more serious than me about making this descision and It is not something that I am taking lightly. I didn't post on here after one day of thinking oh that would be great , lets have some kids...lol. I guess I was 90% sure when I first posted but after lots of talking and deliberation we are now at 100%, I mean I am sure it is natural to have mixed feelings in the begining for most people, but I am looking forward to the amazing experience we will have once we get pregnant. I would just like to say thank you once again to everyone you all sound like you are great mom's :o)