Fat Baggage - Is Yours Packed?

How do other people's comments affect you on your own journey, anyway? If you've spent a good part of your life overweight, I'd be willing to bet it's more than you may think. Even if you've lost all or most of the weight, you may still carry the sensitivity on all things weight-related with you.

That's what I call Fat Baggage.

Let me tell you a little story to illustrate. I know a lovely, fun-loving, wisecracking chick who is the kind of person who just exudes positive energy. She is also working on her weight. She was (bravely) doing her weightloss work publicly, one of a group whose efforts were being followed in a local media series, so lots of folks knew her story.

One day at the gym, a staff member made a joke. Something about "needing to cut down on the fork-lifting exercise." The commenter probably thought little about it. But to somebody who has felt "less than" because of their weight, to somebody who has suffered and struggled and felt the pain of harsh self-judgment for years...well, that's just not funny, y'kno?

And you know what? That one comment, most likely sent out without malice (and definitely without forethought!), threw her off her game. Even though her routine was working out well for her and the gym was across the street from her job...well, she stopped going altogether. She got upset. When she spoke of it even considerably after the fact, the pain was clear. The pain was also disproportionate to a single, unthinking remark made by someone who maybe ought to know better, but misread her sensitivity on a delicate issue. The remark got packed away in her Fat Baggage.

Fat Baggage is heavy. It weighs you down emotionally, and discourages you when things aren't moving smoothly or easily for you. It can take a bite of sugar and turn it into a 3-day carbfest. It can take a weightloss stall and turn it into a long term failure. And it can take a snippy remark, and turn it into a decision to abandon a healthy, helpful practice. That's sad enough, but even more of a shame when the comments may not even be personal, you know?

Yes, there are some genuinely prejudiced and insensitive jerks out there. There are also a lot of ordinary people who sometimes misjudge the impact of their words because they don't share our experiences. If you haven't hated your own body for years, how could you know how it feels to have that self-disgust tossed back in your face via what's supposed to pass for a joke? And while losing the weight helps, the sensitivity is often just a little under the surface.

But what about when the comments are personal? It's an effort for me at times to remember even when acomment may be directed at me, it's not about me. Any criticisms that comes from outside myself is always about the critic's issues and not my own. And I don't understand why we give "weight" to these remarks. (Ha, ha! Made a funny.) I mean, often, they come from people we either barely know, or people whose opinions on other issues we wouldn't give any more credence than something on alien bat-babies we read in the Weekly World News, man. So why do we let them speak as the voice of reality when it comes to our weight or personal value?

I would like to think I've tossed all my Fat Baggage along with the hundred pounds, but when I'm honest with myself, I know that's not true. Some of it is still sitting in the closet, ready to be trotted out when an experience resonates. Seeing people beat themselves up over a single off-plan choice, seeing folks freak out when the scale doesn't creep downward on a daily basis, or hearing disgusted self-assessments based on weight still throw me sometimes. It's worse when the rant is coming from someone who weighs less than I do, although I know intellectually that weight (and overweight) is a highly subjective and personal experience. I sometimes even find myself reacting emotionally the same was I would if the same judgmental, negative energy was directed at me. I know it makes no sense, but I still feel the punches nonetheless.

Now, when I was heavier, I was often the target of both rude remarks and assumptions about fat people. One of the weird things I noticed was others in general didn't expect me to be bright. Why folks equate excess weight with lack of intelligence, I don't know. (Is it because they think we can't get the famous calories in-calories out baloney? Ya got me.) But this was a routine occurrence for me. People who didn't know me well frequently looked visibly surprised when I opened my mouth and something intelligent came out! While this momentarily annoying, it  didn't hit me in my self-esteem, because I'm exceptionally confident of my intelligence. So I just thought they were clearly ignorant for making such ridiculous assumptions. But let them call me lazy or gluttonous or disgustingly fat, and that's a whole different ballgame, man.

And I think I know the difference: Negative remarks can only creep into our self-experience if, on some level or to some degree, we agree! A friend of mine said something that hit home with me. She told me that she reckons she is the only person who has a right to form a judgment about herself. She also recognizes that sometimes others believe they have that same right...but she forgives them their error. What a great way to look at it!

Even if your body is no longer significantly overweight, your experience will continue to be "fat" if you keep your Fat Baggage packed up. I also believe that the more densely packed your Fat Baggage is, the more difficult it is for you to achieve and maintain the weight you want. Each remark, each painful incident, each negative self-assessment that you pack away and carry with you goes to further the impression that you are incapable of reaching your goals and undeserving of finding peace with your weight.

YOU decide how you feel about every aspect of yourself. So when someone else calls you fat, the question isn't really whether or not they were joking, nor what percentage of the remark was actually jest. The question is whether or not you're going to pack that experience away in your Fat Baggage and continue to carry it around with you, along with all the other hurts you've collected over the years. Or would you rather toss it out along with any other emotional refuse and keep moving on, toward more rewarding experiences and a lighter life?

Love thyself, my friends, and the rest is all so much easier. Peace be with you.