Willpower: Can't is a Four-Letter Word

People sometimes congratulate me for my losses, which I appreciate. But then comes the part that strikes me as weird: “I just can’t do what you did. I don’t have the willpower.”

Whoooa. Hold the phone there, Sparky. You think this is some kind of special thing that only a few, select folks with nerves of steel and the resolve of Joan of Arc can do? Pull-eze.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: If losing weight were that much of a pain in the rear, I probably wouldn’t have done it.

If losing weight meant being hungry or not eating foods that I enjoy, then I probably wouldn’t have done it. If losing weight meant I could never have treats any more, I probably wouldn’t have done it. (Wait a minute: that’s how it used to be back in the day. And I didn’t do it then!)

See, here’s the thing—it’s NOT that hard. Really.

Personally, I eat low carb. Mostly, I avoid sugar and white flour. There are a few exceptions to this, like rice, for example. The carbs are outrageous for rice, or I don’t eat many potatoes. Actually, I have been known to consume low-carb junk food, although I have to watch how much because just like real junk food, if you overdo, you’ll pack on some pounds, man. So I don’t do much of that.

Here’s what you do: You start working on changing your habits, a little at a time. Now, that doesn’t sound all that tough, huh? I quit drinking Dr. Pepper and eventually, pseudo-cappuccino. That was like a sugar IV I had going all day long. But I took my time doing that–a week for the pop, and probably a month or two before I quit entirely with the coffee. Before that, I just cut down. The changes I made were like simple and small. I started avoiding the most problematic of foods. But there were times when I ate something that in no way could be considered on-plan. I just ate as much as it took to satisfy my desire to eat it.

But actually, low carb is cool in that way, because after a few days, you quit craving the bread, the sugar, and the junk. Your appetite drops dramatically and your energy level surges. You lose that mid-afternoon, after-lunch. You are clearer. And when you do overeat now, it feels really crummy and your stomach hurts. You get used to eating less.

This is where most of the New Years resolutioner’s blow it: it’s a LITTLE bit at a time, man. It’s gradual. That’s because you’re not in a race to see who can lose those thunder thighs the fastest. It’s not about being the perfect person, suddenly, you know, because we hit that magical date of January first, when all of your normal foibles and whims and urges and appetites suddenly disappear through the sheer force of your determination. That’s what burns your butt out: the overboard overkill, dude.

See, it ain’t the speed of the change. It’s the permanence of the change. It’s not the number of habits you’re dumping. It’s the fact the habits are actually dumped, i.e. replaced by more adaptive behavior. It’s not about self-denial; it’s about saying yes to more functional behavior.

Actually, I pretty much don’t get it anyway. It’s much easier to do things gradually than that gung-ho garbage anyway. And the gradual approach doesn’t require that you denounce yourself as 100% messed up before, either, in need of major overhaul. The gradual approach just says you want to make improvements.

If you wanna lose weight–heck, if you wanna do anything that’s big and takes a long-term commitment–well…just do SOMETHNG. Anything. I don’t care what you choose, except that you have to pick something you know you can live with, long-term. Without much pain. Because if it’s too painful, then the old way starts to look better. Don’t give in to the temptation to pick something big to make the change quicker. Just pick something small to start. You have to pick something that seems pretty easy to you!

So, if you’re following my advice, then here you are, with your one changed habit. That one something that you started doing, and you’ve been doing it a bit, and it’s more than “not that hard.” You’re noticing it has gone from slightly uncomfortable, which change often is, to a natural, normal part of your life. It’s not a big deal, right? Because you choose something small, not painful.

Now, congratulate yourself! Yes, it may not seem like much, but you’ve done better than any time when you exercised like a meth’ed-up squirrel for 3 weeks, only to eventually say, “Screw it.” You know why?

You made a permanent change. You make an actual LIFESTYLE change! And that, my friends, is something to celebrate. Although the benefits any given day from this change may be modest, it will add up over time. It will benefit you the rest of your life. It’s like choosing between getting a thousand dollars today, or one dollar a day for the rest of your life…unless you’re about to kick it, the small but steady is the best deal for you.

“Now what?” you may ask. Or if you’re not asking, you should be. Here’s now what: pick something else, something not too hard or not too painful, one small thing, and change it. A good idea would be building on your last change, if it works out that way. Because step two is easier once you’ve incorporated step one into your daily life. But regardless, this is what you do next. Make it your own.

And again, it’s incorporated into your life. And again, you celebrate your success. With each success, you know you’re stronger, better. You know more and more all the time that yes, indeed, you can and ARE changing your life. You are taking it step by step, and gee. It doesn’t even hurt all that much.

Let’s say you wanted to exercise more. What would be the normal New Year’s blitz? An hour a day, every day? For the two weeks that you force yourself to do it?

What if, this time, you didn’t do that? What if, instead, you just decided to take a fifteen minute walk after dinner, maybe even just on the weekends? While it might feel slightly weird the first couple of times, you’ll find it’s not all that hard. You may even find that you’re enjoying it, after a bit. Maybe you’ll move on to make the walks 30 minutes. You might start walking sometimes during the week, too. You might find, before you know it, that you’re walking darn near all the time and actually loving it.

But if it was a RULE for you, something you had to do and basically symbolized your sense of inadequacy, you think you’d ever enjoy it? I don’t.

You become who you think you are; you become who you tell yourself you are every day. So if you constantly say you “can’t” do this or that…well, OK. I believe you, ’cause as long as you’re saying it, it will be true. And I know you may not start out being 100% sure you “can” either. But give me a “maybe,” because, well, heck. A “maybe” I can work with.

And if you start with a small change, one you don’t find too painful, your “maybe” can turn into a “probably,” which in turns becomes an “I did it!” Which feels good, and moves you to undertake the next step. You never, ever, ever worry about how far you have to go. Always simply celebrate how far you’ve come. The why’s and wherefore’s of the long term will take care of themselves if you take care of today, right now.

You can tell me you don’t want to do it, whatever it may be, and I can agree. But if you tell me you can’t, there’s a pretty good chance I’m gonna think that’s because you are choosing not to do it. ’Cause if the poptart queen can lose over 100 pounds…well geez. You can lose those 15 pounds you’ve been *%#(&* about, right?

Sure you can.