The Innocent Addiction

Drugs come in all forms.

Some you smoke, others you snort, many are simple pills or injectable liquids. Mine comes in the shape of a cookie, or a doughnut; sometimes it's a muffin.

You see, I am an addict.

My drug of choice? SUGAR.

I'm not joking and I certainly don't mean to make light of others' struggles with substance abuse, but I take my sugar addiction very seriously.

Perhaps you will find my comparison in poor taste or even laughable, but I want you to consider something before you smirk. What are the essential ingredients of an addiction?

• Using a substance or substances to obtain a high, or feeling of elation/stimulation
• Over-use of a particular substance
• A physical or mental dependency on a substance
• Insistent use or abuse of a substance despite its detrimental effects on one?s health

Notice that the word, illegal is not necessarily part of those definitions. Consider, if you will, alcohol or cigarettes. Neither is illegal; both can be highly addictive.
For some—myself included—sugar can also be extremely addictive.

I used sugar. I had both a physical and mental dependency on this pure white, seemingly innocent, crystal-like substance. I ate way more than is considered normal and I ate it most when I was needing a boost.

If I were depressed or anxious, sugar would calm me and lift my spirits. If I was struggling to stay awake, a candy bar or sugary soda was just the thing to perk me up.
And, sadly, I continued in my addiction despite its ravaging effects on my health.

I was diabetic and overweight, but still I craved it.

Notice I am using the past tense?

Before I began my low-carb way of eating (woe), I was headed down a precarious path with my addiction. I knew what the constant sugar intake was doing to me, but the pull to consume it—in various forms—was overwhelming. I would make promises, give myself ultimatums, determined not to give in to the temptation. Inevitably (it seemed), I would stumble. There were times that my obsession was driven by a tormenting, incessant NEED for something sweet. And I would give in.

After every indulgence, guilt followed and the guilt, in turn, would produce a whole new binge on doughnuts or cupcakes or whatever was readily available until my *stumble* had become a free-fall into an abyss from which I could not (seemingly) rise.

Then I found my new woe.

I liken my low-carb induction to that of a drug-addict's detox. It may not be truly comparable, but in a very real sense, it was a detox. I quit sugar cold turkey and this bold move was followed by headaches and nausea and torturous cravings. I went through days of extreme irritability followed by nights of maddening insomnia.

But when it was over, I felt a calming sense of control over my eating. Eating this way has maintained that control and taken my relationship with food to a whole new level of sanity.

The driving urge to consume sugary treats in hours-long (days?) binges was gone. There was a new peace in my relationship with food and for the first time in my life, I was in control.

Does this mean that I am no longer an addict?

Of course not. Just as an alcoholic will forever be an alcoholic, I will forever be a sugar addict. But just as an alcoholic who has found the power and peace of accountability and support, I too have my circle of support (here at LCE) and they keep me honest. And I have a new way of eating that makes it easier to keep those sugar-demons in check. Additionally, I am no longer diabetic and my weight is slowly, but surely, coming down.

Yes, I have stumbled in my 13+ months of eating low-carb ? just as I have stumbled so many times before in my life. But this time there is a difference.

This time, I got back up.