The Pollyanna Challenge

Negative self-talk hurts. It doesn’t motivate. It doesn’t clarify. It doesn’t prompt personal responsibility or better choices or more progress or any other positive outcome. Period.

This is one of those elegantly simple truths, if you ask me. It borders on a no-brainer, except that emotionally, it’s SO easy to slide into the trap—BWAP!—so maybe you should give it a second thought, Sparky.

Successful people see themselves as successful! This isn’t an outcome of their success, it’s a precursor, because the visualizations start long before the actual success begins to manifest. Top athletes frequently visualize themselves performing well before undertaking physical challenges. Top performers in any field will frequently visualize their success when undertaking a new project, or before important milestones. Even not-so-top performers can use this technique to improve.

Now, I know as well as you that it’s tough to visualize success when you don’t feel successful. It’s much easier to chew yourself out and berate all your efforts as meaningless and ineffectual. It’s totally natural to get upset, frustrated, annoyed and short-tempered with yourself when you hit a rough patch, and thoroughly chew yourself out, perhaps.

Think about what you said to yourself the last time you chewed yourself out…got it? Hear it in your head? Gee, don’t you feel more motivated already?

Yeah. I thought not.

Think about it this way: You want to encourage a friend, coworker, kid, neighbor or whoever to change course, improve performance, or correct some poor choices? Ok, tell me then, which tack would you recommend:

• Standard Critisism: “You suck! You’re stupid and lazy and worthless you have done nothing all this time. What’s wrong with you?! I can’t believe how much of a loser you are! ” OR
• Encouraging Talk: “Hey, that didn’t go the way you wanted, but that’s ok. You can learn from it, and next time, it will be easier to make better choices. You’ve improved so much already! I know you can do this!”

We don’t even have to discuss which one would work better now, do we? I hope not! That sort of drives it home, huh? But people do this every day. We holler and scream at ourselves and use language and name-calling and lots of generally unloving energy that we wouldn't use for an errant dog, let alone a friend we value and care for. You need to be a friend to yourself. (Losing weight is an act of self-love. Understand and remember this.)

But back to you, Sparky, and something you may not be recognizing—you ARE on the right track.

Huh?

Fact of the matter is, you ARE successful already. What are you doing right now? Think about it a sec… Well, you’re working on improving. That’s right: just by sitting here and reading this article, you’re doing nothing but feeding your brain some success! You’re putting good thoughts in there that support your efforts. You’re looking for ways to rise above and beyond stumbling blocks to reach your final outcome.

You’re analyzing your choices and learning and thinking and growing. You’re on your journey, for goodness sakes! That’s where your success lies: in the journey. Not at the end of the path. Not a destination. It’s the journey, Sparky. Lots of day-to-day successes stack up to grow into bigger, overall successes. You’re success in motion, baby!

Now, I could sit here and tell you lots of reasons why negative self-talk hurts. And I’d be right (as usual!), but I don’t know that would convince you.

So how about seeing for yourself by taking the The Pollyanna Challenge? You heard me.

Pollyanna Challenge!

It’s easy. For one day, 24 little hours (and you’ll sleep some of ‘em), simply eliminate all negative self-talk. That’s it. End of challenge.

Sound easy? It’s harder than you think if you have lots of negative inner chatter. I expect you may find yourself unconsciously slipping into an old routine here or there. That’s OK. Can’t very well avoid negative self-talk by chewing yourself out for negative self-talk, ‘eh Sparky?

Instead, if you hear yourself spouting some self-directed ragging, just stop, listen and reframe. For example:

That was stupid! Why did I eat that donut? I’m an idiot! –becomes- No, I’m not stupid. I made a choice that doesn’t support my goals. What can I learn from this? How can I make it work for me next time?

I’m just a lazy slob, or I would have gotten in my exercise today. –becomes- I’m not lazy. I thought I was too busy and tired to exercise today, but now I’m feeling down about it. Tomorrow, I think I’ll make time. Maybe today, I can take a short walk after dinner. That will help my mood and provide a little exercise, too…

I don’t know why I can’t resist temptation. I have no willpower! –becomes- I chose to eat that. It didn’t make me feel good, for sure! I didn’t even enjoy it much. Next time, I think I’ll take a pass on that and make choices I feel better about.

You get the picture. Do this for just a day, then go back and review. How do you feel emotionally? Did you make better choices overall than usual when you became a positive self-talker? Was it easier or harder to make helpful choices?

If you try the Pollyanna Challenge, please do share what you learn. Inquiring minds want to know. And for God's sakes, be good to yourself out there, 'K?