Self-Esteem: Chicken or Egg?

Answer this question as True or False for yourself: "After I lose all this yucky extra weight, I'll feel better about myself."

How many of you agreed with this statement? If you were one of ‘em, Sparky, I've got a surprise for you-it's not true! Losing weight does not make you feel better about yourself! Surprised? I was, too, when I realized this. People often do feel better about themselves after losing weight, but it's not the weight loss that does it. And in learning to differentiate, you can actually lose weight easier and be more likely to keep it off, not to mention become happier in the process.

Confused? Big promises? Not to worry. Goddess ain't gonna leave you hanging. Read on to find out what the heck that I'm talking about.

When people work on their weight, there are two very distinct dimensions. There is the one we all pay attention to, i.e. the physical. The physical is represented in clothing sizes, the inches lost, and of course, the scale, a contrary little contraption that is our best friend or worst nemisis, depending on the day. It's the meal plans, the carb counts, the fat counts, the dreaded calorie count. It's the exercise and the sweat. It's all those things most typically associate with "dieting."

What most people ignore, however, it the mental dimension. The mental dimension is expressed in the body image you have in your head, plus your beliefs about yourself, your sense of power, strength, worthiness and self-love (or self-hate).  This is what you believe about yourself, your wants and desires, and your drive for growth. This is where your potential is born.

You wonder why so many people can lose the weight but not keep it off? It's because they only master the physical! Addressing the phsyical dimension of weight loss isoloated from the mental dimension is like running hip-deep against the current trying to reach a goal. You can get there, but it becomes a struggle to make each little bit of progress. As soon as you let up and fight less, the current starts to sweep you backwards. And even when you get to your destination, you still have to expend considerable energy to stay still, as long as you're trying to hold against the current.

The oft-neglected mental dimension, however, is what directs the energy current. It addresses momentum.  It's what brings the energy in motion and determines the rate and strength of motion. And I'm here to tell you that if you master the mental adjustments, the physical will become easy, falling into place more or less effortlessly. It will become EASY.

In other words, you don't feel better about yourself after you lose weight. You lose weight after you start feeling better about yourself! This is a big one, so take a minute to let it sink in.

You get what you focus on. While you may think that it oversimplistic metaphysical hoohaw, it's true. Think for a minute. You know anyone who is financially comfortable who thinks, speaks, visualizes or even actively hates poverty? You know anyone who is healthy who thinks, speaks, visualizes or actively hates illness? You know anyone who is happy who thinks, speaks, visualizes or actively hates sadness?

You don't become thin by thinking about fatness, speaking about fatness, visualizing fatness or hating your fat! In fact, hatred is a very concentrated form of energy. The mind-body connection is well-documented at this point, but not well understood. However, it's not necessary to understand the mechanism to use this to your advantage.

You want to lose weight? Ok. You don't surround yourself with thoughts, images and feelings of failure. That attracts more failure. That inspires giving up, since you feel overwhelmed with failure. Failure then describes your experience. Failure breeds more failure.

To be successful, you focus on success. Any success will do, be it yours, someone else's, weight-related, or not. You surround yourself with positive, uplifing feelings.  You constantly build yoruself up, up, up. Success breeds more success.

To put it simply, to be, do or have anything at all, you have to start moving your energy in that direciton.

While you can do this with oppressive dieting, harsh workout routines and enough self-disgust to make Hitler look like a sweetheart by comparison, that isn't the most comfortable-or permanent-way to go about it. Not only does the oppressive, self-denigrating approach feel terrible, it doesn't stick. Sooner or later, you will "backslide" into a stance that doesn't leave you hating yourself. Small wonder, huh?

A much happier (and easier) way of moving your energy in the direction you want to go is taking small steps you feel are bringing you closer to your goals, and most important of all, feel GOOD about them. The steps you take needn't be painful. In fact, they shouldn't be! A little of this, and a little more, you think. A little of that, and a little more, you do. You listen to your body, your inner guidance, and trust yourself to make appropriate decisions. You find yourself feeling out the direction of the current, and riding it.

And the whole time, keep tuning in. Do you feel GOOD about the changes you're making? Do you feel stronger, happier, healthier, and more in control? Do you feel like you like where you're at more and more all the time? That means you're doing it right! Don't focus on deficiencies. Focus on accomplishments! If you feel good about yoru choices, that means you're moving in the right direction.

The better you feel about yourself, the simplier it is to lose weight. Personally, I suspect that feeling healthier creates a sort of biofeedback loop that speeds up your metabolism or something. I can't exactly explain it, but I don't care. It works. I have seen many people gain and lose weight over and over again. The ones that lose and keep it off are the ones that have intact self-images (which, incidently, seem to bear no correlation to their size).

And it makes sense, too. Think about it. Who do you think is going to do the best-Person A who feels crummy about herself, fat, disgusting and unlovable? Or Person B, who feels like she is worthy and wants to be kind to herself? Who is going to make the better choices? Happy people make better choices, every day.. Happy people don't need to boost their mood with sugar-therapy. 

It's hard to stay focused on your goals when you feel like you're undeserving, by virtue of not having reached the goals yet. Huh? That's what they do. Makes no sense, and yet people do this all the time. And worse, even when you reach your goals, if you feel it's not deserved, you will find ways to unconciously undo all the work you just did. If you don't change what's in your brain, any changes in your body are temporary at best. Your brain will always bring you back around to what you believe defines you.

When you lose weight after deciding to do so, it is motivating and reinforcing. Absolutley! But that sense of feeling better about yourself is more about feeling in control of your life and your ability to direct it than it is about having a smaller pants size. It's about recognizing and acknowledging your worth. And you can get it many ways. Believe me, there are plenty of skinny people who hate themselves, and fat people who love themselves. So get that whole "losing the belly will solve all my problems" crap out of your head.

If you want to materialize a thinner body, better health, more energy, more anything, then you have to tune in to that frequency. You focus on it, daydream about how great it will feel, enjoy your progress in the direction you're going, celebrating victories each step of the way. You surround yourself with positive thoughts and feelings, and then? You can just hop into the current and enjoy the ride.

Try it. Especially if you're one of those folks who go around lamenting your lack of willpower, your lack of progress, your lack of...well, lack of anything! Forget lack. Don't think, "Oh, I can't have this or that." Instead, think, "Oh, I CAN have that and this!" Don't think of it as giving something up, but instead, focus on what you're gaining. It's a completely different feeling.

If you spend your energy thinking about how great you feel about yourself, all the things you like about yourself and what a general, all-around wonderful person you are, it will become much, much easier to lose weight. You'll probably also find that you have less physical complaints in general. Aches, pains and other discomfort magically disappear when you practice your self-esteem therapy. Your relationships will become more harmonious. Work starts getting easier. Even your garden will probably grow greener.

You will blossum under the right conditions, in every aspect of your life. And you feel better along the way. What's not to love? So give it a go. Because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. Really. It's ok to like yourself, too, no matter what you weigh.