My Fertility specialist is getting me down...

[ThePippinator]

This is my first post and I hope you will forgive the length of this. I feel so alone right now and thought that maybe one of you have been where I'm at.

My husband and I have been TTC for over a year now. Time is not on our side...I'm nearly 38 and he's 48. We met about 2 years ago and we both hadn't ever been married before or had any children. It is a miracle that the Lord brought us together and we are so grateful for what we have been given.

We never suspected that there might be a problem with me because my TOM is very regular, every 26 days, like clockwork. We had a sperm test, and his count is very low. We decided to see a fertility specialist to see what our options are. I was completely comfortable with the fact that it was my husband's issue, but when we got there, they turned the spotlight on me, and there has been nothing but bad news since!

After testing, we found that one of my fallopian tubes is blocked. So, we have essentially 4 problems: low sperm count, blocked tube, my ovaries are showing their age, and the one my doctor keeps focusing on: my weight.

I am over 100 pounds overweight (so is my husband). He was diagnosed in January with Type 2 Diabetes, and we have completely changed our lives in response. We have really embraced the LC WOL and are following it to the letter. We are exercising 7 days a week, getting him to all of his dr. appointments, taking vitamins and supplements and are committed to this WOL. He is doing great...lost over 30 pounds so far. The weight loss for me has been SLOW (I even gained 2 pounds during my second week of induction), but I am convinced that this is the right WOL for us.

The fertility specialist keeps focusing on this factor...take glucophage because my PP GTT was high, IVF would have to be done in the hospital because anesthesiologist would find it too risky, the weight is playing a factor in why I'm not getting pregnant, etc. I know he would rather we wait to try anything, but frankly, we don't have the time.

It could take 2 years for me to get to a normal weight, and then we would still be dealing with the other 3 problems, and I'd be 40! I feel dismissed by his attitude. I cried bitter tears in his office yesterday. I know it was my own bad food and lifestyle choices that got me here, but my weight isn't the only factor, and I feel like he can't seem to get off this topic. I've already made the change in my heart, but the outward changes WILL take time! Am I not allowed to desire the same natural things other women do because I'm so fat?

I'm heartbroken and would love to hear from someone. Please forgive me for going on.

Lori
loriandsam@netzero.net

[DebbyH]

Lori,

I am so sorry. Please know that you will be in my prayers.

Debby

[huskersfan869]

My heart aches for families incomplete without children. I was lucky--I managed to get pregnant after they told me it would "never" happen. I have only one and would love another but I know the heartache of wanting a child. While the risk is higher of complications 40 is NOT too old, you just have to be more careful and the doctors have more to think about. Take the weight off as you can--but keep trying and don't give up hope. YOu are in my prayers.

232/201.5/130

http://lowcarbeating.infopop.cc/6/ub...&ul=8176094385

If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it!

[jestey]

Oh, Lori, I can hear your sadness! You are taking all the right steps, and you are right, it will take some time to get to a lower weight, but there is nothing you can do to change that. I can't tell from your post if doc will not do IVF because of your current weight, or if he is just reluctant due to risk factors. If he is trying to prepare you for failure due to the risk factors, fine - tell him you understand, but shut up, let's get on with it (unless financial or other factors make this an inappropriate course of action). If he is refusing to do a procedure, I think you need to listen to him and try as hard as you can to accept that you will need to wait a little longer. You do NOT want to endanger your health to have a child - that is not fair to your child and will shortchange you and your husband, too.

I can tell you that this WOE may be a godsend to you in terms of outlook and new lease on life. You may be in the "glacier club" in terms of rate of loss, but I bet you feel better physically due to better eating and exercise.

My very best wishes to you - I know this is such a painful time for you. Please check in often so we know how you are doing.

Jen
175/129/120

[jackiep]

Hi Lori, I am living proof that 40 is not too old to have a baby, my Mom was 40 when she had me. Relax and keep trying, and as for the weight I was 230 when I got pregnant, and 37 yrs old, I had no problems with the pregnancy and as for my husband he was 51. maybe you should seek a second opinion? Whatever you do I wish you the best, don't loose faith miricles DO happen!{{{hugs}}}

Jackie

[ThePippinator]

Debby & Huskersfan, I covet your prayers. You are so sweet to offer them. And Jackie, Thanks for the hug! Your success story just might help me relax. I am currently 287, but committed to continuing downward, whether we conceive or not.

I have known a number of women who have conceived and carried babies while carrying a lot of extra pounds. I just wish my doctor wouldn't treat me like I was a leper or some anomaly not worthy of reproducing. I have another appointment tomorrow morning (lucky him!), and Jestey, I'm gonna take your advice. He is not refusing to do anything, but probably trying to "scare me straight". If he wants to shame me about my current weight, then he can just get in line...I fight those feelings everyday anyway! I have been so confident about how I feel and how we are exercising and how we are adapting so successfully to this WOL. It was devastating to be dragged back into the shame-chamber, so to speak.

Thank you so much for your replies...I didn't know where else to turn. Well-meaning friends are killing me with platitudes, and they really can't understand the deep regret I am feeling right now. A gal today suggested that I undergo gastric bypass...can you believe that?!? Not only is it extremely dangerous and drastic, but how could I expect to nourish a growing baby with a stomach the size of a golf ball?

Lori
297/287/165

[jestey]

Best of luck to you, Lori, I have been thinking about you.

Jen
175/129/120

[Paleofornow]

Lori, best of luck to you and lots of hugs.

You're doing great - you lost 10 pounds already. I had my two youngest at ages 40 and 43, and was well over 200# with both pregnancies. Stay with your woe and exercising, and don't give up, you do still have time.

Alice

[Lawbooks]

Lori,
{{{{hugs}}}}

I will be praying for you and your dh. I can hear your pain in your post and it just makes me sad.
Can I just say this?
Even though your weight is very likely playing a role in your not getting pregnant, that does not mean that you won't be able to get pregnant until you lose it all.
What I mean is this: Keep eating low-carb (strict). Drink LOTS of water (half your weight in ounces per day). Take your prenatals (even though you are not pregnant yet. And maybe go on a natural hormone regulator (like Barlean's Essential Woman supplement -- available at most health food stores).
You may have to lose 20-50 pounds, but there *IS* a chance that your hormones will normalize even while still being overweight. I am basing this on everything I have read in the past two years about PCOS.
You should be reading everything you can get your hands on regarding PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). Whether or not they are using that term, if your dr. is concerned about the role your weight is playing in your fertility struggles, I guarantee that is what he is thinking.
There are a couple of lengthy threads in this forum regarding this disorder. Read them and check out the links.
Most of all, don't lose hope. KEEP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!

Yes, you face many obstacles, but there is always a *chance* that the weight is the key factor. Don't see that as a criticism of YOU, but as a glimmer of hope... the weight is something you can DO SOMETHING about.
{{{hugs}}} again and I wish you the best of luck!

[Leasa]

Lori, I just wanted to tell you it can happend for you. I wish I had alot of specifics to share with you, but a dear friend of mine was told in her early 20's she would never have children. Several years later she went to a fertility place and while it took 3 go rounds with IVF, she did conceive. In fact her daughter was only a few months old and she became pregnant with her son! My friend was well in excess of 200lbs before becoming pregnant, and I know she was even heavier going into her second pregnancy. I think Summer had some great advice, you dont have to lose all 100lbs to get pregnant, but keep working on it, and if you want IVF dont let your dr discourage you.
Leasa

[ThePippinator]

Thank you, Summer & Leasa( & everyone!!), for your thoughtful replies. I can't let this doctor's attitude defeat me. Ideally, we would both be younger, I would be skinnier, and we wouldn't be dealing with low sperm count or blocked tubes. But the fact is that this is reality. Whether or not the fault is mine or nature's, we still have these issues. "Thank you for your warnings, Doctor...now, let ME deal with the weight...you do what you can with the rest."

I have read most of the PCOS posts, and have found this entire forum to be so helpful, especially the women's forum. I know losing weight will improve so many aspects of my health. I am so excited for your pregnancy and the others here. If the Lord will allow me to conceive, I have every intention of low-carbing (NOT KETOSIS) my way through the pregnancy, and I'll need the experience of others here to do that!

I had my appointment yesterday, told my doctor to MOVE ON, and they started me on clomid. Because of our other problems, we are going to try AI. I'm praying that works, because IVF is way out of our budget right now.

However, I do have a question. They want me to take glucophage. My fasting BS was 97 and I don't have diabetes, but the 2 hour BS was 140, which he says was too high. I was initially offended by the suggestion to take diabetes meds, but the nurse told me it just helps egg quality? I'm a little confused by how that will affect the WOE.

Gratefully,
Lori

297/285/165

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles - I'm in the same boat. If you don't feel that your doctor is giving you the support and encouragement you need, DUMP HIM! Find another - you don't need to feel any negativity throughout this. In re the glucophage, you should check out the tons of communities and resources on the web about PCOS, such as the PCOS Cafe forum on inciid.net. Good luck!

[ThePippinator]

Hello, All!
I just thought I'd let you know I bullied my doctor into "getting on with it"! I've been on Clomid, and we might even get to do AI this week...just waiting for those "two purple lines" on my test strip. I have so enjoyed the posts on the Pregnancy forum, and I hope to join it soon! EmilyAnne and Debby, you are in my thoughts.

Lori
297/281/165

[Ginger]

I'm late responding to this thread since I've been away for longer than I even want to think about.... but I want to wish you luck with the Clomid and share that it worked for me.
I had fairly severe PCOS symptoms and my husband had a low sperm count. We had been trying for over 6 years to have a child. My gyn just wasn't overly concerned since we were "young and had plenty of time" so his tack was to let nature take it's course. I eventually was so heartbroken with the monthly 'maybe it'll happen' and then the crash of reality when TOM would occur... of course not MONTHLY, because that's one of the problems with PCOS, you might skip a month or even two. False hopes of pregnancy and horrid crashes when it wasn't true. So... I found another doctor who was more inline with my own ways of thinking and he put me on Clomid for a 6 month period. The hormone roller-coaster was quite a ride, for sure. At the end of 6 months, I went to see him because he wanted to try another drug if the Clomid didn't work. They did a pregnancy test at the doctor's office and I was told it was negative. I then, depressed and sad, went to sit in his consulting room and waited. He came in, we chatted for a few minutes and he said he wanted to do a quick exam before we committed to the next round of drugs. He performed the exam and then excused himself to go next door to the lab. I dressed and went *back* to the consulting room. When he came through the door, he asked me, "Well, Mrs. Wiggins, do you have a name picked out for this baby?" (During the exam, he'd seen a change in my cervix and had repeated the pregnancy test HIMSELF and it was positive!!!) That was on January 11, 1985. On September 23 of that year, my eldest son was born. Three years and nine months later, his younger brother joined the family (without the aid of fertility drugs).
I hope to hear your story with just such a happy conclusion.
You'll be in my thoughts.

Ginger

[ThePippinator]

Ginger, thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I bet your two boys are a huge blessing to you. I hate that monthly roller coaster of emotions. My TOM is always pretty painful, so the bad news is always accompanied by 3 days of misery. We did the IUI on 3/20, and due to the Clomid, there were 3 eggs in there. My DH already has names picked out...Larry, Mo & Curley! I find out Friday if any of them took at all...the waiting is killing me! I've also made a concerted effort to eat enough good carbs to NOT be in ketosis, so I guess my WOE will be a little bit of a roller coaster each month as well. Thanks for your post!

Lori
Atkins since 1/30/04
297/281/165